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  1. #1
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    Not yet...

    I am walking down a way which sleeps around wet leaves
    The night drips in the armful fog
    The shadows behind their shadows leave
    I know it ends at the end …
    Only that, I will not believe.

    ..........

  2. #2
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    I like the dream state of holding onto something, although it is over. There is a bitter sweet sentiment to being this way. But this poem conveys hope.

  3. #3
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    The first line is lovely, but what is 'armful fog'? I also have a problem with the ellipsis. It distracts the eye, and I can't think of a good reason to put it there.

  4. #4
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    Like Lykren, I love the first line the best. It is a whole poem:
    'I'm walking down a way which sleeps among wet leaves!'
    Simple, enveloping, mysterious.
    Bravo LG!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buh4Bee View Post
    I like the dream state of holding onto something, although it is over. There is a bitter sweet sentiment to being this way. But this poem conveys hope.
    and more than hope, it is what I want to believe inside me... a right which is my very own...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lykren View Post
    The first line is lovely, but what is 'armful fog'? I also have a problem with the ellipsis. It distracts the eye, and I can't think of a good reason to put it there.
    an image can be seen, imagined, or it can be a blend of both, 'armful fog' is one such image...
    D ellipsis part is primarily for a trailing-off-but-lingering effect...and I definitely think it is a good reason to put it there...
    Thank you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bar22do View Post
    Like Lykren, I love the first line the best. It is a whole poem:
    'I'm walking down a way which sleeps among wet leaves!'
    Simple, enveloping, mysterious.
    Bravo LG!

    You gave me d first grin of d day
    Thank you Bar...

  8. #8
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hi Little Gal

    the closing lines seemed to be contradictory at first, but yes, you can know and yet not believe, its the flip side of a more common situation where people believe but do not know

    I also agree with the comments on your opening line.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy View Post
    Hi Little Gal

    the closing lines seemed to be contradictory at first, but yes, you can know and yet not believe, its the flip side of a more common situation where people believe but do not know

    I also agree with the comments on your opening line.
    Hey JB... thank you ...
    P.S. I like it better being called LG..

  10. #10
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hi LG

    the closing lines seemed to be contradictory at first, but yes, you can know and yet not believe, its the flip side of a more common situation where people believe but do not know

    I also agree with the comments on your opening line.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  11. #11
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    Talking

    Hey JB... thank you ...
    P.S. I like it better being called LG..

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