That is hilarious, Muhsin.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
HahahahahaOriginally Posted by Virgil
The source of any bad writing is the desire to be something more than a person of sense--the straining to be thought a genius. If people would say what they have to say in plain terms, how much eloquent they would be.
-S.T COLERIDGE
Yikes, Muhsin...But it is rather hilarious...
"You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."
To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's" - Dostoevksy
Confused: Is something particularly funny about kilts? (other than when I do a keg stand whilst wearing one)
There once was a scotsman named Drew
Who put too much wine in his stew
He felt a bit drunk
And fell off his bunk
And landed smack into his shoe ~(C) Ms Niamh Anne King
How many egotists does it take to change a lightbulb?
...one; they just hold it and the world revolves around them
That is a very good joke, Kilt!
This is from a novel that I'm reading by Zadie Smith. I assure you that it is not what the author necessarily considers a good joke, and is merely used as a representative of what passes as a joke in a family that tells outrageously lame jokes--but I thought it very funny.
"What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt."
These fragments I have shored against my ruins
James Joyce, the pirate.Why don't you write books people can read? -Nora Barnacle
Insupportable claim: Reading my stories will make you a better person. Do your best to prove me right.http://www.online-literature.com/for...ad.php?t=20367
Papya, you never heard part two?
The town was, again, bellringerless. The town elders put out the word that they needed a bell ringer. Nobody applied for the job until one day a man showed up at an elder's doors. The elder told the man that he couldn't possibly want the job as its very difficult.
"You must climb 2 flights of stairs, every hour on the hour, not to mention the bell is very heavy" said the elder.
The man begged, please, just give me a chance, let me prove to you that I can do this job. It was deeply important to him, he said, as the previous bell ringer was his brother, and he wanted to carry on the tradition. The Elder was moved by the man's plea and told him to come back tomorrow, and he will be tested. The man happily skipped away.
The man proved to be a very compotent bellringer (the arms must've helped), and preformed his job perfectly until one day one day he was walking up the bell tower and he heard voices at the top. He ran the rest of the way up and surprised a bunch of kids hanging out in the bell tower, he chased them off but didn't notice the mess they left on the floor. He knew he was almost late for the bell ringing, in a hurry he backed up as far as he could go and started running towards the bell and, wouldn't you know it, he didn't notice the banana peel, slipped, fell over the edge and plummetted to his death.
As he was lying there people congragated around, one gentle soul came out of the crowd and asked who this man was. Another bystander spoke up: "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother!"
Last edited by cuppajoe_9; 12-18-2006 at 04:19 AM.
What is the use of a violent kind of delightfulness if there is no pleasure in not getting tired of it.
- Gertrude Stein
A washerwoman with her basket; a rook; a red-hot poker; th purples and grey-greens of flowers: some common feeling which held the whole together.
- Virginia Woolf
Frosh: I see by the paper that nine professors and a student were killed in a car crash.
Soph: Poor guy.
-----
Senior: I bet you're from some backwater town where everybody gathers at the post office when the mail comes.
Frosh: What's a post office?
-----
Frosh: I hear the water in this dormatory is unsafe.
Soph: Oh yes, completely undrinkable.
Frosh: What do you do about that?
Soph: Well, first we filter the water...
Frosh: Yes?
Soph: Then we boil it...
Frosh: Yes?
Soph: Then we add the chemicals...
Frosh: Yes?
Soph: Then we drink beer.
What is the use of a violent kind of delightfulness if there is no pleasure in not getting tired of it.
- Gertrude Stein
A washerwoman with her basket; a rook; a red-hot poker; th purples and grey-greens of flowers: some common feeling which held the whole together.
- Virginia Woolf
What do you call 200 white men with clubs chasing one black man?
The PGA tour.
What is the use of a violent kind of delightfulness if there is no pleasure in not getting tired of it.
- Gertrude Stein
A washerwoman with her basket; a rook; a red-hot poker; th purples and grey-greens of flowers: some common feeling which held the whole together.
