Korova Milkbar (no girls allowed)

[Pendragon]

Don't know who came up with THIS Man Law: 18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

But as all true men know, it violates male bathroom etiquette. To explain, let's take the following scenario: We have a typical public Loo, which has 5 urinals along the wall. Man A enters to find an empty Loo. He will invariably choose either urinal 1 or 5, probably 5 as it is furtherest from the door. Man B comes in, sees man A, and goes to urinal 1. No thinking required, he wants as much space as possible between him and man A. Man C enters, sees the other two, and freezes, but goes to urinal 3. At least he has a buffer zone of a urinal on each side. Man D enters, and if the stall isn't occupied, that is where he is headed! If there's someone in the stall, he will exit, and go out behind the building if necessary. You men are all nodding while the ladies think I'm crazy.

[RobinHood3000]

And that is precisely how it goes. It's worked fine for ages.

Corollary: When on a camping trip, never urinate on the same tree/shrub/bush as another man unless all of the other trees/shrubs/bushes in the forest are occupied. If by happenstance they ARE all occupied, find a tree and urinate on the other side, never the same side or on a neighboring side.

[kathycf]

Don't know who came up with THIS Man Law: 18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

But as all true men know, it violates male bathroom etiquette. To explain, let's take the following scenario: We have a typical public Loo, which has 5 urinals along the wall. Man A enters to find an empty Loo. He will invariably choose either urinal 1 or 5, probably 5 as it is furtherest from the door. Man B comes in, sees man A, and goes to urinal 1. No thinking required, he wants as much space as possible between him and man A. Man C enters, sees the other two, and freezes, but goes to urinal 3. At least he has a buffer zone of a urinal on each side. Man D enters, and if the stall isn't occupied, that is where he is headed! If there's someone in the stall, he will exit, and go out behind the building if necessary. You men are all nodding while the ladies think I'm crazy.

You men are all nodding while the ladies think I'm crazy

Hi Pen!

[Virgil]

Being a fan of Limoncello as opposed to Budweiser, it makes sense that you would, Virgil.

Thanks Arethusa. I don't think I've seen you around recently. You still remember about the Limoncello! Have you tried it yet?

[Nightshade]

well I guess it makes a wierd kind of sense...
wait the stall you mmean mens toilets only have one stall ...........

[Koa]

is there a woman who has never wished to be a man in urinating situations in particularly nasty places? :P

mmm limoncello...where?

[Virgil]

mmm limoncello...where?

Koa, I was referring to my poem I posted, titled, "limoncello." If you haven't read it, you can check it out here:http://www.online-literature.com/for...ght=limoncello
Let me know what you think. And it is nice to drink. I think I'll go get a little glass right now.

[bluevictim]

is there a woman who has never wished to be a man in urinating situations in particularly nasty places? :P

It is certainly convenient to be a man when you're in the woods. However, some public women's restrooms are downright luxurious. When I was an undergrad, I knew someone who would take her exams in the restroom in the engineering building. I don't blame her, either. The women's restroom had a room with couches, sofas, mirrors, and tables seperate from the room where the stalls were. It was like a women-only private lounge.

[Virgil]

It is certainly convenient to be a man when you're in the woods. However, some public women's restrooms are downright luxurious. When I was an undergrad, I knew someone who would take her exams in the restroom in the engineering building. I don't blame her, either. The women's restroom had a room with couches, sofas, mirrors, and tables seperate from the room where the stalls were. It was like a women-only private lounge.

Good point Blue. I had to close my building at work once and had to check that all the windows were closed. After knocking on the women's room door to make sure no one was there, I entered and was shocked to find couches and tables. And it seemed so much cleaner than a men's room. Not only do we get nothing but we're a bunch of slobs.

[bluevictim]

And it seemed so much cleaner than a men's room. Not only do we get nothing but we're a bunch of slobs.

... and don't get me started on the public humiliation that I suppose few women will ever face: the trough.

[Virgil]

... and don't get me started on the public humiliation that I suppose few women will ever face: the trough.

Do you live in England, Blue? I found those things quite common there. For the most part, rare in the US.

[bluevictim]

Yes, it's rare in the US (I've only encountered it at ballparks), but still all too common!

[Arethusa]

Thanks Arethusa. I don't think I've seen you around recently. You still remember about the Limoncello! Have you tried it yet?

I've been lurking but really busy. The novel got finished and I found a small agency to take it after only the eighth rejection letter! I didn't think of it but it would have been a cool idea to celebrate with limoncello. Since it was unexpected and no one had a chance to get to Trader Joe's, I think we celebrated with Ripple...or Night Train...or cooking sherry...or something equally ghetto. If it actually gets picked up by a publisher, I'd like to say I had my first glass on the beach in Naples or Brindi or maybe even toasting the Great One's tomb! Did you ever get to read Horace's Trek to Brundisium?

By the way, we need couches in our restrooms. By the time we finally get to one, we're so exhausted and light headed from holding it in for so long, a little nap is needed in order to regain our equilibrium. Everyone knows that a woman cannot go outside unless the proper conditions are present. There must be a bush of the proper height to width ratio, traffic and weather conditions must be optimal, and the proper downhill grade is a must, especially if we're wearing our strappy shoes. Most important of all, there must be something at hand that's more absorbant than a Big Mac wrapper, preferably something two-ply. However, your handkerchief will do in a pinch.

[Virgil]

I've been lurking but really busy. The novel got finished and I found a small agency to take it after only the eighth rejection letter! I didn't think of it but it would have been a cool idea to celebrate with limoncello. Since it was unexpected and no one had a chance to get to Trader Joe's, I think we celebrated with Ripple...or Night Train...or cooking sherry...or something equally ghetto. If it actually gets picked up by a publisher, I'd like to say I had my first glass on the beach in Naples or Brindi or maybe even toasting the Great One's tomb! Did you ever get to read Horace's Trek to Brundisium?

No, I haven't come across it in a book store. And my reading list is very long as it is. I will get to it one day.

Congratulations on your book. When it gets published please let us know here at lit net. We might actually go out and buy up all the editions.

[Pendragon]

well I guess it makes a wierd kind of sense...
wait the stall you mmean mens toilets only have one stall ...........

A good many only have one, the one they are required by law to have for handicapped access. I guess they think that they have to have that one, and if it is occupied, you can wait! Some have two, the aforementioned and a regular one. But you won't see five guys at that wall of urinals unless something very drastic happens, and then they will appear to all be fascinated by the small square of paint in front of their nose. Zombies would show more life. No one dares look around.