Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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08-29-2010, 08:05 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Just because you have that on your doorway....

:D

I think we can be a bit more positive than that.

What's wrong with the simple "Den of Iniquity"?

" Den of Iniquity " Sounds good to me. Inspirational, almost as good as the " Mobbled Queen ". I give up I am away to my bed, door slams. :(
08-29-2010, 08:07 PM
dafydd manton

Immer Im Mist, Nur die Tiefheit Verandert Sich. or "Always in the manure - it's only the depth that varies."
08-29-2010, 09:50 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

...That rain will be gone by Monday morning GMT, and then no more than 5 mm before Friday afternoon.

"5mm...Have you been firing NATO rounds into the sky?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.

Here in Rockford, I've come to learn that Ruddy Squab is the local delicacy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

I think it was something along the lines of Beware the Dog.

How about "Beware the hair of the dog"

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Ahh, a kind of burnt offering. Then if it doesnt stop raining we threaten to "offer" some more.:angelsad2:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Immer Im Mist, Nur die Tiefheit Verandert Sich. or "Always in the manure - it's only the depth that varies."

I’m sorry gentlemen, the Chianti is doing its job and therefore I am unable to restrain myself. All this talk of digested grass is welling up a nostalgic tear:

“… Cityslicker, I see you come for a truck load of our most prized commodity, but there is something I’ll share with you that is far more precious than Fire Frisbees”

The dung loader popped his head into the bar to let me know the chips were about ankle deep in my truck; “jes wunderin if I should keep shovelin in more BS”.

“Yes, yes; let’s keep piling it on.”

Annoyed at the interruption, the Terrier continued: “City slicker, are you familiar with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?...”

---------

“…Fortunately, I have never experienced the bottom of a steaming heap head first while attempting to maintain a clear perspective. I should think that one would be in want of goggles and a mask if they were to indulge themselves.
Your reference to Timbuktu made me realize that I left out roughly 200 years of detail between that glorious night on the Llano Estacado in 1541 to Salzburg Austria in 1763….”

----------

“…to his most trusted lieutenant; Miguel Cervantes. Lt. Cervantes returned to Spain in the region of S____ and gave the music to a Franciscan monk by the name of B_____ S____. BS placed the music in the sepulcher of a famous knight who hailed from the region of La Mancha…”

.
08-29-2010, 10:34 PM
jocky

I have never denied being partial to a "hair of the dog" but I have never tried to swallow it whole. This is after all the Cold Ale Thread where hard working guys are allowed to let their hair down. Cervantes understood this well or there would have been no Sancho Panza. Do not misconstrue having a joke with being unread and uneducated.
08-30-2010, 01:00 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Jesus, there are a lot of people like that in the world.

Lovely!

I must say, I've always wondered why USA built their retirement state in the middle of a tropical swamp. Helps weed out the sick, I guess.

I'll have a go, but I'm struggling with some persistent rain here right now!

Has it stopped raining yet??

No kidding,
Well, everyone here who hasn't gone to the beaches are complaining of stomach problems too...I've felt dreadful the last few days..
I think that might be the idea; get us down to the tropics and then give us all those flu shots...if one doesn't knock off the elderly population, the other will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I can confirm we have had a change in the weather, its now COLD as well as wet.

I think I'd take your cold; it's hot and wet here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Ahhhh - a British summer. Isn't Yorkshire wonderful!

Do you guys really get rain; when I've been in Britain, I could walk a mile in your rain and my clothes were still dry?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Don't forget the wind. Wet cold and windy. Lovely August.

Last time I was in London in August it was hot as a furnace and I had an attic room, I laid on the bed most of the day next to the one window.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.

Don't you dare; that is a gorgeous duck. We don't get anything that pretty in florida.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

I haven't worn a suit for years, the last one I had had to be donated to a clothing charity on account of the waist size having unaccountably shrunk so as to be unwearable.

My whole wardrobe is having that problem; the only thing that I can button is the top.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taliesin

If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...

Next time get a pink bike or bright green...bad business, my sympathies...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:)

You will give him a five hundred pounds reward, as all that exercise was killing you.

Whoever claims that once a person rides a bike, they never forget has not meant me; I can't even keep the things up anymore, much less fit my bottom on the seat..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

That's funny - Mrs Paulclem always recommended a plastic bag - over the head.

