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Thread: Moment of (extra)Ordinary

  1. #1
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    Moment of (extra)Ordinary

    If I could make you understand, I would,
    The purity of the world that struck me.
    I would make you understand, if I could,
    The beauty in plainness that I did see.

    Liquid rolling waves of green
    Went back to fade into the sky.
    The end of Earth could be seen
    Behind the hills, fading like a sigh.

    Trees sprung up from the ground,
    Their branches caressing the clear blue ceiling.
    A solitary house on the crest of an emerald mound,
    A hawk above it, circling, gliding.

    As quick as the image before me came,
    It was gone, back to the way it was before.
    Just another patch of ground that was the same,
    Another picture outside the window, nothing more.

    I can’t make you understand why it struck me.
    It was ordinary and plain, nothing new.
    It was a perfect moment of ordinary.
    There’s no reason you won’t someday see it too.


    I'm still not completely happy with that final line. It is a work in prgress...

  2. #2
    Registered User sparr0w's Avatar
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    I really love the imagery in this one. I can relate on a level, I think. I have had moments like this after prolonged meditation, only to lose it when I come fully back to "homeostasis". You really brought me to a farmiliar place in the lines:

    "As quick as the image before me came,
    It was gone, back to the way it was before.
    Just another patch of ground that was the same,
    Another picture outside the window, nothing more. "

    The trick is to make efforts to come back to that mindset as often as you can, and after a while, little pieces of it stick with you. It's a long process, and few ever acheive it fully. Those who do call it "Nirvana" (please forgive the obvious statement). Anyways, I loved this poem, and will probably come back to it time and time again. Peace! -Chris
    ...Ride life into perfect laughter. It's the only good fight left. -Charles Bukowski

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    Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was an oddly peaceful experience, it just kind of hit me out of no where.

  4. #4
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    This was perfectly wonderful and the last line could not have been better for what went before, to acknowledge the accessibility of the (extra) ordinary for everyone.

    I would not change the ending.

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    Well, so far I can't think of anything that would seem to fit better, so it will probably stay the way it is. If I don't think of something within a coupke days, I usally don't change it, as I have moved on to something else.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mutatis-Mutandi View Post
    Liquid rolling waves of green
    Went back to fade into the sky.
    The end of Earth could be seen
    Behind the hills, fading like a sigh.

    Trees sprung up from the ground,
    Their branches caressing the clear blue ceiling.
    A solitary house on the crest of an emerald mound,
    A hawk above it, circling, gliding.
    Mutatis, the above lines are quite imaginative. I enjoyed reading your poem. I wish to see the final edit of this poem soon.

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