hope this hasn't been done before:
can boys and girls/ women and men be friends, esp. when one of them is single? or will one of them start to romance the other sooner or later?
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hope this hasn't been done before:
can boys and girls/ women and men be friends, esp. when one of them is single? or will one of them start to romance the other sooner or later?
They can be friends. It's very rare situation, usually when they know each other too long and too well.
too long and too well to feel attracted to each other? like brother and sister, you mean?
I think so, but I had to rack my brain to come up with one guy I'm friends with that I haven't either dated previously or ended up dating as a result of being friends. But I was able to come up with one.
Then of course there are male coworkers that I have grown close too and that I consider friends, it's inevitable when you see someone everyday for years.
May I present a view from a 1950's male?
Most definately men and women can be friends without the sexual aspect intruding and yes, that applies even where one or both are married.
For me, born in 1950, and having been abused in my early years and then bullied all the way through school, I find male/male friendship difficult to cope with (A matter of misstrust of any male)
However, I am at ease with most women and OK, there have been some friendships where I wished for sexual contact but recognised that such would be inappropriate and kept my feelings to myself. (But also remained friends!)
There is one extra point I will mention.
I am "straight" in my orientation but, the closest male friends I had had (2 of them) have been Gay. They knew of my preference and never intruded in a sexual manner, they were just really good people!
Yes it is possible, I have two different friends that are of the opposite gender,
one that has been going on now for 20 years and another that is only about 2 years old..I believe that the circumstances determine what kind of friendship evolves.
Many of my closest friends are men. One stands out above every other friend I’ve ever had. He was selfless and caring and did his best to take care of me during a time when I really needed someone to take care of me. I don’t know where I would be today if he hadn’t been there. Sadly, I was not such a good friend at that time and so the friendship ended. But if you’re still out there Clay, I still love you and appreciate what you did for me!
:( my boyfriend went through a similar experience, so most of his friends are femaleQuote:
Originally Posted by Sir Chaucer
i like your attitude :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Chaucer
i have lots of male friends and most of them never even dreamt of romancing me :) so I believe girls and boys/ men and women can be friends, too :)
but some guys really get on my nerves because as soon as you say "Hello" or "How are you?" they interpret it as a pick up line.
with most of them it's not even "sexual"... it's more like they are willing to start a relationship (even a steady one, I don't even mean casual sex or something) with the first girl who talks to them... it's really weird coz I tend to think you should get to know someone first before you figure out just how much you like them...
Yes. I have women friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyWitch
Yes. I have them kind of friend too.Quote:
, esp. when one of them is single?
Quote:
or will one of them start to romance the other sooner or later?
You can't stop the Love Thing happening. No matter how hard you try.
But you can control the sexual aspect.
Friendship needs to destroy some walls between people without destroying those walls you can't be friend with someone. And if a man and a woman destory walls between each other, then either man or woman started to be a man or woman. I don't believe a man and a woman can really be friend without losing some part of their identities.
interesting thought, Turk...
but what if man and woman are a couple? wouldn't that mean they lose part of their identity, too?
That's different. If they are couple, they shouldn't have any walls between them, because there's love. I am talking about two possible result of being friend with opposite sex, destroying walls between a girl/boy will make you fall in love with her/him or losing a part of you gender identity.
ok... i see...
why would they lose part of their gender identity? you mean because they'd do activities together that are normally typical of only one of the genders? like the boy would have to go window-shopping with the girl and the girl play rugby with the boy? or do you more on a more abstract or psychological level?
So simple. If you put a boy between girls and raise with girls (that happens especially boys who have 4-5 sisters) he'll be like girls, because human affected from other people he spend his time. Also men and women are different even though capitalism (and inventions of capitalist economy such as feminism) tries to make 'em single gender, single workforce and single consumers. Plus friendship is one of those things which gives us our moral/psychological shape.
Also don't oversimply; i am not telling girls would play rugby or something like that; but for example my friends has some female friends; sometimes they join us; and they have to hear slang and manly jokes of males. I really don't like it; though i expect an individualist-selfish western person may tell me "it's their choice, not yours" i still don't approve it. That's making them lose their gender, i am not telling they are turning to man; but i am telling women should be like women (and now someone may tell me; "you can't stereotype people, everyone is free and everyone can be whoever they like to be").
Actually we should define friendship a little too, there's types of friendship; some is shallow like talking to someone, sometimes spending time with him/her, but here i am talking about true friendship based on understanding each other's thoughts and psychology.
It's not rare. Adults have many opposite gender friends. It's young people who don't, probably becuase of over active hormones. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by bazarov
Yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyWitch
YesQuote:
esp. when one of them is single?
Not necessarily.Quote:
or will one of them start to romance the other sooner or later?
There is more to love than sexual relationship. In simple friendship, there is love as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by Turk
As for what you said about gender identity, I totally disagree with you here. In other words, are you trying to suggest having a parrot as a pet would bring in me parrot-ish characteristics? :p
People are not parrots.:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Pensive
But it can move people away from the human-identification! Can't it? :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Turk
Of course; yes is the only answer.
