Advice needed

[The Unnamable]

I’m crafting a really nice, handwritten anthology of love poems to be presented in a calf’s leather binding for a woman I’m hoping to seduce. I won’t be able to write more than ten as I’ve got a sore finger. Also, I can’t pick anything too demanding like John Donne, as she’s none too bright. She is, however, a step up for me – I only had to make a compilation CD with the last one. I need something that, as a package, says, “You are special.” So far I’ve come up with the obvious ones –

WB Yeats He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven
W Shakespeare Shall I compare thee to a summers day?
Kit Marlowe The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
ee cummings somewhere i have never travelled
Whitney Houston The Greatest Love
ee cummings i like my body when it is with your

Does anyone have any suggestions? Keep them short and not too intellectual as she won’t understand. I don’t usually go for women who have an IQ of less than 80. It used to be 100 but that leaves so little choice.

[Logos]

Geeze why don't you just buy her some Godiva chocolates?

[Virgil]

Robert Burns, "A Red, Red Rose."
Ben Jonson, "Queen and Huntress"

That Marlowe one you picked seems difficult. I haven't seen it in a long time, but the language is old, isn't it?

If you're really trying to seduce her, Andrew Marvell, "To His Coy Mistress"
(Only kidding )

If I think of others, I'll pass come back and post them.

[RobinHood3000]

Wow, quite the gift--I'm impressed. I'm guessing "Dover Beach" would be a bit too intellectual for a girl between 80 and 100 points...what about some poems of your own creation to bookend your selections? It'd make it more personal (although handwriting it is pretty personal already, very nice touch) and a bit easier to customize for this particular woman.

[Petrarch's Love]

Unnamable, that is a terribly romantic gesture. I can't speak for your lady, but I think it would certainly win points with me.

I instantly thought of Elizabeth Barret Browning's Sonnets to the Portuguese. Women (myself included) seem to universally love those poems. The most famous would obviously be "How do I love thee...," but there are other goodies in there. I'm with Virg. on the "Red, red rose" too. And don't forget to toss some Byron in. You only need the first stanza of "She Walks in Beauty" to get her sighing. I'll see if I can think of any others. And I'm with Robin too. If you're any hand at a rhyme at all, you might try including one of your own. You must tell us how she likes it.

[Virgil]

Don't give him too many points. He doesn't say he wants her fall to in love with him. He says seduce. There is a dfference.

[genoveva]

Does anyone have any suggestions? Keep them short and not too intellectual as she won’t understand. I don’t usually go for women who have an IQ of less than 80. It used to be 100 but that leaves so little choice.

Perhaps this might suit both needs:

I want to sleep with you

I want to sleep with you side by side
Our hair intertwined
Our sexes joined
With your mouth for a pillow.
I want to sleep with you back to back
With no breath to part us
No words to distract us
No eyes to lie to us
With no clothes on.
To sleep with you breast to breast
Tense and sweating
Shining with a thousand quivers
Consumed by ecstatic mad inertia
Stretched out on your shadow
Hammered by your tongue
To die in a rabbit's rotting teeth
Happy.

~Joyce Mansour

[Petrarch's Love]

Don't give him too many points. He doesn't say he wants her fall to in love with him. He says seduce. There is a dfference.

Yes, I actually thought your Marvell suggestion was the best (oh yes, I just saw the above after posting--very apropo). He needs to toss some carpe diem poems in to make his intentions clear.

[genoveva]

Or maybe this one is more to your liking:

I want to show myself naked

I want to show myself naked to your singing eyes.
Want you to see me shout with pleasure.
Want my limbs bent under such a weight
To urge you to disgraceful acts.
Want the smooth hair of my offered head
To cling to your nails curved with fury.
Want you to stand upright blind believing
Looking from high up at my plucked body.

~Joyce Mansour

I won’t be able to write more than ten as I’ve got a sore finger. Also, I can’t pick anything too demanding like John Donne, as she’s none too bright. Keep them short and not too intellectual as she won’t understand.

Or, perhaps, something short and sweet:

Love

To be
The first to come.

~Rene Char

[The Unnamable]

Well, I must say! This is a better response than I got from the Houellebecq thread. Looks like you’ve all had the same idea as me at one time or another (some of you seem a little rusty).

Geeze why don't you just buy her some Godiva chocolates?

