A co-write with Maximilianus

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08-09-2010, 04:22 AM
Maryd.

A co-write with Maximilianus

Hi all, just a quick note. This poem is a co-write with Maximilianus, after a heart to heart.
Enjoy.

Two Tragedies Like One

No scar visible to the eye
But your spirit is wounded
Like mine.
We are two for tragedy!
I'm not entitled to judge,
Stupidly I fell for an illusion too
My good sir we are dreamers...
Believing in the unreachable.
If only a little closer.
Apparently we are bound to suffer,
You fell for a romantic
A fool, a dreamer too.
Now we are totally abandoned,
Along with the bitter wishes undone
And - of one's own company.
Two lonely hearts left to bleed...
Trying to survive the bitterness...
We imagine what it could have been
Had we made it work.
But alas it wasn't meant to be
You're here alone
And so am I.
08-09-2010, 04:38 AM
billl

This was woven together nicely. The highlight for me was the early exclamation point at the end of the line "We are two for tragedy!" It sounds like things might be on the mend.
08-09-2010, 05:45 AM
breathtest

I wonder if it was hard to co-write this, because usually co-writing takes a lot of compromise. Anyway it's so tragic but at the same time it's beautiful.
08-09-2010, 06:39 AM
Maryd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by billl

This was woven together nicely. The highlight for me was the early exclamation point at the end of the line "We are two for tragedy!" It sounds like things might be on the mend.

Actually Bill you have Max, to thank for that line. He is quite clever. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by breathtest

I wonder if it was hard to co-write this, because usually co-writing takes a lot of compromise. Anyway it's so tragic but at the same time it's beautiful.

Breathtest, ordinarily I would say yes, it would have been hard to write. But this wasn't, only because like I stated in my intro, it was a heart to heart and we just said what we felt. All I did was, copy and paste, put it all together, cut out a few 'and, ifs and but's' And my clever friend Max, came up with the title of the poem. Unusually simple really.
08-09-2010, 06:39 AM
dafydd manton

A product of two bright minds - I have to say I throughly enjoyed that. Going to try another one?
08-09-2010, 06:41 AM
Maryd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

A product of two bright minds - I have to say I throughly enjoyed that. Going to try another one?

Don't know D, this one was an accident. Would you like to do one with me?
08-09-2010, 08:48 AM
neilgee

Aw, such a sad poem, I'd never know it was a dual composition if you hadn't told me, Mary.
08-09-2010, 08:54 AM
Maryd.

Thanks for reading it Neil... Like I state earlier, it was an accident.
08-09-2010, 10:00 AM
hillwalker

An accident, but almost a case of two pens scratching as one.....

From the subject matter and the positive way you have both handled it (despite the tragic overtones) I guess sharing your thoughts with a fellow-writer who has suffered the same was a rewarding exercise creatively and emotionally. It reads as the outpouring of two minds..... not conjoined but certainly on the same wavelength.

H

H
08-09-2010, 10:03 AM
Maryd.

Thanks for your comment Hillwalker. It is true, there are two tales almost identical, but indiviual as well.
M
08-09-2010, 10:22 AM
dafydd manton

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maryd.

Don't know D, this one was an accident. Would you like to do one with me?

I'd love to, but I can only write frivolous nonsense, without much meaning, just in the hope of being funny. (Please, let it be funny!) I don't think I could do your work any credit at all, since you use so much depth of feeling, and mine are so shallow. I've only ever written 2 serious poems in my life, and I don't like either of them much! :thumbsup:
08-09-2010, 02:36 PM
aliengirl

When two brilliant minds and two sensitive heart interweave their experience the result is always beautiful. Yes, it is sad but beautiful. The title is so apt and I like the last two lines-
"You're here alone
And so am I."
08-09-2010, 03:54 PM
Jerrybaldy

Very good Mary d. Collaboration is interesting. Could put two totally different writers together and see what unholy mess comes together. Or not :)
This worked though
JB
08-09-2010, 05:09 PM
Maryd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

I'd love to, but I can only write frivolous nonsense, without much meaning, just in the hope of being funny. (Please, let it be funny!) I don't think I could do your work any credit at all, since you use so much depth of feeling, and mine are so shallow. I've only ever written 2 serious poems in my life, and I don't like either of them much! :thumbsup:

Ah, my dear sir, how you sell yourself short. One never knows one strengths, if one doesn't try... Your last poem is getting all sorts of wonderful views. I'm sure if I set my mind to it, I could try my hand and head as something comical... Heaven knows, I need some cheering up. Come on, humour me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliengirl

When two brilliant minds and two sensitive heart interweave their experience the result is always beautiful. Yes, it is sad but beautiful. The title is so apt and I like the last two lines-
"You're here alone
And so am I."

Yes well, Aliengirl, it works when two people are telling their stories to each other and they are almost identical...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy

Very good Mary d. Collaboration is interesting. Could put two totally different writers together and see what unholy mess comes together. Or not :)
This worked though
JB

Dear Jerry, it seemed that Max and I were telling the same story, then he came up with the line 'we are two for tragedy' and I said for a joke, that, that would go down well as a poem and that's how it ended up here.
08-09-2010, 07:13 PM
Haunted

this is so seamless, written by two who are feeling as one, speaking for the rest of us whose hearts are likewise as broken. Thanks for such an outstanding collaboration.
08-09-2010, 07:27 PM
Maryd.

Thanks Haunted... Everyone has had some form of heartbreak, how they cope with it is another poem.
08-09-2010, 09:21 PM
Maximilianus

I want to thank everyone for all the valuable comments. Thanks so much :)
08-09-2010, 09:22 PM
Maryd.

Cheers to you Maxi...
08-09-2010, 09:48 PM
Maximilianus

And to you, fellow poetess http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/drinks.gif
08-10-2010, 09:15 AM
Maryd.

This was such a bigh hit... We'll have to do it again one day.
08-11-2010, 01:38 AM
qimissung

Only the next one should have a happy ending! I know this was technically a tragedy, but it appears that you have ended up with a tall cold glass of lemonade!
08-11-2010, 01:44 AM
Maximilianus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maryd.

This was such a bigh hit... We'll have to do it again one day.

Anytime, Mary!

Quote:

Originally Posted by qimissung

I know this was technically a tragedy, but it appears that you have ended up with a tall cold glass of lemonade!

Not really, qimi. Or if you want to put it in terms of lemonade, let's say that the lemonade was merely to celebrate the possibility of having found someone with whom to share the grief. As for the tragedies, they remain.
08-11-2010, 03:03 AM
Maryd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by qimissung

Only the next one should have a happy ending! I know this was technically a tragedy, but it appears that you have ended up with a tall cold glass of lemonade!

Thanks for taking the time to read it qimissung... Again, it's just an image of past relationships that weren't meant to be. Sad, but I think we have all may have experienced a similar situation.