Has Mrs Clem suggested you finish all of the spring repairs first...has she taken to shopping at victorias secret.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Since the Cold Ale Thread is clearly on the up, is it not time we had a motto? Here is my humble suggestion; " Omnes relinquite, O Vos intrantes. " :)

I can't find the break down; please interpret...
08-30-2010, 05:08 AM
Emil Miller

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taliesin

If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...

I know it's no consolation, or, depending on one's political persuasion, perhaps it is, but our current Prime Minister also had his bike stolen. Now he has to go around in his Lexus; as they say, it's tough at the top.
08-30-2010, 06:16 AM
dafydd manton

Sounds - you ask if we get rain. We do indeed, the only difference being that at the moment, instead of falling vertically, it comes sideways. Sometimes from two different directions.
08-30-2010, 07:54 AM
jocky

The sun is shining in Scotland today......hold on......no it has just disappeared behind a muckle huge bleak black storm cloud. We should be grateful that is the first time it has been sighted up here in twenty five years. Happy days :)
08-30-2010, 12:03 PM
prendrelemick

Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.
08-30-2010, 03:22 PM
Emil Miller

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.

This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.
08-30-2010, 03:24 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

"5mm...Have you been firing NATO rounds into the sky?

Don't they use 9mm?

Do NATO have small weapons?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

All this talk of digested grass is welling up a nostalgic tear:

Me too.

I love the smell of frshly-opened silage pit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

No kidding,
Well, everyone here who hasn't gone to the beaches are complaining of stomach problems too...I've felt dreadful the last few days..
I think that might be the idea; get us down to the tropics and then give us all those flu shots...if one doesn't knock off the elderly population, the other will.

Mind you, there must be excellent economies of scale in Florida.

Hope you're feeling better!

I'm getting Parker to chill the Kahlua to exactly 4 degrees C for you when you come right.

:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I can't find the break down; please interpret...

Abandon hope, all ye who enter.

Jocky's translation of "beware the dog" is also accurate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.

In the cack would be right!

:lol:
08-30-2010, 03:24 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.

:smilielol5:
08-30-2010, 03:57 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.

:)

After much consultation among the Scottish membership we have decided to come down in favour of Mick's proposal, with one proviso, the majority of urban members shall not be lorded over by the minority pastoral aristocracy. You know who you are. :)
08-30-2010, 04:01 PM
dafydd manton

Or. to put it another way: "We'll have none of your **** in our chambers!"
08-30-2010, 04:07 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.

:)

Yes, but common sense finally kicked in and they changed their name to Southwark Housing Investment Team Enterprise. :)
08-30-2010, 04:10 PM
dafydd manton

And nobody noticed.................
08-30-2010, 04:22 PM
The Atheist

Now this stuff brings back happy memories. I used to live for English assignments where I could dream up epithetic acronyms.

Most don't bear repeating in this type of open forum.

:D
08-30-2010, 04:29 PM
dafydd manton

I genuinely spent some time on an Army signals Regt unit, which had a First-Aid Techinical Stores Officer, a very florid and rotund Major.....FATSO!
08-30-2010, 09:33 PM
The Atheist

I have honestly interviewed a man named Wayne Kerr.

Also, Rod Stewart, Bruce Willis and several others with celebrity names.
08-31-2010, 04:36 AM
Emil Miller

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:)

Yes, but common sense finally kicked in and they changed their name to Southwark Housing Investment Team Enterprise. :)

Actually they changed it to OHIT. I never discovered what the 'O' stood for.
08-31-2010, 08:40 AM
prendrelemick

Perhaps the O was a zero.
08-31-2010, 09:19 AM
Emil Miller

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

I genuinely spent some time on an Army signals Regt unit, which had a First-Aid Techinical Stores Officer, a very florid and rotund Major.....FATSO!

One of my former colleagues in the MoD was sent to the Falkland Islands for six months. He said that the British radio station that broadcast to Argentina was called the Falkland Islands Broadcasting Service. The Argentinians must have had a laugh at that.
08-31-2010, 03:05 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Perhaps the O was a zero.

That's very good!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

... Falkland Islands for six months...

Los Malvinas! English imperialist!

