I have one more thing to add to the subject of redheads.
http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...Atheist/sf.jpg
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I have one more thing to add to the subject of redheads.
http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...Atheist/sf.jpg
Oh God, what is that...Everybody run:alien:
What dyah mean? I can write poetry with the best of them, just read this and swoon,Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
There was a young man fom Darjeiling,
Who boarded a bus going to Ealing.
A sign on the door,
Said dont spit on the floor,
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
This intellectual snobbery has to cease now or I will start exclaiming my take on Oedipus Rex complete with masks and chorus. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvTQW...eature=related)
That my friend is brilliant!
Chaucer just shifted to his side.
We demand more!
Aaah, you mean Chaunticleer and Pertilot or was it Pertilot and Chaunticleer ? Forgive me Gilly in my dotage I get confused. Who mentioned Rosencrantz and Guildenstein, or was it Guildenstein and Rosencrantz, I..... I ..... forget when does the World cup start again ? Scotland are defenitely going to win it this time round. ! Baagh humbug.:(Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
OK Jocky, I just knocked down another Spaten, so here goes:
With “Chaunticleer and Pertilot”
I already get a lot
With “Pertilot and Chaunticleer”
I see a world cup full of beer!
Rosencrantz and Guildenstein
Share a guilded stein full of wine
Guildenstein and Rosencrantz
Imbibed with wine lost their stance
What d'ya think?
There is an old Scottish saying, those who ask don't get, and those who don't ask dont want.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Ok Jocky, I understand.
I suppose I was being a bit greedy, asking for too much too soon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRTkCHE1sS4
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Nobody ever paid me to think, just do. Obviously I will never make a teacher. On reflection your doggerel is much better than mine. Well thought out, planned and perfectly executed. Did you ever hear about the mathemetician who announced that there were three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who cant? :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
:lol:
There are reliable witnesses North of the border who well know you are lying. We have the goods on you Mick, did you notice her Scottish accent ' Nah Nah, leave me alone rough farmer, well at least till you wash the sheep dip off your hands'
:)
How on earth someone with all the attractions of Prince Andrew - good loks, war hero, rich, mum's the queen, etc - managed to end up with her, I'll never know.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
She's a slapper.
And has been proving it again, turning a PR disaster into a full-blown publicity stunt. She was even on Oprah!
I won't go into the sanity (or veracity of the story) of the alleged Saudi Prince who wanted to pay three million punds to sleep with her.
Personally, she couldn't pay me three million to do it.
That is bloody fantastic.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
If only Shakespeare had stuck to limericks, the world would be a better place.
He could ha'e done Macbeth in five lines:
By murder and deceit, Thane of Cawdor, Glamis, then king,
McBeth & his beautiful wife killed then began to sing,
Their own praises from Dunedin to Islay,
Ultimately remorseful, Lady M took the Socratic Way
From Birnham Wood, it ended; Mac's head, cut off like a chicken's wing.
I just noticed, who is the little Afro-American dude painted on her hand; I'm sure there are other places he would rather be painted:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesterhead
That's it, I'm burning all of my books and just reading the works of Jocky from now on...Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Here, Here!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
So true, I'm getting into the habit of asking now, whether I want or need!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I think you needed quotations around that first sentence; I'm pretty sure I heard it in one of our recent political speeches on the matter of health care:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Do you think we made a mistake when we imported all of the mathematicians over here too;)
It all worked out; her voice greatly improved after the sheep dipQuote:
Originally Posted by jocky
You don't mean it, that's Fergie...it must have been the weight watchers...Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
The royal family really ought to go back to Victorias habits and bring in a bit of new blood; the inbreeding is killing them....
You know, though, I'll bet she is a true redhead...
we shall :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I did, I once brought home a girl who had about 20 piercings in her face, and she didn't mind, maybe because those piercings really did suit her.
yea some tatoos look very good, but tatoos on pretty girls can also be very little flattering if done poorly.
yes, fathers will always help you fix the car if you ask them, it's their thing.
I will seduce her with the "good old" crazy fan style, and I have seen Anne's breasts for starters and she is not shy of talking about those things.
There are sheep dips that can do that. Particularly the single malt ones.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/images-2.jpg
It obviously wasn't you who went nuts and shot everyone then.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
What the hell is with that? Get really mad and kill as many people as possible?
Is UK the new USA?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
There was a young man called Macbeth
Who once stabbed a King unto death
And all I can say
By the end of the Play
Hith height wath a whole head leth.
I'll get me coat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
It happens everywhere now, this is the third time I can remember. Hungerford, Dunblaine and now Whitehaven. The media will hunt around for a reason, the Politicians will leap on band wagons, nothing changes.
That's magnificent!Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Mine was a bit Shakespeareish itself - a bit "try-hard".
Yours is a model of simplicity and brilliance.
Yes, we've even had several here over the past 30 years.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Each time has turned out to be a scizophrenic not taking his meds.
Conspiracists love it, seeing Evil Gummint conspiracies to get rid of guns so they can intimidate us all.
