The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Prendrelemick
an excellent application of the two word descending arpeggio meter in the last four lines 8 6 4 2. I just now created that meter, making your use of it even more impressive. ( who knows, maybe there is some such animal in the world of poetry)
Btw "legumes" and "shrooms" comes to mind.


Aunty - (is it OK if I address you in that way? )
Cabin fever is setting in here in north Texas due to the recent ice storm. As I watch the Juncos, Cardinals and Finches feed, my mind ...

drifts back to Puritan days
where a line was kept whole.
A house divided will not stand,
Let not a quote scatter to and fro.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
Did you by chance mean to use "fumes" as it relates to burning, rather than "flumes"?
The imagery I conjure up includes burning virgins gliding down log flumes into sacrificial cenotes.

Pendragon
Hilarious and the best part was working "coiffure" into the piece. I've always had an itch to don a powdered coiffure.

Yes/No
Well crafted piece with nods to the quote source poem, although I've only just begun... "To live, white lace and promises..."
Good lord, sorry about that, I suddenly drifted off into a Carpenter's song.

Cacian,
Wow, what can I say? I know there's a deeper meaning, but I'll need time discovering it. I will say, you have shown prendrelemick that there is a wealth of rhymes for "plumes".
I'll hand it to you though, you've left me with the indelible image of an inebriated raccoon for the rest of the day.

Okay, it is neck and neck between pendragon and Yes / No.
I'm truly torn between the two, only a hair's width separates them and it is with his use of "coiffure" , that I pronounce Pendragon the winner.

Pendragon, you're up.

[Pendragon]

Wow, wasn't really expecting this: How about a Spoonerism for the line (look up the reference, it will pay!)

"Son, it's kisstomery to cuss the bride..."

[cacian]

Cacian,
Wow, what can I say? I know there's a deeper meaning, but I'll need time discovering it. I will say, you have shown prendrelemick that there is a wealth of rhymes for "plumes".
I'll hand it to you though, you've left me with the indelible image of an inebriated raccoon for the rest of the day.

haha thank you Gilliatt and I do want to say I am sorry about the word 'pear' in the third line it was a typo and not meant to be there at all. I have now removed it.

[YesNo]

It's kisstomery to cuss the bride.
Her mips will lerge with yours and hide
What nonce was you ow lost inside
You one are two and mystified.

[AuntShecky]

That's one chaunting dallange --I mean daunting challenge--Pen. Not only does it pay homage to Mr. Spooner, it also recalls the basic schtick of comedian Norm Crosby. I think you'd enjoy the classic piece, "Marred Bliss" which Mark O'Connell wrote for The New Yorker years ago. There's also a playlet based on "Marred Bliss", which may still be available on YouTube. In any event, here's my Cwoo Tents.


My Nancial Feltdown–-2008,
or My Spell-Check is Going Nuts

Straw Wheat brockstokers got a finned wall.
Banks said they weren’t too fig to bail.
The gift came with no stings attrached.
Cat fats gorged from the porky pail.

A one-sided pimpulous stackage,
highed-up pile never let ‘em down.
No such goodies went to Strain Meet,
Nothing dripped to Drickle Town.

Don Joe’s pension flushed down the tubes.
Hortgage molders sensed a bad vibe.
Time to toe press the creedy glass
and curse the way it kissed the bribe.

[Pendragon]

Aunt Shecky you are up! Sad that so few entered. Congrats!

[AuntShecky]

Sad that so few entered.

I was thinking the same thing, Pen!-- especially since your topic was lots of fun.

Next challenge is to mine humor from one of the most boring topics in the world -- insurance. This is why TV ads for various insurance companies strive to be humorous; otherwise viewers would drop off into a collective coma. Lest we forget : one of the most hilarious movie scenes of all time is in Take the Money and Run(1969) Who could forget Virgil, the incarcerated bank robber, as he emerges from the torture box after being forced to spend several days alone with an insurance salesman?

So think up 4-16 lines of verse on the dismal topic of insurance--car insurance, life insurance, health insurance, any kind of insurance. Remember the lit rules about no partisan politics. The only other rule is to be funny.

Post your "premiums" by three weeks from today -- Jan. 24, 2014

[YesNo]

My wife says we're insured enough.
I wouldn't know. She easily
Could meditate on all that stuff.
That jargon reads like Joyce to me.

[prendrelemick]

Life Insurance

My Wife has a gleam in her eyes,
She's planning a little suprise,
I'm worth more dead than alive,
And I'm sensing the man with the scythe.

Last night she was under the car,
With a torch and a little hacksaw,
And the spider I found in the friut,
Turned out a poisonous brute.

Should Mushrooms be that red?
Why is that snake in my bed?
I'm becoming a little concerned
My ashes may soon be en-urned.


Alas! Had she taken more care
And noticed that loose bit of stair
If only she'd known - such a pity,
The policy was dual im-dem-nity,

[cacian]

I assure you
I am everything you want
from head to toe
I am what you woe
what you see is what you row, simple as no,
only there is a slight glitch
nothing too kitsch
I may change my mind
from time to time
it is only fair
since the weather is dare
to nothing but unpredictable
air
life that way cares
samy may rare

[Pendragon]

They tell me I should think of the future
And buy myself a good life insurance policy
It never seems to occur to those advisers
That the only thing assured is my death

[miyako73]

The Uninsured


Globe and New York Life-
Will buy me a wife,
Two cars, a mansion;
Save the two million.
Will give gifts to mom;
Sick dad will get some.
Millionaire, this fool;
Not right, so damn cool.


Forty each monthly,
Damn cheap, totally!
It says Universal-
Maybe not local.
Beneficiary,
My brother Darry.
He can tell a lie,
Say somewhere I die.


Must be out of luck,
Car hit by a truck;
Rope or rat poison-
Hate life, the reason.
Says here policy
Not damn honesty.
False death, fake suicide;
Problem: where to hide.

[AuntShecky]

As it says on all those bills, this is just a "friendly reminder" that the current policy will lapse in 8 days. In other words LitNutters should post their humorous poems for the current contest by Friday, Jan. 24. The topic is insurance --fire, flood,car, life, health --any kind of insurance, even bizarre kinds, such as an publicity-hungry actress insuring her most valuable
(ahem) asset.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Camponotus Insure Domus

During the day they chew the rafters,
while I'm at the office, overseeing drafters.
During the night they gnaw the studs,
while I read in bed and drink my Buds.

It's a mutual arrangement,
we left nothing to chance.
Should the house break apart,
we're covered by insure ants.



Camponotus:

[AuntShecky]

Looks like today's the day to take a look at the policies

Thank you, Yes/No, prendrelemick, cacian, Pendragon, Miyako, and Gilliatt Gurgle for sending in entries! Thanks also (most of you) for remembering that the topic for this round of the contest was insurance. All of your efforts were humorous enough to make me smile.

The comic take could be on any kind of insurance, but according to the entries, life insurance topped the list.Decades ago I heard a story about a widow who was the beneficiary of three separate life insurance policies. Her first husband's demise was caused by poisonous mushrooms. Ditto hubby number two. But the third was found dead at the bottom of a flight of stairs. That's because he refused to eat the mushrooms.

I remembered that elderly joke when I read your very funny poem, Prendrelemick. Your turn to pick the next topic.