Slow Reminisce
Alone in the ambience
of the dark blues bar,
the old black man
in the back corner booth
takes long, loving drags
on his cheap-brand cigar.
Two ice cubes mingle
in his single malt scotch.
The bandleader,
on the patrons cue,
livens the mood down a notch.
Love the last line. There's a kind of lazy beat in the first stanza that you don't quite manage to repeat in the second. That's perhaps a shame, but overall I enjoyed reading this.
H
Not sure if you were intentionally trying to emulate Langston Hughes, but this is how it comes across. Overall it is fantastic.
I'm wondering if "taking the patron's cue" for the penultimate line would work better: stretches out the line just slightly to compliment the rhythm and tone of the first stanza.
Great stuff!
I wrote a poem on a leaf and it blew away...
Thank you for your input. Glad you both liked the poem.
You've captured so well the atmosphere of the place and the protagonist who seems to have always been part of it, like loneliness always accompanies life.
Beautifully written.
Sorry I missed this. Well worth finding though.
Live and be well - H
Quite like the descriptive elements of this poem; it reads good but, because you have done so well with your descriptions, I would wonder how it would be without any verbs... Rearranging the phrases and saying the same things without them.
Good poem
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
Lovely indeed.
You could feel every word.
Thank you.
it may never try
but when it does it sigh
it is just that
good
it fly
Thank you all for the compliments.
Powerful- so much said with such few words. Much enjoyed.
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