LP, Thank goodness you're back. :banana: (The vacuum cleaner is where you left it.)Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
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LP, Thank goodness you're back. :banana: (The vacuum cleaner is where you left it.)Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
Thank you for the kind words Athiest. Just wait until I learn to multiquote. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Where were you, did you get lost Princess? Navigating your way round these endless shopping trips can cause amnesia and disorientation. Welcome back. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
My old university professor had a sudden stroke and sadly passed away a couple of minutes after he learned I had got a degree. According to reliable witnesses the last words he muttered, with a look of abject terror on his face were: ' God help Academia if that moronic Scots git is let loose on genteel society ' What he meant by this, no one is certain. My own interpretation, for what it is worth is, it was the last ramblings of an old man who had obviously suffered some sort of traumatic experience. For some unknown reason I was turned away from his funeral. :)
:lol:
As good a translation as any!
And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought! :)
What part of the world is Mr. Jocky from? He's rather fluent to pass off as an English gentleman!:) And yes, I'll have the booze ready and the cleaning done gents...:)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
LOL! And I see how useful it has been since my absence! :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
I got lost amongst papers, homework, and reports. ;) But it has the same effect, i assure you. :D And I'm very pleased to meet you sir!:)Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
working class ghosts are too busy cleaning boots and mucking out ghostly stables to go-a-haunting.
But why, when horses and large red eyed hounds get an afterlife, are there no ghostly midges or tape worms or bacteria? Imagine being haunted by scrofula.
Art imitating life.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
You've heard of the ghost of Anne Boleyn, but have you ever heard of the ghost of Dorothy Smith of Cromer? Ghosts are sexy.
You just don't find working-class ghosts.
I think it's all a divine plot - even in death the poor folk get all the chores while the rich bastards have all the fun.
Oh no!Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
You've committed the cardinal sin of calling jocky English.
He's Scottish!
Parker had a devil of a time figuring out which way the hose went in.Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
LOL! I faintly recall ajoke concerning the Scots, the English, and snakes... :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Do tell!Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
LostPrincess, your literary skills are peerless, with just two words you have managed to unhinge me. All is forgiven though, anyone capable of cleaning up this thread has my undying admiration. As for the Scotsman, Englishman and snake story, its not the one about the kick in the bollocks is it? :DQuote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
Prendrelemick, you are unsurpassable in the art of deep philosophical thinking. Jocky has been haunted for many years now by my wife, unfortunately she is still alive. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
[QUOTE=The Atheist;763828]
Ghosts are sexy.
Clearly Athiest, you have never had a spectral encounter with my great, great grannie Agnes. Just looking at her portrait is enough to turn your veins to ice and make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. We tried to have her exorcised but finding a brave enough priest proved impossible. Dorothy Smith of Cromer, now that defenitely rings a bell. :)
Niamh if its the one I am thinking about, you really do not want to hear it. It involves hens, eggs, neighbourly tragedies and male genitals, need I go on! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Niamh
Which two words do you mean Jocky, English Gentleman or booze ready?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Is that the story involving the sporran and the trouser snake?
So many questions.
Oh no Prendrelemick, I am not falling for your devious Yorkshire ways. I tell the joke and Serious Cat bans me for life. Google The Scotsman, the Englishman and the Snake. Hit the top heading titled Sept 27 1997 and go to the gag titled Poultry Passions. I guarantee it will bring a tear to your eyes. :)
I am almost positive I have posted the joke you refer to previously in the joke thread without running afoul of serious cat.
Ahh but kilted that was in the days before serious cat moved into the spotlight wasnt it?
Kilted dont you think sleekit is a good Scottish term? Mmmm three minutes, I smell private messages. ;)
If jocky wont tell, you should! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by kilted exile
hehehe
Or just tell me later.
Just in case anyone misses the News thread where I also posted this, here's one to make you smile!
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news...ectid=10592004
Ah yes, proof of womanhood test, very complicated. I think it involves fitting the hose onto a hoover whilst running a duster over the wainscoting.
Have you seen "her"?
Check this out. 100% of 3 kids reckoned it was a boy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bqET22vEU
My vote goes to male pseudohermaphrodite.
I love early mornings.
It's the only benefit I ever saw to farming - getting up before the rest of the world and enjoying the peace & quiet, the birdsong, the cool air.
An amazing spring morning here.