- Virginia Woolf
The Two Cows Method of Political Science and Economics:
Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd increases and you get rich.
Pure Capitalism (real world): You have no cows. The bank will not give you a loan to buy some cows, because you have no cows to put down as collateral.
Corporate Capitalism: You have two cows. A large corporation buys both, as well as everybody elses, then restricts the supply so as to artificially inflate the price of cows.
Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell eight of them. You go to jail.
Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They sing and dance.
Alberta Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you have no idea where they are. You break for lunch.
German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they run 200 kilometers per hour, eat once a month and milk themselves.
Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are 1/10th the size, and produce 5 times as much milk. Americans buy them, and then complain about how nobody buys American cows anymore.
Indian Capitalism: You have two cows. They have nothing to worry about.
Post-Communist Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn that you have twelve cows. You count them again and learn that you have 47 cows. You open annother bottle of vodka.
Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Vous avez deux vaches.
Libertarianism: Go away! What I do with my cows is none of your business!
Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors vote to decide who gets the milk.
American Democracy: You have a donkey or an elephant. It doesn't matter which.
Feudalism: Your lord has two cows. You milk them, and give the milk to him. Eventually, you die.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Beurocratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them away and gives them to chicken farmers, leaving you to take care of the chickens. Then it takes away the chickens, and gives you two new cows. Then it takes both cows, shoots one, and poors the milk down the drain. Then you have to fill out forms to account for the missing cows.
Soviet Communism: You have two cows. The government takes all the milk, and gives you certificates to get the milk that you need. You stand in line for five hours to get it, and it is always sour. If you complain, you wind up in Siberia.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Chinese Communism: You have two cows and three hundred people milking them. You claim full productivity and arrest whoever reported the numbers.
North Korean Communism: You have two cows. You interpret this as an act of war.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government requires you to teach them how to march. Then it takes both and drafts you.
Anarchism: You have two cows. They run away and form a commune.
Vegetarianism: You have two cows, and a lot of protestors on your front lawn.
Feminism: You have two cows. They don't think that's very funny.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. You go camping and get high with them.
Syndicalism: You have two cows. They throw you off the farm and handle the milking themselves.
Conservatism: You have two cows. You wish they were more like you imagine cows were back in the old days.
Zen Budhism: You do not have two cows.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government paints one green and requires you to take harmonica lessons.
What is the use of a violent kind of delightfulness if there is no pleasure in not getting tired of it.
- Gertrude Stein
A washerwoman with her basket; a rook; a red-hot poker; th purples and grey-greens of flowers: some common feeling which held the whole together.
- Virginia Woolf
These fragments I have shored against my ruins
James Joyce, the pirate.
Insupportable claim: Reading my stories will make you a better person. Do your best to prove me right.
No worries, friend.
What is the use of a violent kind of delightfulness if there is no pleasure in not getting tired of it.
- Gertrude Stein
A washerwoman with her basket; a rook; a red-hot poker; th purples and grey-greens of flowers: some common feeling which held the whole together.
- Virginia Woolf
The Office Body Meeting:
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The source of any bad writing is the desire to be something more than a person of sense--the straining to be thought a genius. If people would say what they have to say in plain terms, how much eloquent they would be.
-S.T COLERIDGE
A gentleman meets a young lady holding a baby and crying loudly.
"What's wrong , my dear?" he asks
"A man just told me my baby was the ugliest child he ever saw" replied the young woman.
" Here" said the man, offering the young lady a paper tissue. " I'll hold your monkey while you dry your eyes!"
The source of any bad writing is the desire to be something more than a person of sense--the straining to be thought a genius. If people would say what they have to say in plain terms, how much eloquent they would be.
-S.T COLERIDGE
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! Rolling on the floor laughing, Muhsin...
Although I think the Heart should be the BOSS. How would you live without it then?
"You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."
To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's" - Dostoevksy
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