You just want to get close to the hooker.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
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You just want to get close to the hooker.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Ah memories! As a callow youth I played in a Girls vs Boys rugby match. (We had to hop with the ball as a handicap.) As the game progressed we began to realise the possibilities, and stopped passing the ball to each other, prefering to be caught and jumped upon by hoards pubescent girls in gym skirts. It was the only time I ever saw wingers being prepared to ruck and maul.(We lost about 80-0)
I entered the fray as a boy and came from the field a man.
Well people I am sending my report from the local accident and emergency ward. The match did not go as planned. To paraphrase Mick ' I entered the fray as a man and came from the field a eunoch.' Everything was gong well until we won the put in at the first scrum. I looked at my opposite number, God she was a stunner , as we were about to get to grips she ran her tongue seductively over her top lip and said to me in a husky voice ' Jocky you have dropped your contact lens '. As I bent to pick it up she kicked me in the groin and kneed me in the face. The stupid thing was I dont even have contact lenses. When will I ever learn ? :(
So the old adage that rugby is a game played by men with funny shaped balls, is proven true.
:bawling: I and Mrs. Jocky are holding a candlelight vigil :bawling:
Praying for my demise will do you no good whatsoever. I have too much to live for, and besides, who would look after my pigeons ? :)
Oh no, Mrs Jocky was praying for what you lost on the rugby field that fateful day; and I, in an outpouring of feminine comradery was holding a candle at her side:bawling:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
(green laughing smilie)Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Gentlemen and lady, I apologize for being absent for such an extended period time. You see, I was down in central Texas selling rocks to a quarry.
Reminds me of the time when I was a young whipper snapper playing tether ball on the school grounds and had my innards nearly turned inside out. While in the midst of a heated round, I punched the ball and as I plotted the trajectory with prideful eyes, a sudden fear came over me. The orbit was on a collision course with the head of the biggest ten year old sow you’ve ever seen. All of a sudden, I was being wrenched out of the game by a lock of my hair. While holding my head down with her left, doubled over, she proceeded to punch me in the gut with her right, lifting me off the ground with each shot.
The bells rang and as all headed back to class; I was left propped up against the pole with the tether chain wrapped around me. God those were glorious times!
By the way Jocky,
Don’t you fret over your sky r…, I mean pigeons. I’ll be happy to look after them.
Aside: reminder to self - Clean the Browning, pick up a box of 12 gauge buckshot, oh, and of course a flask of Wild Turkey.
Gilliatt
Ah, the good old days when boys and girls were allowed to play in free, unihibited manner.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Teenage pregnancies put an end to it.
Buckshot?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Bird shot, surely?
My god, man, I'd stay away from those rugby tarts; you could lose both of your boys that way...:sick:Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
:) You are working way to hard Gilly, remember Willy Lomond and Death of a Salesman. Never trust a Browning, it has a bad habit of jamming at the most inopportune moments, apparently it only works when you are blowing down the barrel to clear the dust. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Trust you to throw me a forward pass. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Either that, or I am the exception that proves the rule. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Soundo, I will remember you in my will, COST OF CANDLE: FIFTY CENTS: LAWYER DAGGETT TO COLLECT SAID AMOUNT. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Thank you kind sir; I think the kind lawyer is planning to collect double from me...but, as he has an honest face:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Apology to northern hemisphere readers:
This summer down under has been so successful and hot that we've decided to keep it.
As of today, the earth will remain in its current position to ensure that we have all-year summer from now on.
That does mean that northerners will have perpetual winter, a matter which isn't disturbing our sleep at all.
Learn ice-fishing quickly.
Thank you for your co-operation. (No, we aren't taking any migrants.)
:lol: Thank you, I can live without the hot muggy days, drenched clothes after a car trip to the grocery store, bright red skin from just looking trough the wind shield...yes, I think this is a great idea; of course, we haven't heard from our Texas, Nevada, Scottish and English friends yet;)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
You're only doing it to become more like Australia.
I heard that Australia is trying to ban small breasted women in pornography...because it might entice pedophiles? Has anyone else heard that?
No. But to be honest you couldn't make it up.
They'll be seeking to limit certain other aspects too, for fear of making the Austrailian Male feel inadequate.
Don't you just love the wisdom and reason that some people give off?Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Yes, and then I rolled my eyes.Quote:
Originally Posted by BienvenuJDC
Read this for some more insight into the minds of our guardian angels:
Source: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local...-82949612.htmlQuote:
A 13-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy from Valparaiso have been charged with possession of child pornography and child exploitation after it was discovered they were using their cell phones to exchange nude pictures of themselves with each other.
Oh the shame of it all-even old number 7 got bashed, and wild turkey was mistaken for an inedible suggesting regurgitation as opposed to a tasty drinkable to warm the heart next to the hearth. Does that call for another squab on the spit?
Forever winter? HMMMM no mosquitoes, the ice house stays on the lake year round, fewer social invites meaning less travel, those in need of clothing keep it on in public, never again sun-burned, no need for refrigeration outdoors, etc. In spite of all those advantages, the southern hemisphere may be in need of a revolution, or an invasionary expedition so we can avoid the migratory status. I know just the man to start it. His name is Someone Else. His cousin Nobody Else would probably sign on for life, as well as their sister Every Body (not to be confused with less endowed females from islands below the equator).
I'd still prefer a co-ed game of Twister over a similar game of Rugby (clothing optional, but only after we verify age and obtain signed releases for pictures and sworn affidavits for non-intent of gonadectomies of course).
Atheist, you have pulled some stunts in your time, but stealing the sun is not to be tolerated. Remember, the sun never sets on the British Empire. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I hear that New Zealand is annexing the British Empire; yeah, the Queen decided since it's all shrunk so much anyway...and yet there are so many royal mouths to feed, and so many historical buildings to maintain....;)Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I think it's a stunt by a porno film company, but there does seem to be some truth in it. Small-breasted women may appear less than 18, so only big boobs will be allowed in porno films made in Australia.Quote:
Originally Posted by BienvenuJDC
There doesn't seem to be anything new in that.
You can still have the sunsets.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Just after 3 hours of daylight.
Same old same old then...Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
We weren't exposed on the slag heaps of Yorkshire as babes in arms for nowt...and we had to kill and cook our own tin of Tesco's own brand beans...
Eee I remember when if wor all slag 'eaps round 'ere. Afore the' tore em down to make way f' theritige park! Them were t'days .
What?
The slag heaps are the heritage.
Aye, we used to get reet mucky launchin erselves from top t' bottom. We'd go 'ome black an blue, an covered from 'ead t' foot wi coal dust.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Ah remember me mam would shout - get thisen in 'ere, and gi' me a slap as I tried to duck under 'er swingin' fist.
Them were t' days.:lol:
:lol:
To whom it may concern, apart from New Zealand, Florida, Nevada and Texas. The Six Nations start next week. Let me be the first to extend the hand of friendship to all those who are perhaps not Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Italian or Frogs. Some may say this is directed to my English neighbours, but never Jocky, who is renowned for his fair mindedness. Your slag heaps are about to be dismantled and your Green and Pleasant Land shattered forever. Best wishes from Jockland. ;)
A fiver on Scotland to win?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
They did beat Australia.
Dismantle our Yorkshire Munroes! Never .
As a follower of the M62 corridor-code when it comes to Rugby, I didn't realize it was 6 nations yawnion time again.
I'll have a fiver on Wales- poor things need some encouragement.
Don't do it Atheist! I get the blame for everything as it is, but I will not be held responsible for you losing a fiver. Mind you 22/1 against Scotland to win the grand slam....I wonder if the wife has got any money....:idea:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
A rugby league adherent. My son in law is a huge fan of Hull Kingston Rovers, I told my daughter this signified a distinct lack of breeding and an absense of moral rectitude, but she still went and married him. Keep away from that 'Windy Hill' a scene of desolation if ever there was one. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Better send me the money - they're at 25 here.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Any Italians around? I see they're at 250!
Do his knuckles drag on the ground when he walks?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Common among league supporters, I've found.
Do they ever!Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
The best thing about Wales and rugby was when we had Jonah playing for us and the ABs played the pride of Wales.
Some great headlines available.
"Jonah Destroys Wales"... that kind of thing.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
We refer to some of them as "Rock Apes". The alpha male bloke-men who had beards when they were 12 and became fully grown over the summer holidays. They would return to school after the long hot summer and terrorise the neighbourhood of the playground. They could be tracked by the lines of spit they left behind them.
One such creature - Baz was his name - would assault our underdeveloped selves with the challenge
"Every spice on yer!" which meant - give me all your sweets.
If you refused - as I always did being protective of my polos, he would, like some ancient demagogue, give you a magnanimous choice - 50 biffs or a crusty.
50 biffs were 50 arm punches from this drooling silverback. A crusty was a knuckle-down punch on the top of the head. Few could stand more than 15 biffs before collapsing in agony upon the tarmac yard. A crusty downed even the most stalward detractor. I still have dints.
So, yes, out there in the wilds of Yorkshire, stalk knuckle draggers with pockets full of sweeties.
League is still better than union, but down here in the Midlands, I don't get much chance to watch owt else.
Classic!
I recall those kids. I even met up with one a few years ago, and while he was big at school, he stopped growing and only ended up at 5'9". I stared down at him from the extra five inches I tower above him by and asked if he'd hit any kids lately.
He just wandered away, saying nothing.
Some things are worth waiting 30 years for.
Guys, your childhood traumas are as nothing compared with mine, mere toys. I remember my first scrap at school, my opponent was nicknamed, The BONECRUSHER. When I finally regained conciousness and crawled slowly home at midnight, I looked at my old man through my one good eye and sobbed; ' father, life has got to be better than this. ' To which he replied, ' son we are merely competing atoms'. I said, ' But da, I don't want to be a competing atom, surely there must be some alternative. ' He replied ' Yes son, you could be a dead atom ' :)
That's great. Unfortunately for me, I'm only 5 9 too. It'd be touch and go whether history would repeat itself.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I hear they are thinking of playing Berlesconi, apparently he can take a hit. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
In the land of Hobbits, he who is 5 9 is king. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
Yeah, I got lucky!Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely. :)