Originally Posted by
Arethusa
More than values, you boys need to remember the:
MAN LAWS!!!!
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
5: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
6: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
7: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
8: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have satisfied her carnally. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
9: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
10: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
15: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding pending your response.
17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
19: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to make love to her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
20: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey love, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
We've all heard about people having guts or cojones. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"COJONES" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the rear and having the cojones to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manhood, LTD
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