The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

[Dark Muse]

Pendragon: A very dark approach but I enjoyed your interpretation of the line. There was something bittersweet about the ending I thought, and fates way of bringing them finally together. I like the way in which you manage to tell a complete story with your words.

YesNo: This made my laugh out loud. It was fun an quirky and I enjoyed your play on words in how you chose to incorporate the line into the poem.

Callidore: I really enjoyed the originality of your poem and the quirkiness. I loved the swapping of the cards, and got a good laugh out of that part. Sounds like the sort of thing I would be tempted to do. Though I did have trouble seeing any reflection of the original line within this one.

and the winner is.....

cacian: I loved this line "and sweet old sweet home finds its own amuse bouche" and I really enjoyed the play upon Shakespeare in the last line, which is another way of tying the original line into the poem. I enjoyed your cleverness, and the mood created by your words

[Calidore]

Callidore: I really enjoyed the originality of your poem and the quirkiness. I loved the swapping of the cards, and got a good laugh out of that part. Sounds like the sort of thing I would be tempted to do. Though I did have trouble seeing any reflection of the original line within this one.

Glad you enjoyed it. The original line was punned as "Bernie sent another's greeting." I thought that would be going near the beginning or end, but when I wrote the poem, it ended up in the middle. I guess that would be a stealth pun.

Congratulations on the win, Cacian! Also, I had never heard the phrase "amuse bouche" before, so I learned something. If only I could afford to eat in the kind of restaurants where those are served.

[Dark Muse]

Glad you enjoyed it. The original line was punned as "Bernie sent another's greeting." I thought that would be going near the beginning or end, but when I wrote the poem, it ended up in the middle. I guess that would be a stealth pun..

Oh I get it now

[cacian]

Thank you very much Dark Muse for the feedback and I am really glad you enjoyed it!
Calidore I have amuse bouche once it is really isn't that much of a miss haha.
In fact you get recipees and make them yourself!

Anyway I must think of something soon will get back sometimes today...

Ok everyone here is one:

''Abandon hope all ye that enter here" -Dantes Inferno-


Good luck!!

[Pendragon]

Sing-Sing wasn't known for cleanliness
The stench of the prisoners was something to fear
Still I thought it harsh to see the sign
"Abandon soap all ye that enter here!"

It's bad enough to be locked in a cell
Twenty-three hours out of every day
But my clothes are filthy, body sticky with sweat
Oh, Lord! For a bath and a piece of soap, I pray!

But at least the smell keeps away the rats
The bedbugs, roaches, centipedes and skeeters
A odorous blessing in pungent disguise--
Abandon soap, all ye that enter here!

Pendragon
(C)8/23/2012

[cacian]

Need more entries if it is possible

[YesNo]

Achieving a Life-Long Goal

"Hell is hot with pain and groundless fear.
There is no hope for those who enter here."
So, do not enter! Oh. It's now too late.
You saw the door. You didn't hesitate.
You say you had to knock to get inside?
It's not as if that door was open wide.
It took much doing, struggling, needless fear
To lose all hope so you could enter here.

[cacian]

Ok it's time for deliberation. Both poems are cool.

Pendragon I enjoyed the humour and got a right idea about the despair of cell habitations not very nice indeed!

but I have to chose one and the winning goes to

YesNo's piece for its briefness and snapiness conveying the full wrath haha of the quote!
Verywell done and congratulations!!

[YesNo]

Thanks, cacian!

The next quote for the comedy/satire/pun contest is from Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!

A person's a person, no matter how small.

Deadline: Sunday, September 23rd, almost 3 weeks from now.

[MarkBastable]

Non-Violent Protest

The Mormons have set up a new chain of stores,
In which only Latter-Day Saints are allowed.
So the Catholics have opened, in retaliation,
Outlets for no one but their congregation,
And Baptists the length and the breadth of the nation
Give thanks for a holy online innovation –
Nonconformist dot com, in the Cloud.

Bill Bailey, a Presbyterian cleric,
Strides into the Center, appalled.
Security clock this deliberate intrusion.
Bill's chased past the fountains, and in the confusion,
He yells as he takes several scrapes and contusions,
“This retail schism's an evil delusion!
A parson’s a person, no matter whose mall!”

[cacian]

A person's person
no matter how small
and a mountain's
a mountain no matter
how deep
size up no more
it is not about height
weight up no less
it is not about might
a person's person
and it's all about tact.

[Pendragon]

The spittle flew as he raved at me
Called me every name I'd ever heard
Made some up on the spot
Combined ancient profanity with modern additions
Then as he stormed off he yelled
"Nothing personal but I hate your guts!"
A cursing is personal regardless the gall...

Pendragon
(c) 9/6/2012

[Calidore]

It's amazing the disparity between what's in your head when you start writing and what ends up on the page when you're done. I'm not sure this even qualifies for the contest any more due to a lack of actual comedy, but the pun's in there, and I went to the trouble of writing it all out, so here it is.


Radiation is strange; we know much but not all.
It has helped in our rise and may hasten our fall.
Its effects on our bodies is known, more or less,
But then something happens we couldn't have guessed.

My paper sent me to an underground lab.
Seems they'd found something new and now wanted to gab.
When I got here, however, the mood was quite low.
They went through the motions, then brought me below.

By way of explaining, I was led to a bed.
And the man laying there--I could see through his head.
The rest of him, too, though I blinked quite a lot.
I wanted to touch, but they said, "Better not."

It seems he was a tech who had caught a huge burst
Of a new energy they had thought safe at first.
As they carried him in, they had felt him grow light.
Once they had him in bed, they saw clearly his plight.

"His body is gone; there's no mass and no weight.
Just his image is left, though in a conscious state.
Had he substance...but no, the writing's on the wall.
This person's dispersing--no matter at all."

Whoa, conscious state? "Yes, when we wrote 'What's your name?'
He mouthed it to us, plus some four-letter blame.
We wish we could help, but what is there to do?
There's no name for his state, even. We have no clue!

"When he fades from our sight, will he really be dead,
or will he still exist, maybe in infrared?"
Wait, how long ago was this? Can I get out of here?
"That burst went through the shields. Write 'til you disappear."

Then one man lost speech, and then all the rest.
They had filled in some blanks, and some more I've just guessed.
The burst fried computers and phones, so no call.
They've backup lights and power, but that's about all.

Now I'm writing left-handed; the pen fell through my right.
I can hardly feel it, though I'm holding it tight.
They now have their answers. Soon I'll have them too.
Wish just sitting and waiting weren't all I can do.

[Calidore]

Bump. Any more?

[YesNo]

Time to pick a winner!

MarkBastable: This was a very funny bit of sarcasm and a great last line.

cacian: The comparison between a person and a mountain emphasizes how size is often irrelevant. I liked the word "tact" at the end.

Pendragon: Your last line is as true as it gets.

Calidore: I think you have pushed the smallness of the person about as far as it is able to go. I liked the meter you picked.

They were all wonderful. I might add a poem's a poem no matter who wins, so without further delay, the winner is

Calidore

Congratulations!