Inigo Montoya's Villanelle

[MorpheusSandman]

For anyone who doesn't know, Inigo Montoya is a character in the book/film The Princess Bride, and this is mostly based on a scene in the film where he duels with the Man in Black (Only thing I hate is that I couldn't work in my favorite quote in the whole film... maybe that's for another attempt).

My name’s Inigo, you killed my father, prepare to die.
Or maybe not, and I’ll keep searching for the man.
I must admit, you’re better with a sword than I.

I do agree we men of action shouldn’t lie,
so tell me if you have six fingers on your hand,
and if you do, you killed my father, prepare to die.

I will not kill you ‘til you reach the top, alive,
I swear upon my father’s soul, so understand
there’s no one you should better trust than I.

Yet I know something you don’t know, as I’ve belied
that I’m left-handed. You did too? There goes my plan!
But if you killed my father, you should prepare to die!

You seem a decent fellow; I hate to kill you. Why
are you dressed all in black? For me it all began
with that six-fingered man who was older than I.

There’s not much money in revenge, and all of my
attempts to find the man have failed. But I won’t stand
for him to live; he killed my father, so he should die!
And maybe with your help, we’ll have more luck than I!

[miyako73]

It sounds and reads childish like I'm watching a grown up man in a TV room rooting for an anime character and eating pop rocks-- too noisy.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love the swish-swish-swish of the swordplay throughout this but I cannot claim to be able to translate it into plain, prosaic Hungarian.

[Charles Darnay]

Your poem as a Villanelle "I don't think it means what you think it means."

Your poem as an homage to Inigo: there's some great stuff here. Without having to resort to childish metaphors, I think you could tighten it up in spots.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

I liked it a lot. Perfectly captures the spirit of the film, particularly that scene.

This is one of those poems that one can't really comment on unless they understand the context--the poem won't work at all if you haven't seen the movie.

[miyako73]

Of course, you've seen the movie Mutate like Morph.

[Silas Thorne]

Great fun, and a good attempt at the villanelle's style. I also think this is a good homage to the film 'The Princess Bride' and to this character in the film. Anyone who hasn't watched the movie, might be pleasantly entertained by it, and will definitely get more out of this poem.
I think this starts strong, and loses its power somewhat towards the end. About the villanelle form, it is a little loose, but it actually reminds me of the loose style of the villanelle Hayden Carruth wrote, entitled 'Saturday at the border'. I don't think there was a fixed form for a villanelle in its early history anyway. I actually think though that due to the constant repetition of 'My name is Inigo Monteya...., prepare to die' in the movie (if I remember correctly), it may be possible to do a strict formal villanelle with this material.

[Delta40]

Never seen the movie but your meter is just fine Morph! lol. I did get sick of every rhyme ending with the I sound though. It became rather repetitive for me. Just out of interest, are there any examples of poetry which rely on a single rhyme throughout each stanza? I figure you're the best person to ask.

[MorpheusSandman]

Prince: As others have said, one must really have seen the film to get the reference. It's mostly contained within a single scene, slightly reworded and reordered. Most of the scene can be seen here. The movie is highly recommended viewing regardless.

Charles: Personally, I'm not a fan of fixed refrains in villanelles, so I take liberties modifying them. I agree it needs cleaning up; any ideas?

Mutatis: Thanks.

Silas: I'll second your recommendation of the film (obviously). I'm a voracious cinephile (something like 6000 films seen so far) and The Princess Bride is in my Top 50. One of the few films I never tire of seeing (or quoting).

I agree with you that the last few stanzas are flawed. What you point out about that phrase (...you killed my father...) being repeated so much is why I thought it would be perfect for a villanelle. The problem is, though, that if you want to use the quote in the same way every time then you must jump around through different parts of the film, and how does one make that transition? Since most of my favorite quotes are in that duel scene, I decided to limit the piece to that, but that created its own problem about maintaining any order of the events with the refrains. So it became impossible to include the duel between Inigo and the actual villain... plus, there's not nearly as much talking in that scene, anyway, so how to maintain it across 6 stanzas?

So, it's actually more of a challenge to work it into a villanelle than I initially thought, and that's not even considering finding another refrain to accompany and compliment it. If you have any ideas about how to better it, I'd be much appreciative.

Delta: In my response to Prince I linked to the scene on Youtube from which most of the piece is taken from. Actually, there are two rhyme sounds in this villanelle: the long I and the short AN, but that's the nature of villanelles; they're innately repetitive (both in the rhymes and refrains).

I don't know of any forms that utilize only a single rhyme throughout. Usually, two is the minimum, such as in villanelles and Rondeaus. Forms like Rondeaus and ballades are very difficult to write in English because there just aren't as many rhymes as in, say, Italian or French. The villanelle is a bit easier if only because the refrains take up 8 of the 19 lines.

[qimissung]

I adore that movie, and that final scene where he is fighting the six-fingered man is one of my very favorites in all of cinema.

I realize you are writing about the scene where he is fighting the man in black, before they know who he is, and I personally, find this a very charming rendition of that. Poetry is meant to evolve, and I see nothing wrong with a "loose" version of the villanelle. I wrote one once, and they are a @#*$#* to write.

So, well done, Morpheous!

[Charles Darnay]

Poetry is meant to evolve, and I see nothing wrong with a "loose" version of the villanelle.

I agree with you on this. Morpheus just left himself open to a Inigo-style jab that I couldn't resist.

[Bar22do]

The Princess Bride, MS! a classic! and your villanelle is an excellent rendition of the scene. I too could "hear" the sword!
I tried myself at a villanelle here and there, with such a poor result that it ended up in a trash, so my admiration goes to your achievement unreserved!

[MorpheusSandman]

Qimi: I currently have TPB as #48 on my Top 300, right behind Distant Voices, Still Lives; and just ahead of Star Wars. So that's how much I think of it, personally. I'm glad you read and liked this little tribute to it.

Charles: No harm done! That bit you quoted is actually my favorite quote in the film that I couldn't work into this.

Bar: Thanks so much!

[Jassy Melson]

A villanelle, like a sonnet, is a strict poetic form. Your poem is not a villanelle.

[miyako73]

It is a villanelle to him because there are five tercets and one quatrain. Content does not matter to him. He needs to browse "The Making of a Poem" to find out if villanelle is conversational or has a story. He should check "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop to get the idea how villanelle works.