Who was the radio designed for? Did it actually have an audience, or was it some kind of Lord Haw-Haw for the '80s?

Here, this'll cheer you up.

When the Falklands War was happening, I had a friend about to take the "big OE" as it's called in Kiwi-speak - an extended overseas trip - and he was going to UK/Europe first. He was a bit worried, because of the war, so I asked him why that bothered him.

He thought the Falklands were part of the Channel Islands and that the war was within an Exocet of London.

:smilielol5:
08-31-2010, 03:06 PM
dafydd manton

.....and he was a Navigator!
08-31-2010, 04:48 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

That's very good!
Here, this'll cheer you up.

When the Falklands War was happening, I had a friend about to take the "big OE" as it's called in Kiwi-speak - an extended overseas trip - and he was going to UK/Europe first. He was a bit worried, because of the war, so I asked him why that bothered him.

He thought the Falklands were part of the Channel Islands and that the war was within an Exocet of London.

:smilielol5:

I once asked a colleague who was going on holiday to Miami if she was going to pop up to see her sister in LA, not realising that it is as vast a distance from the UK to Miami as it is from Miami to LA

I'm a smalltown boy.
08-31-2010, 04:53 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

That's very good!

Los Malvinas! English imperialist!

Who was the radio designed for? Did it actually have an audience, or was it some kind of Lord Haw-Haw for the '80s?

Here, this'll cheer you up.

When the Falklands War was happening, I had a friend about to take the "big OE" as it's called in Kiwi-speak - an extended overseas trip - and he was going to UK/Europe first. He was a bit worried, because of the war, so I asked him why that bothered him.

He thought the Falklands were part of the Channel Islands and that the war was within an Exocet of London.

:smilielol5:

The benefits of aggressive Imperialism are about to bear fruit. The waters around the Falkland Isles are heaving with black gold and it is about to be harvested. This will probably lead to another war, this time against a South American coalition bankrolled by Hugo Chaves. We could, of course, negotiate a deal and everyone is happy but history points in the other direction.
08-31-2010, 04:55 PM
dafydd manton

My first Mother-in-law, who lived in a tiny village in Rutland, North Luffenham, asked me once why we didn't pop back on weekends. I was stationed in Berlin!
08-31-2010, 06:38 PM
Paulclem

This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.
08-31-2010, 07:02 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

My first Mother-in-law, who lived in a tiny village in Rutland, North Luffenham, asked me once why we didn't pop back on weekends. I was stationed in Berlin!

That brings back memories, after our last tour of the northern part of an Island located in the Atlantic we found ourselves in the haven of Catterick. It was my proud duty to inform the guys in the gymn hall that life was going to be so much easier. " After a light exercise on Friday afternoons the weekend is all yours. " I omitted to mention that they would be so knackered they would not waken up till Sunday. I am glad to find there is someone even older than me in the Blokes Thread. :)
08-31-2010, 07:15 PM
dafydd manton

Oh, cheers, Jocky!! I'm a very youthful 55. Indeed, I am actually 21 with 34 years of additional experience!
08-31-2010, 07:36 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Oh, cheers, Jocky!! I'm a very youthful 55. Indeed, I am actually 21 with 34 years of additional experience!

:)

To hell with the experience, we both wish we were 21 again.
08-31-2010, 07:40 PM
dafydd manton

Ah, now to have the mind of the older man, but the body of the younger.....!
08-31-2010, 07:50 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.

Paul, if that does not get you promoted to Deputy Headmaster with the commensurate salary increase, my name is not Jocky. The powers that be only need to read your posts and your elevation is guaranteed. :)
08-31-2010, 07:54 PM
dafydd manton

I have a funny feeling that our putting in a good word might be a hindrance......
08-31-2010, 08:22 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I once asked a colleague who was going on holiday to Miami if she was going to pop up to see her sister in LA, not realising that it is as vast a distance from the UK to Miami as it is from Miami to LA

I'm a smalltown boy.

:lol:

At least you didn;t suggest she walked!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

The benefits of aggressive Imperialism are about to bear fruit. The waters around the Falkland Isles are heaving with black gold and it is about to be harvested. This will probably lead to another war, this time against a South American coalition bankrolled by Hugo Chaves. We could, of course, negotiate a deal and everyone is happy but history points in the other direction.

