??? I guess I'm thinking along the lines of lifestyle in general. Having similar goals in that are helps, but both parties have to be able to deal with the hard times too. Unfortunately one person often puts the full weight of responsibility for the condition of their life as a couple on the other. Then you get blame and resentment and nothing good comes of it.Originally Posted by BienvenuJDC
I heard that. I should have seen the writing on the wall being that it was her third marriage, and the failure for everything was primarily on the other person for her first two marriages. I actually believed it all, until I saw how she twisted little things into bigger things in our marriage. I was accused of emotional abuse for disagreeing with her. But all that is water under the bridge now (or is it water over the dam?)
Les Miserables,
Volume 1, Fifth Book, Chapter 3
Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.
Who knows anymore. I say water under the bridge, but I like "dirt in the grave" too
I think you're right, it's not enough. If you ever get married again, you will know this and it will be successful.Sorry to hear this Bien, but I can sympathize as I'm going through one too. I myself don't blame the institution of marriage for the failure of mine either. Actually, I don't really blame anyone. Sometimes, I think, love really just isn't enough. Similar morals, parenting styles, financial expectations, goals etc all go a long way to a harmonious marriage. If and when I find the right person, I'll likely jump right back it... Like you, much more cautiously.
an institution set out to make profits out of those who eventually divorce and dictate to those non straight couples that they could not marry under religious command?
discuss
it may never try
but when it does it sigh
it is just that
good
it fly
Marriage is old, much older than recorded history. Artifacts from pre-history suggest that marriage has existed as long as there's been hierarchical society, and it's existed in literally every single culture, almost every tribe, everywhere. It's not always been about man + woman either, I know off the top of my head that in some places in Africa a woman can be the husband and marry another woman, taking on the male roles if there were no other suitable males available or if she was the most suitable for the husband role. This practice has existed for hundreds of years. All traditions of "regular" marriage are observed, the female husband's family even recieves dowry.
Anyway, yeah, marriage is to do with society, not religion or money. I'm obviously not the wife type, but I think that where there's society, there's going to be marriage. Even if religion ceased to be a factor in society, I believe marriage would remain.
Last edited by JuniperWoolf; 06-18-2012 at 06:57 AM.
__________________
"Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal."
-Pi
Hi JuniperWoolf interesting post.
What is the point of getting married if the figures shows that there more divorces on the rise?
what is the difference between a couple living together for as long as or the same as a maried couple?
it may never try
but when it does it sigh
it is just that
good
it fly
Marriage means different things to different people so I don't think you can say it's better to live together and never marry. Yes many marriages end in divorce but many relationships break up too, mine is an example.
I don't think this piece of paper is important but when you think about the 'what if something happens to me' part of a family life it can be important. I know of a few people that were in a lot of trouble when they lost their boyfriend/girlfriend and money and property didn't go to them but the kids or other family members.
I am not the marriage type but that may change one day, I always say as a joke that if I find someone who is willing to get married in a ST chapel in Vegas I'd do it.
My biggest problem with marriage is the wedding, this huge expensive event and 'everything has to go according to plan'. I hate going to weddings!! It always feels so fake to me.
But on the gay thing, I think it's odd that some people can get married and some not. Here on the ice everybody can get married in a church or anywhere they want to, it's actually a big tourist thing, gay couples coming here to get married. In that sense it is a financial plot cause I don't think anybody cares if they get divorced in a year or not.
one last thing, this song is the only song I have heard that shows marriage and romance in a true light: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEpmUUEkrKM
I hope death is joyful, and I hope I'll never return -Frida Khalo
If I seem insensitive to what you are going through, understand it's the way I am- Mr. Spock
Personally, I think that the unique and supreme delight lies in the certainty of doing 'evil'–and men and women know from birth that all pleasure lies in evil. - Baudelaire
I don't believe in marriage in the way many people do--I don't see why or how having a priest talk to you and putting a little ring on your loved one's finger (or any ritual, really) can enhance or change the relationship on a way that could be done without such a ritual. I would get married for the financial benefits, though.
It sure does.
"L'art de la statistique est de tirer des conclusions erronèes a partir de chiffres exacts." Napoléon Bonaparte.
"Je crois que beaucoup de gens sont dans cet état d’esprit: au fond, ils ne sentent pas concernés par l’Histoire. Mais pourtant, de temps à autre, l’Histoire pose sa main sur eux." Michel Houellebecq.
There are a lot of misconceptions about the divorce rates though, they aren't actually substantially on the rise. And like I said before, the actual statistics, for Canada at least, put successful marriages in the 60-70% rate. However, there is evidence that marriage is strongly effected by economic opportunities and status. Poor people are less likely to be married, for one reason because of the cost of ceremonies, and are less likely to have successful marriages, money problems put a lot of stress on marriages.
Also, less people in general are getting married.
"If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia."
- Margaret Atwood
They say 50% of marriages end in divorce these days now, don't they?
I think there is a changing attitude towards marriage; some people enter into these unions knowing how easily reversable it now is; due to this fact a lot of young couples rush into such commitments to one another.
Marriage is no longer 'forever'; a binding of two people in love for eternity. But then again you can say that the institution of marriage was even less about love prior to the twentieth century, among the upper echelons of society anyway, it was about political alliances, dowries, consolidating power and influence through connections with a powerful and influential family.
The divorce rates can also be attributed to the change in the role of women over the decades. The proliferation of strong, powerful, independent women means that a lot of women are no longer dependent on a man to provide for them. I also think dating websites and social networking have led to more marriages and there for higher potential for more marriages to fail. And on the flip side the same websites are responsible for a lot of marriage break-ups.
For me, and my girlfriend, marriage itself isn't a necessary or fundamental step in our relationship. We would be just as happy co-habitating for the rest of our days. I think a big reason why people get married these days is because they want to celebrate their love with their families, and because society seems to decree the institution of marriage as a prerequisite to a happy family life; It makes things simpler and more convenient. I don't think people think about it as much as they should, and when they do think I don't think they are considering what needs to be considered.
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I think that's a good thing. I can see a lot of benefits to it, and very few detriments.
__________________
"Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal."
-Pi
Well then what's the point?
Latest Blog: An Impassioned and Immediate Response to Dan Hodges, Political Writer, Daily Telegraph.
http://britishpharaoh.wordpress.com/
A man should not be obeisant to his past but to his present.
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