Drug Problem!

[Logos]

aye, your right and i'm sorry for asking if it affended you. i was putting my nose where it shouldn't of been. forgive me.

IMO, you don't need to apologise stephofthenight has shared some personal stuff that I'm sure most here would react to in the same way; I think you asked a reasonable question that any concerned person might, especially given the rest of the posts here and the overall seriousness of the discussion.

General Mod Note to All: if you choose to participate in this topic, please remember that it is obviously an emotionally charged topic. Even though it seems the OP might have been posted as a 'joke'--a 'play on words' (the word 'drug')--it has become very personal to most people. I think it is good that a number of different opinions are being expressed, as long as nobody is being 'attacked' for theirs, but please remember that others might not agree with you, as is their right

Oh, and just for everybody's info, since this had become a hot topic, spanking is not entirely outlawed in the United States or Canada.

I don't know about other countries.

[stephofthenight]

aye, your right and i'm sorry for asking if it affended you. i was putting my nose where it shouldn't of been. forgive me.

its fine, i just didnt want this thred to turn into my life story; and i hate when people say that there sorry about it, because it doesnt change it, what happend happend, but to answer your question i was, and logos im sorry about the confusion, and i agree this is an emotional thred, i just hope yall understand i didnt want this to become about me.
steph

[Bakiryu]

I've never thought there was anything wrong with spanking. Abuse is a different topic but spanking is perfectly normal!

[Granny5]

Not spanking can do as much harm as spanking. I'm not for beating or mistreating a child, but teaching a child that there are consequences to
any actions, and some of the consequences are not pleasant, just as some actions are not pleasant, is a parent's job. Spankings should be used to guide a child, much like a shephard used his staff to guide his heard. Sheep were too valuable to abuse, so are children.

[Pensive]

Not spanking can do as much harm as spanking. I'm not for beating or mistreating a child, but teaching a child that there are consequences to
any actions, and some of the consequences are not pleasant, just as some actions are not pleasant, is a parent's job. Spankings should be used to guide a child, much like a shephard used his staff to guide his heard. Sheep were too valuable to abuse, so are children.

Children are not sheep. And anyway, shephards would keep on using their staff for sheep/goats even when they grow up. You can't do this in the case of a child. Shephards can lock up their sheep while parents can't put up their children away from the world (or if they do, the results are again not so good). Shephards 'own' their sheep. Sheep are even sold!

[Shurtugal]

I've never thought there was anything wrong with spanking. Abuse is a different topic but spanking is perfectly normal!

go baki!

sorry couldn't help it.

and if i am understanding granny right, i think she's using that as a figure of speech. just as when you say to someone that their eyes or like dimonds, they really aren't. and pensive are you a parent, just wondering, for if you aren't shouldn't you take more ear to someone who has grandchildren? you can also think as children as puppys. (for one comes more attached to them and are pets more then livestock. infact, most consider there dog as family) when you first get yor puppy, you leave it in a gated aera until it is pottytrained. you don't let it go off the leash until you know it wont run off on you. you give it treats when they are good, but when they are bad tell them that and punish them. the older the dog gets the more freedom they have, but when they are first puppys you won't let that be or in the end you'll cause more pain to the dog.

[EAP]

spanking is perfectly normal!

genocide was perfectly normal.
Pillaging was perfectly normal.
Torture was perfectly normal.
Rape was perfectly normal.


You need to choose your arguements more carefully.

[Pensive]

go baki!

sorry couldn't help it.

and if i am understanding granny right, i think she's using that as a figure of speech. just as when you say to someone that their eyes or like dimonds, they really aren't. and pensive are you a parent, just wondering, for if you aren't shouldn't you take more ear to someone who has grandchildren? you can also think as children as puppys. (for one comes more attached to them and are pets more then livestock. infact, most consider there dog as family) when you first get yor puppy, you leave it in a gated aera until it is pottytrained. you don't let it go off the leash until you know it wont run off on you. you give it treats when they are good, but when they are bad tell them that and punish them. the older the dog gets the more freedom they have, but when they are first puppys you won't let that be or in the end you'll cause more pain to the dog.

Look here:

Caring means bringing up a child with love, giving direction, telling them what's right or wrong - without spanking. It's unnecessary - if you know about the multiple other ways of teaching a child how to behave. But if parents and children do not know any better - well, that's sad. I'm shocked that so many of you are or have been spanked.