Yes, I see that. Is there any ironic value in Argentina having a female in charge this time around?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.

That doesn't surprise me. I once employed a 26 year old woman who had never been more than 30 km from her home suburb in her entire life. She thought Auckland was the entire country.

(it actually is, but that's another subject :D)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:)

To hell with the experience, we both wish we were 21 again.

Nah. I'd go for 28. I was a lawnmowing contractor, tanned, fit and could lift a couple of hundred kgs without breaking a sweat. Women used to stalk me.

Actually, remembering that last part, I think I'll stick with 51!

:smilielol5:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

I have a funny feeling that our putting in a good word might be a hindrance......

Hindrance?

Terminal would be more like it.

Ha! What was that I was saying about famous people applying for jobs?

Beat this one!

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...heist/omar.jpg
09-01-2010, 04:15 AM
prendrelemick

I must admit, when my son was walking in New Zealand, I had every confidence I could just go there and find him if need I needed to. After all, I knew he was somewhere on the South Island. How hard could it be?
09-01-2010, 10:04 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

I know it's no consolation, or, depending on one's political persuasion, perhaps it is, but our current Prime Minister also had his bike stolen. Now he has to go around in his Lexus; as they say, it's tough at the top.

I think it is rather nice of him to run around in a Lexus instead of a limo; what does the queen go about in?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Sounds - you ask if we get rain. We do indeed, the only difference being that at the moment, instead of falling vertically, it comes sideways. Sometimes from two different directions.

I guess I won't visit England during rainy season then; when is it cool and dry over there?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

The sun is shining in Scotland today......hold on......no it has just disappeared behind a muckle huge bleak black storm cloud. We should be grateful that is the first time it has been sighted up here in twenty five years. Happy days :)

Or maybe I'll visit Scotland; but I hear you have to be in good condition and walk uphill alot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.

How about Cold Ale Nights...I like the concept of telling the spouse, "I'm going to the can"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.

Even better...

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Mind you, there must be excellent economies of scale in Florida.

Hope you're feeling better!

I'm getting Parker to chill the Kahlua to exactly 4 degrees C for you when you come right.

:lol:

I walked into the hospital today just for a medical clearance form; just the thought of them touching me and I feel 100%; tell parker I'm ready for that Kahlua...

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Or. to put it another way: "We'll have none of your **** in our chambers!"

:smash:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

My first Mother-in-law, who lived in a tiny village in Rutland, North Luffenham, asked me once why we didn't pop back on weekends. I was stationed in Berlin!

:crazy: I had one of those too; Poor woman, she kept asking to see her son and he kept sending me in his place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.

Was she American; I thought we were the only ones who thought that there were no other countries in the world...
09-01-2010, 11:01 AM
Gilliatt Gurgle

The Breakers Beach Club
“Come in the water. The water is fine”
The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related

.
09-01-2010, 07:04 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

The Breakers Beach Club
“Come in the water. The water is fine”
The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related

.

:)

You give a new meaning to the term fossil hunters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Or maybe I'll visit Scotland; but I hear you have to be in good condition and walk uphill alot.

Soundo you know you are more than welcome, but I have a statistic for you. 9.2 million Americans are of Scottish descent, while only 5 million Scots remain in Scotland. Go figure. Besides, Mrs Jocky has ordered me to sweep the snow off the mountains as she says, " I am nae being embarassed in front of our American guest. " :)
09-01-2010, 10:12 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

The Breakers Beach Club
“Come in the water. The water is fine”
The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related

I had forgotten what real bossoms on actresses look like! They're cute, but the Betty Boop voice has to go and they should fire the coreographer
.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Soundo you know you are more than welcome, but I have a statistic for you. 9.2 million Americans are of Scottish descent, while only 5 million Scots remain in Scotland. Go figure. Besides, Mrs Jocky has ordered me to sweep the snow off the mountains as she says, " I am nae being embarassed in front of our American guest. " :)

Thank you for the kind invite. I'm afraid you and Mrs Jocky would be embarrassed that the Scots in America can barely pull a 12 foot pine out of the ground with all this city living and beach lounging. Tell Mrs Jocky I'm not one of those hoity-toity Americans, I'm wash and wear and can sleep anywhere.:smilewinkgrin:

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