How are you feeling today?

Tired as hell. I am exauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusted

frustrated and apprehensive

Unreasonably happy :D

Had a long productive day and got a lot done.

Annoyed.
Paranoid.
Violent.

Is it too difficult to understand people aren't possessions?

Alcoholic kinda mood!

Tired and a bit moody...

pretty tired...working a night shift for second night in a row...I'm hoping I'm tired enough to sleep in a chair.

Hurting. One of my internl organs is injured.

Sleepy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf

Hurting. One of my internl organs is injured.

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Hope you are doing well and your injury is not very serious, Juniper.

I am feeling fed up and crabby.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

Hope you are doing well and your injury is not very serious, Juniper.

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Thanks Scher. I think it won't be too bad after about four more days.

My Saturday was wasted, which in itself isn't unusual, but I ended my relationship again with my ex, for the last time, over the holiday, and I am surprised by how much I have to de-invest from what was a wrong relationship for the both of us from when we were supposed to marry in 05.

I never loved him, not even from the beginning, but I had gotten used to him, gotten used to working too hard to try to make him understand how I wanted to be treated, and I don't like, at 47, being so alone as to not even having a Safe Male to drag about, as needed, but I can't take it anymore with this modern Ubu, as I call him.

But what picked me up a little, oddly, was remembering how posters in the Speakeasy would yell at me for feeling sorry, and the thought that if I came here this morning and strung my violin, the same thing would happen, though be it within the forum rules, and I smiled a little to laugh at myself.

What has changed though, is my options are significantly fewer. It is not that I *can't* work at all--just that trying to get back into the job market with what I have to cope with, and narrowing supports from the State, this isn't feasible. And I don't resent LN as I did the other (out of a wrongly felt sense of entitlement, I guess) so I cannot whine that deeply or that hard.

Still, I should have been better established as a writer by now, and though I am rattling at the door, closer than I once was in the other community, I am not *there*, and there may take me another five years, give or take, and I am not sure if I can stave off my old destitution--another thing that changed between 02 and 07 is I came into a little money, which made me a reasonably saner cripple--but the end of that comfort is on the horizon, and I just don't know how I find the continuing strength for renewal.

I am tired of being unhappy, and of my anger from humiliation slowly twisting my insides to a fiend I have to talk myself out of from time to time. I dunno.

One midwestern writer, who published a prize winning story about head lice, put it in simple terms: That people didn't know what to say when I relayed my own narrative like this. By the same token, what do I expect strangers on keyboards to reply?:goof:

***
Anyway, I could use a drink, and the best I can do right now, after the fire alarm shocked me awake, is a cup of coffee.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jozanny

My Saturday was wasted, which in itself isn't unusual, but I ended my relationship again with my ex, for the last time, over the holiday, and I am surprised by how much I have to de-invest from what was a wrong relationship for the both of us from when we were supposed to marry in 05.

I never loved him, not even from the beginning, but I had gotten used to him, gotten used to working too hard to try to make him understand how I wanted to be treated, and I don't like, at 47, being so alone as to not even having a Safe Male to drag about, as needed, but I can't take it anymore with this modern Ubu, as I call him.

But what picked me up a little, oddly, was remembering how posters in the Speakeasy would yell at me for feeling sorry, and the thought that if I came here this morning and strung my violin, the same thing would happen, though be it within the forum rules, and I smiled a little to laugh at myself.

What has changed though, is my options are significantly fewer. It is not that I *can't* work at all--just that trying to get back into the job market with what I have to cope with, and narrowing supports from the State, this isn't feasible. And I don't resent LN as I did the other (out of a wrongly felt sense of entitlement, I guess) so I cannot whine that deeply or that hard.

Still, I should have been better established as a writer by now, and though I am rattling at the door, closer than I once was in the other community, I am not *there*, and there may take me another five years, give or take, and I am not sure if I can stave off my old destitution--another thing that changed between 02 and 07 is I came into a little money, which made me a reasonably saner cripple--but the end of that comfort is on the horizon, and I just don't know how I find the continuing strength for renewal.

I am tired of being unhappy, and of my anger from humiliation slowly twisting my insides to a fiend I have to talk myself out of from time to time. I dunno.

One midwestern writer, who published a prize winning story about head lice, put it in simple terms: That people didn't know what to say when I relayed my own narrative like this. By the same token, what do I expect strangers on keyboards to reply?:goof:

***
Anyway, I could use a drink, and the best I can do right now, after the fire alarm shocked me awake, is a cup of coffee.

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I reply.

Good luck.

That's all I can do.

So bored, so tired of everything and nothing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by toni

So bored, so tired of everything and nothing.

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Oh dear. I do hope that your flu has gone away. Here's a wonderful song that I always find inspiring. It's from the great French film Jules et Jim.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqwLx0DG7qQ