Spanking is against the law over here and I think in Britain, too. And I have hardly any problems with my students at school. Of course there are good-for-nothings around here, too. Sometimes it's because their parents don't care what they do, don't give them enough of their love and time. Or parents feel helpless because they do not know how to deal with a child. (BTW, that does not mean that they don't spank them, even if it's unlawful.) So one thing has got nothing whatsoever to do with the other.

All those of you who are spanked and intend to do so with their own children: Please visit parenting classes. There you will be shown ways how to bring up a child without physical violence.

If you only want to listen to parents/grandparents, then you can listen to her.

genocide was perfectly normal.
Pillaging was perfectly normal.
Torture was perfectly normal.
Rape was perfectly normal.


You need to choose your arguements more carefully.

*nodds*

[stephofthenight]

mkay one last point here

i was spanked
shurugal was spanked
and i dont know who else but probably a lot of us on this fourm, yet we are all caring individuals
doesnt this prove that there isnt a long time effect of spanking.
its a consquence of an action, punishment.

[Pensive]

mkay one last point here

i was spanked
shurugal was spanked
and i dont know who else but probably a lot of us on this fourm, yet we are all caring individuals
doesnt this prove that there isnt a long time effect of spanking.
its a consquence of an action, punishment.

Many people who are abused (in the way you define what abuse is) - even they turn out to be good caring people (and not abusive for others) but this doesn't mean child abuse is the right thing to do.

Well, punishments are of many ways and every way is not fine. And this seems to be one of them to me.

[Granny5]

Children are not sheep. And anyway, shephards would keep on using their staff for sheep/goats even when they grow up. You can't do this in the case of a child. Shephards can lock up their sheep while parents can't put up their children away from the world (or if they do, the results are again not so good). Shephards 'own' their sheep. Sheep are even sold!

I was referring to the quote "Spare the rod and spoil the child". I did not mean to infer that children were sheep. Some could argue that grounding a child could be considered the same as locking them away from the world. As a parent of a 35, 30 and 25 year old, I can attest to the fact that there is still guiding to be done. Parenthood never ends. Being a parent doesn't come with instruction books so everyone has to do what they can to do the best that they can. Not until they are grown can one tell if they have done a good job, and anyone looking at my children will know that my husband and I have done an excellent job. But my main point was that guiding a child was a parents job, and beating wasn't a part of that job. Teaching them to be good citizens, good hearted people, good parents themselves, independent and loving is a parents job. If that takes a swat on the bottom every now and then, so be it. Spankings are the last step in the process.

[genoveva]

Spanking is a poor parenting choice. Parents need to educate themselves and obtain skills which will enable them to raise healthy and non-violent children. Spanking erodes the child-parent relationship.

Please refer to the following resources regarding why spanking is a poor choice. I especially encourage all of you who plan to have children in the future to at least check out these sources. It is easy for you to say how you would raise your children, but everything changes once you actually have them.

Some informative websites regarding why spanking is bad:

http://nospank.net/
www.neverhitachild.org
www.nopaddle.com/frames.asp
www.geocities.com/cddugan/homepage.html

Here are some short and concise articles about why spanking is bad:

"I Was Spanked And I'm Fine!"
by Jan Hunt PhD
www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/spanked.html

"Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids"
by Jan Hunt PhD
www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html

"Twenty Alternative to Punishment"
by Aletha Solter, PhD
www.awareparenting.com/twenty.html

Some recommended books filled with options that are good alternatives to spanking:

Adventures in Gentle Discipline
by Hilary Flower

The Discipline Book
by Sears

Why Spanking Doesn't Work
by Michael J. Marshall

The Case Against Spanking
by Hyman A. Irwin EdD

Lastly, another valuable skill for anyone is non-violent communication. Here is a site that supports parents in using non-violent communication with their children:

www.cnvc.org/parents.html

[the silent x]

i was only spanked once, and that was because i put myself in a life-threatening situation (walking into a busy street when i was 2) the reason my dad spanked me was so that i would be afraid of the road until i learned how to respect it.

[Shurtugal]

that was exactly what my mum said. my parents didn't spank me for everything i did wrong. it was what was appropiate for that disobidiance.

[Redzeppelin]

Spanking is abuse!

Not as a fact; perhaps as an opinion. You cannot speak of this action as a definition of abuse ("is" means "="). It can be done in a loving, corrective way (just like it can be done in an abusive, harmful way). The act itself is not abusive - but it can be executed in an abusive way. I could say the same thing about TV and diet: what you allow your kids to watch and eat might actually be "abusive" if done in a certain way. But TV and diet are not in and of themselves harmful (well, the TV may actually be harmful no matter what... ).

Second, just because you raised your kids without them does not mean that such action will work successfully with all other children of the world.