write or share a poem

[Adolescent09]

Here is a revision; I thank you greatly for your thoughts Pendragon

Darkness the spiraling tide doth bring,
forbodement and adversity
harsh, doth the force of nature sting,
hence, this moment to eternity.
Though cracked are heavens, bespeckling skies with rain,
celestial might is never in vain, for
Canaan is where The voice doth call,
in forms both dark and light,
where kingdom evil meets its fall,
and men of good art made His Knight.

[Pendragon]

Love it. 'Dole! That one has a "magic touch"! Very thought-provoking, with images of days gone past.

[Janine]

Love it too, Adol, glad I checked this thread. Very nice - one of my favorites so far of yours!

[Pendragon]

Comin’ Home

Catching a breeze,
Faint whiff of rotten eggs—
In the Country of Denmark
There’s the odor of decay.
Three Card Monté—
Can you find the lady?
Hands are quicker than the eye,
If the game’s already shady.
Who’s tricking whom?
Does anyone ever know?
We grow too complacent—
Just enjoy the show.
The mugging down the alley—
No witnesses to be found.
And that girl was raped and knifed—
Nobody heard a sound.
We’re too busy with our own life,
To be bothered by somebody else:
So just welcome the silence that you meet—
When you need help yourself…

Pendragon
© 3/11/07

[Adolescent09]

I admire your ability to present a poetic saga, which at an instant seems so real that the reader can't help but to feel a part of your description. For example: the whiff of eggs, the odor of decay and the "lady" all present witty premonition of an obscure murder, the aspects of which everyone seems either oblivious or apathetic. You show the genuine layer of human indifference which heavily clouds our covert wants for global secular sanction, unity and peace. In simple terms, most humans are genuinely self-satisfied and complacent, only masking themselves otherwise to be outwardly affable and conform to "ideal propriety".

Nice stuff

[Bluemauvey]

The Halfway

I’m at the halfway
I’m shadowed low and twice as long
My head abuts winter Eden
And no foot has printed the forward page, no prophet gained, no turnaround
Breath as blue as the touch paper sky
The launch time of my midday
I’m at the halfway.

© L W Daly 2006

[Adolescent09]

I don't understand it but it sounds powerful blue. Kind of like this one I wrote:

The blue is a fickle wave sweeping at our minds,
it takes woes and makes them great on the salty tides,
The blue is whitened pixie dust,
on a mile long painting across the sky,
darkening as autumn nears,
and greying as the wind swirls high.

[Bluemauvey]

I don't understand it but it sounds powerful blue. Kind of like this one I wrote:

The blue is a fickle wave sweeping at our minds,
it takes woes and makes them great on the salty tides,
The blue is whitened pixie dust,
on a mile long painting across the sky,
darkening as autumn nears,
and greying as the wind swirls high.

Hey Ado. Without wanting to get too descriptive re my own piece, I see that we are writing towards a similar theme.

Mine was a moment out walking when the light became metaphor for my own time in life and, although we each have a 'half-way' point in our lives, no matter how long we live, I felt a crystalised moment that could be seen to be my 'halfway'.

I like the use of colour words in your piece, and more so because it doesn't rest on pure imagery by way of the colour references. There's an elemental feel that suggests emotional tides rather than physical ones.

How much do you think the 'pixie' is neccessary in there? I think dust, by itself says much more. Just my thought on it.

L

[seasong]

The Halfway

I’m at the halfway
I’m shadowed low and twice as long
My head abuts winter Eden
And no foot has printed the forward page, no prophet gained, no turnaround
Breath as blue as the touch paper sky
The launch time of my midday
I’m at the halfway.

© L W Daly 2006

When you say prophet, do you mean profit? It works either way, they just give entirely different meaning to the poem.
It's a neat poem, I like the Eden reference.

[Bluemauvey]

When you say prophet, do you mean profit? It works either way, they just give entirely different meaning to the poem.
It's a neat poem, I like the Eden reference.

Hey Seasong,

I always liked the double meaning there because it describes perfectly that which I am trying to say. That some may find their riches in religion, whilst others measure their lives by what they've attained materially.

The 'winter Eden' was supposed to convey an optimism; that the halfway point, like the end point need not be what they seem to be. That even in 'winter' things can become as new again. With regard religion I suppose my leanings are paganistic, and this speaks from that position.

I'm very happy that you like the piece, and for the reasons that I hoped it would be liked. Thank you.

[junius]

Behold; discern; decipher now
this truth, The Thought,
'tis painful how
this search determines naught;
recall
are we supposed
to search at all?

[Adolescent09]

Behold; discern; decipher now
this truth, The Thought,
'tis painful how
this search determines naught;
recall
are we supposed
to search at all?

A seemingly subtle yet powerful allusion to the way in which aethiests and and non-believers constantly seek scientific and historical facts to find belief in Providence's existence, while at the same time implying that the true believer need never doubt Him. I like it.

[Il Penseroso]

Or it could be about Lit. Crit., you never know.

[Adolescent09]

Opulent waiters

In what we seek, the truth is bent,
by the power of stark deceit,
to wear a smile from ear to ear,
fill your glass once too many,
carry out propriety in scrupulous fashion,
for the tip moreso than the check to arrive.

[Adolescent09]

Or it could be about Lit. Crit., you never know.

It could be about anything. That's the beauty of it. The author can see the poem one way, as you said about lit, while the audience can interperet it in another. Subtle poetry is a very unique and perceptive form of writing.