Deryk, I'm guilty of taking big words and apply them to small personal events. The way you worded your comment is very interesting: Unpacking the possibilities, while the persona is all packed and ready to exit. It seems you understand more about the poem than me. Cheers.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
"Charade" and "misgivings" could equally bear a thousand faces - the rest of the action was extremely precise, so it was a point to wonder for me. I just thought it was interesting that you left those points very open. I read it as an appeal to universality, not a misunderstanding, but room for reflection.Originally Posted by Haunted
"My Soul, do not seek eternal life, but to exhaust the realm of possibility." -Pindar
You got me there. I was intentionally vague with "charade" and "misgivings" after a sharply defined image of exiting metaphorically in black and white. There are a lot of gray areas in what goes wrong in relationships. I thought I would just let the readers to "unpack the possibilities"
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
ooh! I love this one. The second stanza is a fantastic image. Will you leave his misgivings on his side?
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
nay
Last edited by Haunted; 04-01-2011 at 01:46 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
I want to take a moment to thank you all.
Your kind words and critical comments are priceless.
I'm a better writer because of you.
Goodnight Litnet
~ - ~ - ~
A Short Collection of Trashy Poems
introduction
love story
his green eyes
Google Earth
dead on
My name is Jane
fashionably speaking
of cat and men (a Christmas poem)
the anesthesiologist
Adam's apple pie
honesty
the fire
Sense and Sensuality
Last edited by Haunted; 04-01-2011 at 02:12 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Goodnight Haunted. Sleep tight
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
Miss you already and you are going no where sweet haunted, see you soon x
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Be careful what you wish for Jerry x
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
stay with me
he says something
I ignore him
it’s late
and then he sings
like his life depends on it
that gets my attention
my full attention
slowly I lie on the floor
my eyes fixating on him
he takes a step forward
throws his head down
now he's almost over me
stay with me he says
his fists tighten
the mike screams
but he screams louder
stay stay stay with me
pleeeease stay
stay with me
he’s relentless
I'm feeling helpless
staaaay with me he sings
I melt
I’m a puddle
of warm chocolate fudge
flowing towards his feet
he’s my new reality
on the other side
of the plasma screen
Last edited by Haunted; 06-15-2011 at 10:11 AM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Wow, this one reaches out to me, Haunted...
"I’m a puddle
of warm chocolate fudge
flowing towards his feet"
Very nice my dear, very nice indeed.
Al Green? One of your finest moments haunted. The line quoted by maryd is a pinnacle in a poem lost in the joy of sweet sweet music.
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
I always enjoy reading your poems, and this one really made something vibrate in me (although, barbarian me, I don't seem to know Al Green – gotta Youtube the guy, I reckon). The only thing that puzzles me a bit is the single use of the past tense whereas the rest is told in the present tense (you know, the line "he took a step forward"). But not being a native speaker, I've perhaps missed something there... I sure have missed you and your poetic voice, haunted!
"Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)
Thank you so much Mary, Jerry and Dieter, I'm thrilled it engages you! I fixed it, thanks for the correction D, my grammar is awful.
Alas, it's not Al Green, I don't know him, had to wiki him. It's Pat Monahan, here it is.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
to a woman I used to know
I just want to
know how you are doing
did the nightmares stop
does the dry skin over your knuckles
still split open and
bleeds for hours
when you bend
your knotty boney fingers
mine are better
the nightmares that woke me up
now it’s just dreams
I can't wake up from
and I’m still bleeding
mom nod if you can
hear me see me
recognize me
any better
than the last year
of your life
Last edited by Haunted; 08-23-2011 at 09:01 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