Psychologists love it because it enables them to sound superior, as though they actually had a clue.
Politicians love it because it deflects from real issues which affect everyone not related to the dead/injured.
Tree hugging sandal-wearers love it, because they can trumpet the evil of guns.
Media love it because it increases sales/viewing.
:lol::lol::lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
I nearly lost my peripherals there, I swear bye all that is sacred I will never mention the word limerick again.
The burning question is why did he feel the need to take everyone with him ? Terrible.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Quite right.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
The media are like scavengers with stories like this.
I think it happens more often in that you often get these nutters killing their family instead of strangers. There was one bloke last year shot his wife and teenage daughter, the horses, the dogs and then burned his house down and shot himself. Terrible. It was because of his debts and he didn't want to face it. I'm sure his family would rather have faced the problems, but they didn't get a say.
I'm afraid it's a bloke thing. There are too many of these selfish, aggressive nut jobs about.
There are two possible answers:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
1 He's a typical product of the "me" generation we live in, where if I'm hurting badly enough to kill myself, I'll take as many of YOU as possible on the way.
2 We don't have enough wars nowadays.
Jocky> Run for cover! I am posting in your thread!They should join the Forum to get things off their chests!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Oh, I can give you a long list of people who would fit into that description... Some even on the Forum! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
He was 50-odd - bitter and twisted perhaps. He was shooting the people he's lived among all his life.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Yes - I always check out the litnet photo album to see if they're ok to argue with.
Running now Schez! You realize I was only joking about the green medication, should I stop it or listen to the voices ? Call me Mr Picky but guilt by word association is getting a wee bit worrying. Annoying Jock yes, but mass murderer never, even Mrs Jocky would not countenance that. Goodnight :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
I don't believe I missed your beautiful poem on my last posting...:thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Your mom sounds super cool; does she have any tatoos or piercings?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesterhead
When I was younger, I would have almost rather take my car to the shop then listen to my fathers cursing; now I realize he was enjoying the whole process..
Sounds like a plan; have you figured out how we'll catch up with Robert Pattinson for me...
You dog you, you actually saw the ladies breasts...guys, this one is dangerous; better not bring him with you to visit your lady love.
I realized Simone looks a bit like that lovely singer Evanescense...she's a bit thinner though, does sheep dip also help slim a person down; if so, I need to place an order!Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Such a cute little town, too. Usually, our shootigs take place in a squalid city atomosphere...or colleges..Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I hear he was upset about being left out of a will...I would think the easiest way to handle that was to eliminate the other recipients...I guess he hasn't read as much Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes as I have.
Definitely overkill; over here, they just insure the house or the business and burn it down. There have been a few of our immigrants who have killed their whole families (we haven't let them in on the American way of insurance fraud yet)Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
You aren't kidding; what has happened in the last few weeks. I can remember when the biggest arguments occurred over whether to go vegan or become abstinant....I think in their quest to find spirituality, they discovered schizophrenia...:out:Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Heck, you could include me in that!
(Ten luaghing smilies)Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I see the makings of a joint effort toward an entry in the poetry contest?Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Hmmm...?
On a serious note by the way, I just caught on to the horrible news.
That is tragic and has become all too common here and appears to be spreading.
Well, I suppose it's better than the trend in China, which sees a nutter run into a kindergarten with a knife.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Pretty strange world when you can find crimes worse than a "simple" mass murder.
Hmmm indeed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
I sense more of a retirement from poetry.
:D
:lol::lol::lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Thank you, thank you...I guess I should do a poem:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
There was an old lady from....:idea::nonod:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesterhead
Take away the tatoos, the micro-kilt, the open to the navel blouse and the sexy pose, and she reminds me of a girl who worked on the till at the local Co-op. Its that Rock chick thing that makes all the difference:drool5:
Do you mean stalking?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesterhead
The blonde one in ABBA married her stalker, but it ended in tears.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Great poems by the way.
Hmm, what rhymes with Florida?Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Torrid-er
horrid-er
florid-er
No that's rubbish.
Godzilla rhymes with Florida...Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Anywhere but Buckingham.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
What about Florida Keys? (I know - it's at sea)
A Lady from near Florida Keys
Was very easy to please...
OK, here's one:Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Once there was a lady from Florida
She could even take down Godzilla
All the local lads called him hon'
Each hoping he would be the one
But she just grinned, winked and said "See ya!"
It is official; I have been studying too much this week.
I can't rhyme with Miami or Florida, so I've picked Homestead - province of Miami - instead. (Well that's one rhyme I can use).
A Lady who lived in Homestead
Liked to make her own bread.
Then one hot summer's day
The police blew her away
'Cos she turned to make greenbacks instead.
Has this become the limerick thread now?
Yep, limericks are fine - they've always appealed to me as blokes' poetry.Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
Just nobody start with that haiku rubbish, or I'll have Parker get his nephew Big Jim to throw them out! Worse than sonnets.
what about an ode to a limerick?:thumbsup: