Bad news gets around—
Gossips’ sunburned tongues wagging—
Yakking nothing good…
Bad news gets around—
Gossips’ sunburned tongues wagging—
Yakking nothing good…
Last edited by Pendragon; 03-22-2007 at 08:34 AM.
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
I don't get your structures Pen, 5, 6, 6?
:-(
I usually let people go who miscount syllables, Mauvey, unless it's very outrageous, but perhaps the re-write is better?Originally Posted by Bluemauvey
Bad news gets around—
Gossips’ sunburned tongues wagging—
Yakking nothing good…
Last edited by Pendragon; 03-22-2007 at 08:34 AM.
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Yakking nothing good—
Criticism of everyone—
Burning the phone lines…
Burning the phone lines—
Gossip about the neighbors—
Just call the Newspapers!
Just call the Newspapers—
The National Enquirer—
All they print is lies…
All they print is lies—
One slanderer slanders others
Vicious circle ends
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
I do prefer the re-write. And I do like the smarts of your submissions in general.
I don't count out of pedantry, I just use the previous Haiku above the one I'm composing to measure the metre, that's how I notice.
vicious circle ends
only to begin again
a faltering trend
My hide hides the heart inside
a faltering trend
grows to a quake, shaking my
living soul of boots
living soul of boots,
Brittle reminder; lost steps,
Mud dried battefields.
"It's so mysterious, the land of tears."
Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
mud dried battlefields
spring daisy-hope from bloodspill,
summer dries the rain
"Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."
summer dries the rain;
and blood-curdling voices of
anguish rise in air
eek, that's a hard one to follow, so forgive it's faulty tense.
anguish rise in air
lurid death whispers balloon
in demented heat
"Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."
In demented heat,
Drudge they onwards through sand storms,
Heels split by sun's rays.
Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
I like the James Wright quote, Riesa. It is very subtle in its expression
yeah, I could learn much from him, if only I could access my own subtletly.
"Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."
heels split by suns rays
as pomegranate skin bursts
on neglected trees
"Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."
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