Do Women Have Less Self-Esteem Than Men?

[apples of gold]

It seems self-esteem is not all about looks or self-image but how people relate themselves to others and how they interpret the expectations that others have of them.

I'm probably dating myself here, but the book How to Be an Assertive (Not Aggressive) Woman in Life, in Love, and on the Job by Jean Baer, was written to address what she considered was an overcompensation by some women to resolve issues springing from an inherent lower self-esteem.

I still see many career oriented women as too aggressive. Although I think they need to be to survive in what they're trying to do. At the same time, the challenges of family and the "war of the sexes" seems to call for this lower self-esteem (unassertiveness) to keep things balanced.

[Virgil]

I don’t think that adornment necessarily equals low self esteem, in fact it could mean the opposite. I do think that many men can lean way back to button their pants under their enormous pregnant looking bellies and then look at the sexy devil in the mirror. Where as even skinny women think they look fat and have to turn and see how big their butts look in those pants. I think that there are many examples like this, but that it is changing. Grey on a man used to look distinguishing, wrinkles around the eyes made them look more knowledgeable, rough hands were a sign of a hard worker… mow men color, apply eye cream, and get manicures. I’m not saying they are wrong to do it, I’m just wondering what happened to make them think they are no longer OK the way they were. Women are constantly bombarded with messages that say in order to be sexy or loved one must fit into this little tiny mold and smile about it. I think that not having to worry about measuring up to Matthew McConaughey and the ability to pee standing up without getting any on their shoes are the two great advantages of being a man. Do men really want to give that up, or are they starting to feel the pressure?

But Mom-H, there is another facet to this too. Could it be that women are less picky than men and so men don't feel compelled to be as conscious of their looks? Men can be very selective and so women may need to be conscious of their looks based on competition. Also what drives women to shave their legs and do all the extra things that men don't do? I can't answer that, but women with good self-esteem and women with bad self esteem both do the same things. So I don't think it's all self-esteem.

As for having the ability to pee standing up, thank God.

[Scheherazade]

As for having the ability to pee standing up, thank God.

And three cheers for waterproof shoes!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Ideally I think that one's self-esteem ought to come from within, from one's sense of values and how well one acts on them. However we live in a society that constantly imposes on us external ways to evaluate ourselves: the car we drive; the neighbourhood in which we live; the clothes we wear; and most of all, the amount of $$ we earn or have in the bank.

I'm not familiar with current figures but until recently men were paid far more than women, sometimes for the same work. If one allowed one's monetary worth to determine one's self-esteem, by that criterion women would understandably have lower self-resteem than men do.

[apples of gold]

Where can I ... um ... get me a pair of these shoes?

[kathycf]

But Mom-H, there is another facet to this too. Could it be that women are less picky than men and so men don't feel compelled to be as conscious of their looks? Men can be very selective and so women may need to be conscious of their looks based on competition. Also what drives women to shave their legs and do all the extra things that men don't do? I can't answer that, but women with good self-esteem and women with bad self esteem both do the same things. So I don't think it's all self-esteem.

As for having the ability to pee standing up, thank God.

Or maybe that men and women are both selective in choosing mates, but that they look for different qualities and looks are not as as high a priority for women when seeking a mate than it is a man. Both sexes seem to typically go for people that are kind, intelligent and so on, but maybe there is an ingrained leftover from eons ago when males desired young attractive women (as that would typically be signs of fertility) and females looked for signs that a prospective mate would be able to provide resources to care for children.

Although things are getting so ridiculous regarding looks that more men are suffering loss of self esteem over their appearance...although not to the degree that I think many women do. Historically, women have not been valued as much as men and one of the things that they were valued for is appearance, so if a woman is not considered "attractive" than I think that most times there could be loss of self esteem. But self esteem is based on many things, not just looks, and it is hard to go into all the reasons for it not to mention the hazards of over generalizing the issue.


Also, behaviors such as leg shaving (as well as shaving other areas of the body) are kind of cultural (not to mention modern) phenomenom, so may not relate over all to self esteem except in the sense that women feel they have to engage in the behavior in order not to be seen as unsightly. I mean, I think we have gotten to the point that any hair except eyebrows and hair on the head is almost seen as unsightly. There are bleaches and depilatories to "get rid of" hair on the forearms, not to mention "special" shavers for "special" areas. Not every part of the world thinks hair is such a big deal as it seems to be in the US anyway.

[apples of gold]

Ideally I think that one's self-esteem ought to come from within, from one's sense of values and how well one acts on them. However we live in a society that constantly imposes on us external ways to evaluate ourselves: the car we drive; the neighbourhood in which we live; the clothes we wear; and most of all, the amount of $$ we earn or have in the bank.

I'm not familiar with current figures but until recently men were paid far more than women, sometimes for the same work. If one allowed one's monetary worth to determine one's self-esteem, by that criterion women would understandably have lower self-resteem than men do.

Oh sure, typical male. Just sweep our over-work and under-paid feminist issue of the century under the carpet. Now I know you'd really be good for Secretary of State. (lol. inside joke, folks.)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Where can I ... um ... get me a pair of these shoes?

Regrettably, I have to tell you that if you refer to them as "shoes" you are probably not worthy of them. They're Manolo Blahniks, darlin'

Oh sure, typical male. Just sweep our over-work and under-paid feminist issue of the century under the carpet. Now I know you'd really be good for Secretary of State. (lol. inside joke, folks.)

I'm afraid this is so inside that even I (who assume the joke is between us?) didn't get it!

Sides which the position of Secretary of State (as distinct from the Minister of External affairs) is already filled - by a woman!

[apples of gold]

Regrettably, I have to tell you that if you refer to them as "shoes" you are probably not worthy of them. They're Manolo Blahniks, darlin'

Ha! You're never going to get me in a pair of those sweetheart!

Do I detect a little condescension in your tone?

I'm afraid this is so inside that even I (who assume the joke is between us?) didn't get it!

Sides which the position of Secretary of State (as distinct from the Minister of External affairs) is already filled - by a woman!

I thought it was the woman that was suppose to act dumb ?

[Virgil]

Or maybe that men and women are both selective in choosing mates, but that they look for different qualities and looks are not as as high a priority for women when seeking a mate than it is a man. Both sexes seem to typically go for people that are kind, intelligent and so on, but maybe there is an ingrained leftover from eons ago when males desired young attractive women (as that would typically be signs of fertility) and females looked for signs that a prospective mate would be able to provide resources to care for children.

Although things are getting so ridiculous regarding looks that more men are suffering loss of self esteem over their appearance...although not to the degree that I think many women do. Historically, women have not been valued as much as men and one of the things that they were valued for is appearance, so if a woman is not considered "attractive" than I think that most times there could be loss of self esteem. But self esteem is based on many things, not just looks, and it is hard to go into all the reasons for it not to mention the hazards of over generalizing the issue.


Also, behaviors such as leg shaving (as well as shaving other areas of the body) are kind of cultural (not to mention modern) phenomenom, so may not relate over all to self esteem except in the sense that women feel they have to engage in the behavior in order not to be seen as unsightly. I mean, I think we have gotten to the point that any hair except eyebrows and hair on the head is almost seen as unsightly. There are bleaches and depilatories to "get rid of" hair on the forearms, not to mention "special" shavers for "special" areas. Not every part of the world thinks hair is such a big deal as it seems to be in the US anyway.

A very insightful post Kathy. Yes, I'm in agreement with everything you say here. Yes, both are selective but in different ways. Right on.

[kathycf]

A very insightful post Kathy. Yes, I'm in agreement with everything you say here. Yes, both are selective but in different ways. Right on.

That's the nicest compliment I have had today, thank you.