Of course. I have a lot of male friends myself..and some of them are single too. I can see no problem in that.
And boys are not girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by Turk
:p
We personally think yes. Can't actually see why not.
I think they certainly can. I also acknowledge there is, at times, a danger, chemistry can pop up in the oddest places and without any warning but you can't let that limit who you become friends with. If those feelings should happen to pop up, there is such a thing as restraint and good sense and if you're such good friends, you should be able to talk about it and come to some sort of understanding, whatever that may be.
This is fun. When I was studying for my Baccalaureate in London I met my best ever non-sexual relationship-wise male friend. His name was/is Dominic. He was/is bi-lingual [french/english]; most of the students on the Bacc.were/are bi-lingual on some mix of languages.Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyWitch
Okay, back to the question at hand. I was in a relationship, heterosexual [because I am]. Dominic was bi-sexual, and he enjoyed sex with either gender. Lunchtime at school was a very good time for the two of us, we would repair to the student union and catch up on our week. I would tell him of going to concerts in London, parties and my latest relationship issues. We would lie on these 'bean-bag' type things in the 'Students' Union' and chat. He was my best friend for a very long time and I am very glad to have known him. And so, to answer the question, most definitely yes, men and women can be very close friends but without a necessary sexual liaison. Admittedly, this was a little different as Dominic was not gay he was/is bi, so I suppose there was/is always the chance but our 'Lego doesn't/didn't fit that way'. Haven.
Well, Dominic is not opposite sex for you.
How do you know? Haven...Quote:
Originally Posted by Turk
Exactly, if he's bi, anyone could possibly be under the heading as "the opposite sex". ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Haven
Exactly.........LOL:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Idril
but Yes, opposite sex friends are very possible, as per my previous post.
Nice story.
yeah of course they can be friends but i think there is a certain line to draw when it comes to this if a guy has no freinds that are guys then i think thats a little over the line. same for a girl if a girl never trys to make freinds with any girls that seems a bit suspicious to me. any way u look at it the only answer is yes whether they are single or not.
Your friend seems quite a character, Haven. I think true friendship is such a gift to receive, that when we find a special friend it really behooves us to cherish them, no matter what sex they are. If romantic chemistry rears it's head, well...so what? There is no reason why we have to act on every single impulse that passes through our minds.Quote:
Originally Posted by Haven
In fact, it is often better (and legal) not to act on every single impulse! I often have impulses to whack people on the head when I am in traffic jams...;)
I think refining the question a bit might be interesting.
Of course it's possible for men and women to be "friends" without "romancing" each other - but can they be friends without sexual tension and/or sexual thoughts about the other? If you have sexual thoughts about your opposite sex friend, is your relationship still purely platonic, or did it go somewhere else - if only in your head? And does that change things? How?
Well, I think it is possible for men and women to be friends without romancing eachother, and even capable for men and women to be friends without thinking of eachother in a sexual fashion.
I have some female friends whom I find extremely atractive, yet I keep my feelings to myself if I feel that they do not return the same or doing so would place them in an uncomfortable or undesirable situation, and in the same breath, I also have female friends whom I trust deeply, and yet I do not feel any romantic feelings towards them and I believe that they do not feel any romantice feelings for me.
I think romance and friendship is a good thing, so long as it doesn't feel strained or forced in any fashion, it may seem odd, but sometimes long friendships grow into romances.
i used to belive that friendship between men and women is possible. i even used to fight to prove it. until one day i found out that someone i considered to be my male-friend was sending to me some nasty-annonymous-sexual sms's... ;) no, friendship between men and women is not possible if at the same time they don't have some additional relationship (brother-sister; husband-wife etc.)
That is terrible. But don't just base your arguments on just one experience. Majority of us have had that kind of dissappointment. But we learn from experience and find better friends :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Durgamol
i know that but i didn't find any male friend until now... But i did find my future husband ;) anyhow, i hope one day it will be possible for me to believe in it againQuote:
Originally Posted by Lote-Tree
I hope so too :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Durgamol
I believe when we are teenagers male and female friendships can be compounded by hormones. It is natural. But later in life when we learn to control our sex instinct and our hormones are balanced out then it becomes easier for friendship to develop and that kind of friendship to be lasting. But even then you can't stop the Love Thing happening. But you can control the sexual aspect....
It is possible for men and women to be friends.
It happens though that in some cases one is attracted to the other but because the other does not have the same feelings/ is not interested, the relationship stays a platonic one.
For me for example, my friends' (girls) boyfriends or husbands are sexless:), they are friends, fullstop.
I've had many male friends, and they've always been just friends, not boyfriends :)
I think it is possible and this is from experience. I have many guy friends who have stayed only friends.
yeah. That's possible. Well, except the personality of the girl and the boy... if one's flirty and the other's a flirt... no need to say anything. ZAP! They're together. :D