Godiva? Don’t you think that’s a tad presumptuous? She might think I’m only after her body. I mean, obviously I am but I don’t want her to know that. Besides, I wouldn’t want her turning into a fat cow. She’s not much of a looker as it is.

Wow, quite the gift--I'm impressed. I'm guessing "Dover Beach" would be a bit too intellectual for a girl between 80 and 100 points...

I think she’d like the beach idea but I very much doubt she’d be able to find Dover on a map of Kent.

what about some poems of your own creation to bookend your selections? It'd make it more personal (although handwriting it is pretty personal already, very nice touch) and a bit easier to customize for this particular woman.

That’s the beauty of it, Rob – particular she ain’t!
I don’t think she’s worth a whole sonnet but a shortie might be appropriate:

i like
the way
they bobble
up
and
down:
they’ll be
going
back
and
forth
later.

Unnamable, that is a terribly romantic gesture. I can't speak for your lady, but I think it would certainly win points with me.

Are you making a pass at me?

I instantly thought of Elizabeth Barret Browning's Sonnets to the Portuguese. Women (myself included) seem to universally love those poems.

I know this from past experience. However, I think they attract certain types who are of no interest to me – the arty, pretentious ones without any real physicality. Like that bird Jude Fawley fancies. Such women are boring where it matters most – in the back of a car.

The most famous would obviously be "How do I love thee...," but there are other goodies in there. I'm with Virg. on the "Red, red rose" too. And don't forget to toss some Byron in.

She doesn’t like Byron. She hates that actor that played him in the TV movie.

Don't give him too many points. He doesn't say he wants her fall to in love with him. He says seduce. There is a dfference.

Absolutely, Virg. The difference between love and lust is at least twenty minutes.

He needs to toss some carpe diem poems in to make his intentions clear.

For a woman, you don’t seem to know much about them. The whole point is that you don’t make your intentions clear. You have to spin ‘em a yarn. She already believes that I am an airline pilot.

Or maybe this one is more to your liking:

I want to show myself naked

I want to show myself naked to your singing eyes.

This is an excellent suggestion but the lady I have in mind lost an eye in terrible and bizarre accident involving a pickled onion jar when she was only 15. That’s why I’ve already had to avoid “My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun”. She’s very touchy about it (the incident, not the remaining eye)– Her name is Katie but they always used to call her Kate at school – that’s Katie minus an ‘i’.

A working knowledge of Literature is a wonderful sexual emollient. The ability to seduce women is the one practical benefit of spending all those years reading. If only the women were as interesting as the books, eh?

[Scheherazade]

Keep them short and not too intellectual as she won’t understand. I don’t usually go for women who have an IQ of less than 80. It used to be 100 but that leaves so little choice.

It is understandable, The Unnamable; you don't have to explain your choices. We all know that not everyone wants or can handle a challenging relationship.

How about some not-so-challenging 'Roses are red' poems?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I think you are dim
But you have no clue!

OR

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
This poem is dull
But so are you!

OR

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me clever
But what happened to you?


I am a little saddened with the number of serious replies/suggestions this thread has received.

Geeze why don't you just buy her some Godiva chocolates?

It would be hard to hide an insult inside those chocolates, I guess.

[The Unnamable]

I am a little saddened with the number of serious replies/suggestions this thread has received.

I thought there was only one that took it seriously - yours.

[beer good]

Wouldn't Tom Lehrer's "When You Are Old And Gray" do the trick?

Since I still appreciate you,
Let's find love while we may.
Because I know I'll hate you
When you are old and gray.
So say you love me here and now,
I'll make the most of that.
Say you love and trust me,
For I know you'll disgust me
When you're old and getting fat.

An awful debility,
A lessened utility,
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility.
In all probability
I'll lose my virility
And you your fertility
And desirability,
And this liability
Of total sterility
Will lead to hostility
And a sense of futility,
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility,
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability.

Your teeth will start to go, dear,
Your waist will start to spread.
In twenty years or so, dear,
I'll wish that you were dead.
I'll never love you then at all
The way I do today.
So please remember,
When I leave in December,
I told you so in May.

[The Unnamable]

I like that. Thank you, beer good.

[Jay]

I thought there was only one that took it seriously - yours.

Since you started a whole thread about it asking for advice, you seem to be taking it seriously enough.