Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Your point about the use of mercurial is one with which I must disagree, and for two reasons. First, I've been on a campaign to stop dumbing myself down for the sake of others; it is destructive to the mind, and I'm not obligated to pretend to be uneducated just 'cause someone else ain't got two brain cells to rub together. Second, speaking at my level without dilution is a good way of filtering out the rude, crude and just plain dull. But I digress...

Fickle: A cucumber wot's been sealed inside a jar in a brine solution.

Kosher:

Kosher: In a Jewish sense, pure, fit or allowed to be eaten or used, according to the dietary or ceremonial laws. In a marketing sense, a ploy to make food sound better, figuring that people will believe the food has some magical property that makes it better.

Edible:

Edible: Taylor Swift's panties. (NB: there are so many directions I could have gone in with this one, my mind was simply flooded with ideas and images--most of them Biblically proscribed. I chose to keep it simple.)

Nibble:

Nibble: To take an experimental taste, usually right before a spitting fit

Delectable:

Nibble: What Hansel and Gretal did to the witch’s edible house. There are lessons here: (1) Don’t eat other people’s houses. (2) Don’t eat the house belonging to a witch. (3) Don’t build your house out of edible material unless you are trying to trap hungry children lost in the woods.


Delectable: How a witch's candy house in the middle of the forest should taste.

Lesson:

Lesson: What people won't do when you try to talk sense to them, no matter how many times they've been trapped by a witch.

Grim:

Grim: 1) The supernaturally powered policemen on the show-- no, wait, that's Grimm 2) Anyway one of two fairy tale collecting brothers... no, that is Grimm, as well hummmmm... 3) foreboding


Fairy Tale:

Fairy Tale: A story too unreal to be believed but not too unreal to be told.

Connection:

Connection: That thing which, when it goes out and you can't get online, causes your blood to boil and smoke to come out your ears as if you'd been cursed by a witch straight out of a Grimm's fairy tale.

Coronary:

Coronary: Doctor Speak for "Heart attack"

Doctor:

Doctor: A guy who gets sued a lot.

Scheister:

Scheister: German for sh*t The French is Merde May also be translated as "Shyster" which is a lawyer who is full of it

Folie à deux:

Folie a deux (don't know how to do accent markings): Technically it means shared psychosis, but since there's an owl hooting in the woods outside my house, I'm going to take liberties and instead say it means the same as Foie gras, liver of a goose or duck wot has been fattened up and slaughtered just to make spread for our crackers. So you see, my reign of wit continues with this latest gibe, thus whetting your appetites in anticipation of my next tumble down the well of jocularity.

Hoot:

Hoot: A noise made by an owl perhaps to search for a mate perhaps just because it is a owl and doesn’t know any better.

Epidemic hysteria:

Epidemic hysteria: One of many reasons, most of them entirely stupid, to explain why 200 people who are not all from the same family saw a UFO over town last night. (NOTE: We are on a fly by from two or more Army Bases, and refueling exercises are sometimes mistaken for UFO's. When the Stealth was being tested in the air here, it was reported as a UFO as far North as Roanoke, roughly 140 miles North. Why can't they just say we were doing Arial tests in that area and that's what you saw?)

UFO:

UFO: An acronym standing for Mass Psychogenic Illness--or maybe not.

Acronym:

Acronym: a city south of Lake Erie, and the fifth largest city in Ohio. Wait, that's Akron.

Dullsville:

Dullsville: Take Exit 13 off I-666. You can’t miss it.

Interstate:

Interstate: an over-hyped movie by Christopher Nolan, whose other films are nothing short of genius. This one, however, was more of a kludge, featuring several themes thrown together into one not entirely cohesive whole. It was, in my view, Nolan's first less than stellar (sorry) effort.

Matt Damon:

Matt Damon: Jason Borne

Johnny Depp:

Johnny Depp: So over it's painful. Please, Johnny, go away.

Vexatious:

Vexatious: Aggravating, something a lot of this "political correctness" and the "I'm offended so you better change" movement has become

Hype:

Hype: To use one’s mouth to put a spin on something. This generates a large amount of BS which, taking the path of least resistance, hits the fan.

Fan:

Fan: 1) Paper thing created by the Chinese that is hand held and can double as a weapon. 2) Caged propeller that spins and blows air towards the direction it is pointed. 3) To display playing cards with a flourish 4) the mythological object that takes it in the kisser when the chips are down and the BS high

Flourish:

Flourish:

• The Pillsbury Dough Boy
• What one does after sieving flour
• Food that reeks of flour

Sieve:

Sieve: One of the holiest things in a kitchen. (rimshot!)


Holy:

Holy: Something full of holes, like the ego of a saintly person that has become so diaphanous, so not-there, that his or her bliss shines through making the rest of us wonder what in hell is stopping us from doing the same.

Diaphanous:

Diaphanous: Translucent, jawbreaker words for "see through" as in "see through" blouse

Jawbreaker:

Jaw Breaker:

• One who emulates those soldier guys who crack nuts à la "The Nutcracker" (or "Jaws" from the James Bond series)
• Malicious candy invented by dentists (yeah - the same ones who hand out toothbrushes at Halloween); usually sold in gumball type machines

Toothbrush:

Toothbrush: Something South Koreans apparently use every five minutes. In their schools, the kids each have a tiny toothbrush locker in the restrooms for use after lunch. They are the most tooth lovin' culture this side of Transylvania.

YesNo: Your comment re: holy really impressed me.

Scobberlotcher:

Scobberlotcher: One who drools a lot due to extreme laziness, usually while loafing in a public place thereby driving away any value people gain by visiting said place. For example our town built a trail along the river for exercise hikers. But it's also near the railroad and hobos camp in the area. These people are Scobberlotching, and it makes the trail dangerous at times.

Steampunk:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tyrion Cheddar

YesNo: Your comment re: holy really impressed me.

---

Thanks, Tyrion Cheddar!

Steampunk: A metallic fascination with the mechanistic 19th century.

19th century:

The setting for many a great whodunit, retro history Netflix series, and steampunk novel; the birthplace of serial killing; the time when steam and coal were harnessed to produce electricity; the time when Victoria's peers owned all the land and the underclass worked it, when not carrying hot water up flights of stairs for said gentry's baths; and, I dare say, twas the age of gothic literature--whence comes the term 'goth'--as well as tuberculosis, all leading to a lot of kids in dark clothes and pale make-up dancing to The Cure.

Wraith:

Wraith: A mysterious, ghost-like creature some don’t believe in and so avoid taking unreasonable, superstitious precautions against like those who do not believe in car crashes and so avoid the precaution of fastening their seat belts until it is too late.

Seat Belt:

Seat Belt: A restraint now enforced by law. punishable by a fine, although I somehow have made it to the thresh hold of 55 and spent probably half without ever using a seat belt. We used to pile everyone into a car or van and go on long trips with kids seated on the laps of grown ups who had no seat belt. We also sat in folding chairs in the back of vans when the seats weren't even fastened to the floor! Not to mention riding in the backs of pickup trucks, setting on the edge or standing and trying to keep balanced! By today's thinking, I should have died during my twenties!

Balanced:

Balanced: Being temperate in one’s choices so one diversifies and doesn’t go to extremes such as when one is eating it is healthier to pick selections from all the food groups rather than restricting oneself to only those foods that one likes. For example, it is more balanced for lunch to consist of diversified servings of chocolate as well as vanilla ice cream, say, three scoops of each, rather than six scoops of chocolate ice cream followed by six scoops of vanilla ice cream.

Diversification:

Diversification: To spread one's taste, money, or habits across a broad band of products. A diverse diet means that you are not restricted in any way, such as being a vegan. A diverse investment portfolio means you own stock in several companies, or invest in bonds, entrepreneurship, and precious metals. Diverse habits can mean you a both a drunk and a dope addict, and probably smoke as well.

Uncertain Sound:

Uncertain sound: a shuffling and a rasping outside the screen door, heard while standing at the kitchen sink with a glass of water, moonlight through the smaller swaying branches of the cherry tree, barren in winter's icy grip, dancing across the droplets in the sink. Could be swirling leaves. Probably a walker.

Oh ****:

Oh ****: When this happens it is usually a sign that someone has flushed the toilet and down below, deep in the depths, at the end of the line, waiting impatiently, there is a demon with a funny grin on his (or her) face who has just turned on the fan.

Steppenwolf:

Steppenwolf: Possibly the greatest novel I've ever read. Certainly the most personal, the one that spoke to my soul as if written for me. It gave me relief in that it made me feel understood, represented, and given voice.

Hairy: