Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)
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Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)
hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Wait, they are magic right?
Oh my god!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Scotch and kava.
I'll call the ambulance now.
Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.
"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same. It's bad enough they play soccer. Or is it that they play badly. One daughter of mine would put a smack down on our volleyball.
I think the only crazier sportsmen is a bullrider.
I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys.
If, to a closely associated man's hands, lips, etc., the sweat off Dolly Parton's chest is called mountain dew, then the the rugby player's closely associated female partner would call for a rocky mountain high?
The best lies couch the greatest truths. Not all treasures lie on the surface but the best do. Even omissons speak louder than words. I'll attempt to stop the diarrhea of the lip now.
Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.
Well spotted again Mick. The first lines from one of the Bard's finest soliliquies where Macbeth realizes that life is a ' tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing ' I wonder if Shakespeare thought that, though no one would say his plays are tales by an idiot.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
:lol: That's so true!
Absolutely right, they, even like the dumber men would have known the match has not been played yet.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Hey, we have a great women's team in NZ!Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
They beat the US men's team three times last year.
:D
We're all part of the Global Booze Conspiracy, or GBC for short.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Very wise.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
:lol:
Mushrooms are better.
And safer.
;)
I'll fail in my attempt to keep this short. though every attempt be terse.
I'm still trying to overcome the raw feeling that comes after being whipped by a soft wet noodle. It's merely further proof that I really did stop too many hockey pucks with my head (I had actually before questioned if it had been too many-but now, with the help of my firneds, I know it to be the truth).
I certainly hope that the it wasn't the last jackalope that was eaten by our Texan friend. It hinted at a Magnum Opus of a haunch, and if it truly were the last of the breed, unshared, would be a folly. I only ever came across one of those magnificent beings in Wyoming.
Should I say please before I ask someone for directions on how to phrase/insert a previous quote? How about the using the smilies? Or should my words be sufficient?
Son of mine from Houston offered me a gift card to a bunny ranch for Christmas. So-so funny, didn't laugh my *** off, though he knew the offer was jocularly intended. I told him I had something more expensive in mind.
For the lfe of the thread I propose a sporting proposition for winter olympics. Southern hemispherical teams must be given points, spread, odds, since they are playing "out of season". What do you say gents? Intelligent guys from Bemidji (though they probably won't make it to the states' finals) repeat their gold-medal winning performance in the finest of all manly sports-curling?
I don't dare put my hockey ladies up against the New Zealand men's team. It's simply too embarrasing to be done.
Apparently Bemidji is short of a village idiot, as the last one fell off the fence. You have all the right qualities for the position.
Hi, gbrekken.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
If you click on the "quote" button which appears at the bottom right hand corner of each post, you can insert the post you want into your own.
If you would like to quote more than one post, then you need click on the button with the "+" on it on all the posts you want to quote and then click on the "Post a reply" button at the bottom left corner of the page.
Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, please PM me.
Oh Jocky you make me laugh, I hate it when I fall off the fence on top of all my oder brothers. Your country has a gold medal winning curling team?
Brevity at last. You are right though we are crap at everything, apart from wife rustling, boozing, picking fights and enjoying genial conversations. Especially ones with multiple literary allusions interspersed with horse manure. Goodnight Gbrekken. Welcome aboard :)Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Being welcome is not even something my eight older brothers granted me. I'm always brief, just long-winded.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Too cheap? Were they Chinese?
We're like the Jamaican bobsled team.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Just without the speed, finesse or good looks. (or John Candy)
Surely we don't have a team at the Winter Olympics? Our hockey players play on grass - they'll get killed!Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Sounds like a luncheon I went to last week!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
ANTHEM FOR DOOMED YOUTH
What passing bells for those who die as cattle?
Only the monsterous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifle's rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries for them from prayers or bells,
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,-
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all ?
Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.
The pallor of girl's brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing down of blinds.
As a bloke to whom poetry has as much meaning as a cloudy day, I am strangely touched by Wilfred Owen. Dulce et decorum est has always been one of the few pieces of poetry not written by Dylan Thomas that I actually like.
With the Doomed Youth, I find it funny that almost 100 years ago, the fact of kids dying in war was the issue, while now there are no wars for non-volunteers, kids try as hard as possible to kill themselves.
It all confirms what I've thought for a long time - we need more wars!
It is the old lie Atheist ' It sweet and fitting is to die for ones country ' . Testosterone has a lot to answer for. Throw it all in rewind and think back, were we any different ? We have a duty to our kids to keep them out of the meat grinder, unfortunately I have no recollection of listening to my old man, except when trying to empty his wallet. Your right we do need more wars and if my neighbour does not cut his hedge repercussions are imminent.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Comformation:
The country IS going to the dogs. First the Cold Ale Club is over run with females, then one turns up flying with the Red Arrows! What next? Is there any remaining bastion of maleness to retreat to?
(note to Jocky: quips about the state of her cockpit would be in very poor taste)
That's it!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I think that's the day I realised war was unbelievably stupid. I was about 11.
Still can't figure out why everyone else doesn't see it....
I was. I've alwys been an outcast on the fringes of society.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Strange, but true!
:D
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
If hostilities break out, I'll know what it was.
Funny you should take that line..Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
With all the focus on men's health, men's mental issues, the takeover of male bastions and depilation creams for blokes, I'm about to blog that "Men are the New Women!"
:rolleyes:
:lol: Well, in that case :banana::banana::banana: I do hope there's no hairy backs that want depilatory cream:sick:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Is anyone serving tea and some of those nice paste cakes? Ah, and here comes Mrs. Jocky, sit right here dear; the boys are throwing us a party...they say the Blokes thread is missing a "women's touch".
Now, we stand for some occasional female company, but if you start inviting wives along, there will be trouble!
We were all having such a nice time until gbekken brought in those strumpets from the bunny ranch; Mrs Jocky jumped over the bar, fast as lightening, hit one over the head with a bottle and began to mud wrestle with the other.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Last thing I noticed, that little effeminate author (the one who did that whole diagnosis of Richard III from the Shakespeare play) jumped on top of the women, trying to pull them apart, got knocked out and all four went off in an ambulance. I'm trying to make up my mind whether I'll stay and have some of that Kahlua and Bailey's mix, or hitch a ride with Pappaya head.:(
According to the latest intelligence forwarded to me by Wing Commander Biggles, the cockpits have never been so clean. While the pilots are overloaded with flight plans and the latest aeronautical monoevres, the lady in question had been armed to the teeth with brillo pads, mops, sick remover and rubber gloves. The one big worry seems to be if she starts talking some rogue pilot may eject her over the Grimpen Mire. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
That is inhuman, how can anyone not be turned on by mass slaughter and human suffering ? It must have been that Strange Meeting what dun it. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Another gem from William Topaz MacGonnagal. The Tay ( a river in Scotland )
The Tay, the Tay the silvery Tay,
It runs all night and it runs all day.
Note the liberal interpretation of iambic pentameter, freestyle at its most innovative. :)
Son of a Yedi!! There’s someone out there who’s familiar with the great Jackalope!Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
It truly is a small world and no; we Gurgles would never dream of feeding on these magnificent creatures.
My uncle heads up the West Texas Foundation for Jackalope Preservation (most folks simply say; WTF for short).
He is currently breeding the Loblolly Jackalopes (Lepus Antilocapra Pinus Taeda) and is reintroducing them into the Piney woods region of East Texas where their numbers have been dwindling due to poaching by the Conservancy. The western Jackalopes have fared much better due to their size, speed and agility. Ranchers have learned to break and saddle them for use in working their cattle. The antlers are well suited for cattle prodding.
Take a look for yourself: (look toward the bottom of the webpage)
http://www.chuckstoyland.com/potpour...e%20postcards/
Douglas Wyoming is the home of the Jackalope, but I had a haunch, you already knew that.
Prendrelemick, you might consider a Jackalope to work the sheep.
Jocky,Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I hold my glass up to you in a beltaed Veterans Day salute and to your near acquisition of the Victoria Cross.
I'll try follow directions and insert quotes. Didn't work. I'll take a healthy plague over war any day. Thought I'd let that cow pie plop before I continued to larger weightier matters. Conservancy still raises its ugly head-sad day, but probably universal. One smiling dancing banana properly placed, is more satisfying than four ingested. Two things-single malt and golf are both compliments of my ancestors. (Hacker with momentary lapses into brilliance describes my golf game better than my computer skills-gave my clubs to youngest son-they'll help him succeed in law school better than the computer he donated to me). Strumpets, crumpets, and trumpets, my arse. I have to go do laundry. Hate it when one's own smell awakens one and keeps one awake all day long. Cheshire cat smiles.
I could use a Jackalope to round up my chinchevacheQuote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
I trust Athiest is celebrating/basking in the glory of his country's sucess on the soccer pitch. The All Whites have qualified for The World Cup finals for only the second time in their history. jolly good show.
GBrekken,Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
I sent you a couple of messages to your profile page describing the quoting process. Hopefully I made some sense. By the way, I like the narrative description approach for "smilies". "Yellow hand with thumbs up".
Thanks for that Chichevache reference-too funny. Wiki made a reference to the Cantebury Tales, the Clerk's Tale to be specific. Here's how my copy reads:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
"O noble wives, in highest prudence bred,
Allow no such humility to nail
Your tongues, or give a scholar cause to shed
Such light on you as this astounding tale
Sheds on Griselda, patient still and kind,
Lest Chichevache engulf you like a whale."
Good luck to you Atheist and your team!
By the way, how did that playhouse turn out. Did you receive the Certificate of Occupancy from the building officials?
Gilliatt
The team got thrashed, but so did the Poms, so again it's time to thank our lucky stars that Australians are barred from the club! (males anyway)Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
The playhouse is being played in - very popular.
If you came to NZ, or had a week to spare, I'd be able to explain how funny the building permit question is. Short answer, due to NZ's "green" status, coupled with our dual sovereignty status, getting something as simple as a playhouse built would cost $10,000 in legal fees to get a permit.
I'm a rebel - I just didn't get one!
:)
Scotland 23 Fiji 10. The mushroom dinner party strategy worked like a dream. I was going to have a go at Prend, again , but being beat 1-0 by the Brazilians is no disgrace and besides, he might remind me that getting thrashed 3-0 by Whales could be deeply embarassing and leave me all at sea. Still at least one out of two aint bad. Three defeats out of three, on the other hand, would be to difficult to contemplate. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Dark was the nyght as pitch, or as the cole,Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
And at the wyndowe out she put her hole,
And Absolon, hym fil no bet be wers,
But with his mouth he kiste her naked ers.
The joys of the English language. :)
So, to round up. English teams lost to Brazil, South Africa and Aus..Aus.. Austrailia. Thats football cricket and rugby league ( I was there for that one:mad:). There are degrees of humiliation I suppose and bad as it was I thank God i'm not a scottish futba fan this morning, they played like erses.
:lol: OUCH !Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:
A. Shoot the wife.
B. Shoot the boyfriend.
C. Shoot yourself.
Or Jocky's preferred option:
D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ? :)
:eek: There should be an option for shoot the boyfriend, wife and take the mistress and the scotch to hawaii:banana::banana:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.
:cool: Exactly, you never let the lover near your main domain; keep them on neutral territory (as expensive as that may be)...Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill:bawling:
several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.
the filed of 32 is set-when do they begin play?
Just leave us the shed and we're happy:thumbs_up.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic