Drug Problem!

[Granny5]

Red, I agree with you. Will wonders ever cease? Each child is different and all can't be treated alike or the same displine can't be used on each the same, even for the same behavior. Anything done without thought and without the child's best interest in mind could be abuse. Allowing children to grow up without guidance and displine as needed is abuse. I don't believe anyone would actually promote child abuse. I would much rather see my grandchildren spanked for biting than for them to be allowed to sit in front of the tv for hours on end or being allowed to eat anything they want without thought to nutrition.

[stephofthenight]

okay so i was spanked, my middle sister, was put in a corner, and my eldest sister was thumped...its what worked. every child has a displine method that will work better then others, you can thump me, put me in a corner/time out and it would bother me but spanking me did,..my sisters you could spank all day long and it wouldnt bother them, but put them in a corner, or just thump them and its like you killed them...

[genoveva]

or just thump them and its like you killed them...

Yes, it's just like you kill them. Hmmm... when you are violent towards a child, it is like you are killing part of them. You are disintegrating the trust relationship between the parent and child. And literally, some children do get killed from "thumps". Infants get shaken too hard and oops, their necks snap and all of a sudden they're dead. Oh, but mom or dad or live in boyfriend just wanted to teach the baby a lesson of not crying so much....etc. One thump to the head and oops, head injury! Little by slow, with every spanking, the child learns that they are powerless. They learn that there is an authority figure that will use physical power to make them do whatever they want them to do. Why not try communicating with words? Or show by example. If a child runs towards the street, instead of a spanking (which will really make them afraid of the spanker, not the street) why not talk about the safe way to cross the street and show by example?

[Pensive]

Red, I agree with you. Will wonders ever cease? Each child is different and all can't be treated alike or the same displine can't be used on each the same, even for the same behavior. Anything done without thought and without the child's best interest in mind could be abuse. Allowing children to grow up without guidance and displine as needed is abuse. I don't believe anyone would actually promote child abuse. I would much rather see my grandchildren spanked for biting than for them to be allowed to sit in front of the tv for hours on end or being allowed to eat anything they want without thought to nutrition.

I don't understand why does 'not spanking children' mean letting them do whatever they want to do? What makes you say that if I am not spanking my child for sitting in front of telivision for a lot of time, I can't put him away from it??

Yes, it's just like you kill them. Hmmm... when you are violent towards a child, it is like you are killing part of them. You are disintegrating the trust relationship between the parent and child. And literally, some children do get killed from "thumps". Infants get shaken too hard and oops, their necks snap and all of a sudden they're dead. Oh, but mom or dad or live in boyfriend just wanted to teach the baby a lesson of not crying so much....etc. One thump to the head and oops, head injury! Little by slow, with every spanking, the child learns that they are powerless. They learn that there is an authority figure that will use physical power to make them do whatever they want them to do. Why not try communicating with words? Or show by example. If a child runs towards the street, instead of a spanking (which will really make them afraid of the spanker, not the street) why not talk about the safe way to cross the street and show by example?

I have agreed with you from the start and all those who don't support spanking as a way to train children.

[Madhuri]

I simple don't approve of any type beating / spanking to teach a child a lesson. Here it's such a common thing. Parents beat up thier kids for minor mistakes, without warning or even trying to rectify it. It is also a common means of taking out the frustration from their daily lives. Children are so vulnerable and can't do anything against their parents, that often a minor mistake is taken as if a big crime has been commited and that nothing less than severe beating will do.

This does a lot of long term harm. I remember a friend of mine having such parents, and I can tell you, how underconfident she is, she can't argue, even if she is right she will just resign to the other persons views, she gets nervous very easily, and she is so afraid to voice her opinion lest she offended someone. She is a very beautiful (as in the inner beauty) person, but just look at what all the years of such treatment did to her. Her parents think that what they have is a disciplined child, but, I don't think so. I mean she isn't indisciplined, but the way she is.....is quite hopeless.

It is so important to deal with children properly, and parents should take advantage of the experience and their own life to analyse the situation. But spanking / beating is just not done !

I remember one incident she narrated -- She was very small, and like me, she too is not so fond of Maths. So, here one day her father decided to teach her some division. He taught her for a while, gave he some sums to solve, while she was trying to do it, he dozed off. When he woke up, he finds that she couldn't do it / did it wrong. This made him so angry that he just threw her off the bed, then the beatings began as to how bad she is, she can't learn a thing and all...She calls for her mother, she comes, but just stands there, and she too is saying to him that yeah she deserves it, do it some more . She was then left alone, and then for quite sometime no one talked to her, making her feel as if she is a disaster, and that not being able to solve certain sums is a hugely wrong thing to do.

When I heard of this, I was like...WHAT??!!!

She as a child then was so confused, she didnt know what did she do so wrong that she had to be beaten up like that.

I was so enraged

I simple don't approve of such a treatment. Because, it not only does physical harm, it has emotional consequences too.

[Pensive]

I simple don't approve of any type beating / spanking to teach a child a lesson. Here it's such a common thing. Parents beat up thier kids for minor mistakes, without warning or even trying to rectify it. It is also a common means of taking out the frustration from their daily lives. Children are so vulnerable and can't do anything against their parents, that often a minor mistake is taken as if a big crime has been commited and that nothing less than severe beating will do.

This does a lot of long term harm. I remember a friend of mine having such parents, and I can tell you, how underconfident she is, she can't argue, even if she is right she will just resign to the other persons views, she gets nervous very easily, and she is so afraid to voice her opinion lest she offended someone. She is a very beautiful (as in the inner beauty) person, but just look at what all the years of such treatment did to her. Her parents think that what they have is a disciplined child, but, I don't think so. I mean she isn't indisciplined, but the way she is.....is quite hopeless.

It is so important to deal with children properly, and parents should take advantage of the experience and their own life to analyse the situation. But spanking / beating is just not done !

I remember one incident she narrated -- She was very small, and like me, she too is not so fond of Maths. So, here one day her father decided to teach her some division. He taught her for a while, gave he some sums to solve, while she was trying to do it, he dozed off. When he woke up, he finds that she couldn't do it / did it wrong. This made him so angry that he just threw her off the bed, then the beatings began as to how bad she is, she can't learn a thing and all...She calls for her mother, she comes, but just stands there, and she too is saying to him that yeah she deserves it, do it some more . She was then left alone, and then for quite sometime no one talked to her, making her feel as if she is a disaster, and that not being able to solve certain sums is a hugely wrong thing to do.

When I heard of this, I was like...WHAT??!!!

She as a child then was so confused, she didnt know what did she do so wrong that she had to be beaten up like that.

I was so enraged

I simple don't approve of such a treatment. Because, it not only does physical harm, it has emotional consequences too.

Yeah, hitting students is quite common in schools too over here, on not being able to do sums. In most of the situations, I have witnessed that it rather spoils the children, makes them more obstinate rather than doing good for them.

[Madhuri]

Yeah, hitting students is quite common in schools too over here, on not being able to do sums. In most of the situations, I have witnessed that it rather spoils the children, makes them more obstinate rather than doing good for them.

Very correct !! Its the same here too.

But, a week or so back, I read in the news that a new law has come, where even if the teacher calls the student and 'idiot,' he/she can be booked. I can't say in this case though how reasonable it is. Although, I am not in favour of hitting, but, this law seems as if its now the teachers turn, even a the slightest mistake can have serious consequences for them. It seems to be in favour of the students more.

[stephofthenight]

spanking your child for MINOR mistakes and not giveing them a chance to correct it is wrong, but spanking them for something you have asked them not to do, explained how it is harmfull to them and what will happen if theydo it again, then it isnt just random spanking and the child will see it as i did this wrong and didnt listen, therforth this happend...not well im not sure what i did wrong. the important thing when spanking a child is to make sure they know what the did wrong. at the daycare i use to vaulenteer we spanked kids, but beffore we always asked them "do you know why" and they would tell us and then we would ask "how many times did i give you a chance to stop" and if they couldnt answer those two questions we would explain until they understood and then spank them.

[Pensive]

spanking your child for MINOR mistakes and not giveing them a chance to correct it is wrong, but spanking them for something you have asked them not to do, explained how it is harmfull to them and what will happen if theydo it again, then it isnt just random spanking and the child will see it as i did this wrong and didnt listen, therforth this happend...not well im not sure what i did wrong. the important thing when spanking a child is to make sure they know what the did wrong. at the daycare i use to vaulenteer we spanked kids, but beffore we always asked them "do you know why" and they would tell us and then we would ask "how many times did i give you a chance to stop" and if they couldnt answer those two questions we would explain until they understood and then spank them.

Spanking is overall wrong.

Just tell me one thing, I have asked this question amongst some other unanswered ones (yet) in one of my previous posts that why do you feel the need to spank them if children do understand you and as you say it doesn't hurt either. When children have understood, why do you feel the need to hit them? What good is it?

[stephofthenight]

becuase its dicipline, and if telling them the first 3 times didnt work then a 4th time probaby wont, and it teaches them to listen and that there only going to get so many chances and that your serious about what you say and xpect them to do it...

if you where spanked as a kid your more likely to understand, those who wenrt probably wont ever understand it simple fact of been there done that, vs. never been thre but herd that...

[Shurtugal]

yes, exactly. each child is different and should be punished in different ways. for me and my older brother it was spanking. for my other older brother it was ocassionally spanking but mostly grounding or writting a 1000 times as to my younger sister.

and i must ask that we keep from thinking spanking his hitting or abusing. when you spank it is only on the rear. no where else. but slapping can be any where, on the arm on the cheek, any WHERE! and concluding spanking is abusive, you couldn't be more wrong. unless you use it an abusive way.

and could we (those who believe it is all right to be spanked) have living proof that it did wrong. no, not people who studied it. but someone saying, "i was spanked as a child and the outcomes where...." whatever it may be. having any abusive referance like if they added that they were beaten doesn't count 'cause then we are going into another world. only having the words i was spanked, that's it, nothing more. not being from any other person who wasn't spanked, it has to be from the person who was.

[Bakiryu]

Children need to learn respect. I'm shocked by the way most teenagers talk to their parents! If I talked that way to my mother she would slap me!

Spanking as a child isn't really abuse it makes the child learn. As long as the parent restrains from using excessive force.

For example, when I was in school my teacher hit me and now i respect every teacher.

My mom rarely hit me but when she did she taught me rules and obedience.
To be true, small children DO NOT LISTEN. They don't care and they need to learn before is too late.

Spanking is morally correct.

[Shurtugal]

two thumbs way,way up for baki!!!!

[stephofthenight]

someone break out the pom pom's
go bariku go! lol

double thums up

[Pensive]

becuase its dicipline, and if telling them the first 3 times didnt work then a 4th time probaby wont, and it teaches them to listen and that there only going to get so many chances and that your serious about what you say and xpect them to do it...

Then you shouldn't even say that you would hit them.

if you where spanked as a kid your more likely to understand, those who wenrt probably wont ever understand it simple fact of been there done that, vs. never been thre but herd that...

Hmmm I don't see any logic behind this that how can a person not disapprove of something that's not right until or unless she/he has experienced it herself/himself.

yes, exactly. each child is different and should be punished in different ways. for me and my older brother it was spanking. for my other older brother it was ocassionally spanking but mostly grounding or writting a 1000 times as to my younger sister.

And it doesn't have to be anything related to physical violence.

and i must ask that we keep from thinking spanking his hitting or abusing. when you spank it is only on the rear. no where else. but slapping can be any where, on the arm on the cheek, any WHERE! and concluding spanking is abusive, you couldn't be more wrong. unless you use it an abusive way.

Spanking can be done with a stick. One can put an extreme force in it, and in many cases this is the way it's done.

and could we (those who believe it is all right to be spanked) have living proof that it did wrong. no, not people who studied it. but someone saying, "i was spanked as a child and the outcomes where...." whatever it may be. having any abusive referance like if they added that they were beaten doesn't count 'cause then we are going into another world. only having the words i was spanked, that's it, nothing more. not being from any other person who wasn't spanked, it has to be from the person who was.

Sorry Shurtugal, I am not exactly sure what you mean over here. Perhaps you mean that if you are satisfied with it, with the fact that you were spanked then those who were not, shouldn't comment then let me tell you that there was a time when wives were beaten, and in some cases wives were okay with it too. It doesn't mean people shouldn't have stood up against that.

Children need to learn respect. I'm shocked by the way most teenagers talk to their parents! If I talked that way to my mother she would slap me!

Even children who are spanked talk in this way to their parents and those who are not, don't. What does this tell?

Spanking as a child isn't really abuse it makes the child learn. As long as the parent restrains from using excessive force.

Learn what? Learn along with other things that using violence is the right way if your oponent is being stupid and is weaker than you.

For example, when I was in school my teacher hit me and now i respect every teacher.

When I was in school a teacher of mine hit a classfellow (not very hard) and he started talking awfully about her and became more obstinate.

My mom rarely hit me but when she did she taught me rules and obedience.
To be true, small children DO NOT LISTEN. They don't care and they need to learn before is too late.

If small children do not listen, then do you think they can listen to a stick?