Am I missing something here? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Niamh
[QUOTE=prendrelemick;762364]sorry Nightshade, it would take a long time, and I have to prepare to go into hiding, if we lose at the oval.:(
Jocky may have miscalculated a tad on this one, now I may go missing for a wee while, however I have had the good sense to put a hundred quid on England to beat the " filthy Aussie sheep stealers " after checking the weather forecast from now till Monday. :rolleyes:
Athiest that takes me right back to my bird watching days. I was one of the few twitchers to see the Methusalem bird, it flew in ever decreasing circles till it disappeared up its own rectum. A sight to behold. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
This may be a wee bit controversial, but what do us men look for in a woman? Hello darling I have just finished a twelve hour shift, Oh! your glass is empty, I will just top it up for you, wait I need to light your cigar. If you just hold on a second I will just put on my see though nightie after I have bedded the children and cleaned the house. Then I will make love to you like an animal, before I have to get up in the morning. Sounds good to me! :)
Hope you boys don’t mind an interloper wedgin his way in here but my throat is parched down here in Texas. Beggars can’t be choosers, but if you happen to have some Lone Star Beer, I’d sure love to soak my gizzard with a case or two. Yes it’s rot gut, but we don’t care much for taste down here cause there’s nothing left to taste with. Our buds have been fried on jalapenos and baked every summer in a Texas oven. Hell we’ll settle with castor oil and rubbing alcohol.
Well boys, it’s time I best be movin on. I got me a pair of Allison’s to straddle (engines that is) I suggest you turn up the volume!! – enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhORZ...eature=related
Gilliatt
And your point is? Dont come the jalapenos with us, a mature civilisation with centuries of history behind us and Jaffa Cakes. And I saw that film with Kris Krisstoferson " Freedoms just another word for nothing left, nothing left to lose" Just a little point are you cowboys as hard as Ben Stiller?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Hello everyone! I've been trying to find the joke but I couldn't find it. :( I think it goes something like why the Scottish don't have snakes in Scotland. The Scot replied, "We do! We have the English!". LOL!
Thank you for the compliment Mr. Jocky, you're too kind. ;)
:lol: Well I gather something momentus happened , we were stuck in traffic listening to Radio 2 when they inturrpeed the traffic report ( THEY NEVER DO THAT!!) To shout about it :banana: play some music and miraculously my mum was suddenly no longer as annoyed with the traffic jam.Quote:
Originally Posted by jockyJocky may have miscalculated a tad on this one, now I may go missing for a wee while, however I have had the good sense to put a hundred quid on England to beat the " filthy Aussie sheep stealers " after checking the weather forecast from now till Monday. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
But what was it that happened? THAT is what I need to know!
:D Its complicated, But probably due to an accident on the M60 causing a traffic snarl-up throughout the greater Manchester area.;)
The one aspect of cricket we easily out perform the Aussies at, is the mid-order collapse! Watch this space:rolleyes:
What’s the point?! Good god man! I’m talking about the smell of 100 octane in the morning, firing up a few thousand horsepower, or kW if you blokes prefer, with a bottle of Wild Turkey in your lap. This is the “blokes” escape thread isn’t it? Or was that an insinuation that us dude’s here on the other side of the pond need not apply? Perhaps you would feel more at home with the sound of a Rolls Royce Merlin. Either way, I believe we can share in some common ground here; the sound of power amplified by the ale in your veins and the prop wash in your face.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
In regards to Stiller, I refuse to comment on the power of the man’s circulatory system, we’ll leave that to the ET’s, Oprah’s and other myriad of trashy entertainment talk shows.
And what’s this talk about crickets, wouldn’t that be more appropriate in a entomology thread?
Gilliatt
Me, usually.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Not only missed that, but the tail wagged pretty hard.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
In an all-or-nothing match, England seem to hold most of the cards!
Nah, it's just ritual transatlantic bagging.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
We won't tell you what new English members have to put up with, but if you've ever been to a English Public School, you'd have some idea.
;)
In jocky's case, it's more likely to be the sound of a 50CC Vespa.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Ever seen a man on a motorbike wearing a kilt?
'Nuff said....
Cricket is a game for gentleman.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
And Australians.
Gilliatt,we are neighbours separated by a common language.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
and theres no way I would ever put a wild turkey on my lap
Not sure how fast that Vespa will do, but in order to avoid a spectacle on your M60, let’s hope Jocky is wearing some breeches under that Kilt. Come to think of it, perhaps that’s what caused your traffic snarl up.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Now imagine the following in the voice of Slim Pickens – You know the guy; Dr. Strangelove, Blazing Saddles, etc :
I took a look at this gentlemen’s game and I gotta say, you fellas sure go to uh lotta trouble knocking off a few crickets on the lawn. Those whacker sticks must create a bloody mess and how do you keep em corralled on that Pitch area? Why, we jus round them critters up an feed em to our pet horned toads and iguanas. Some folks ul drop one or two into their Wild Turkey, kinda like the worm in the Tequila yuh know.
Maybe Jerry Jeff Walker and Gary Nunn can bring us a little closer together:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4Ppc3jz3GE
Gilliatt
Drinks on me today gents!
http://uploadlibrary.com/guesthousewest/champagne.jpg
Ah, I see you've opened the good stuff LP.
but lets wait till close of play today.:thumbs_up
Are them theer lads what thi calls "gud ole boys"then?:confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Here's the british equivilent .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zwwq...eature=related
Close of play sir?Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Its a polite Cricketing term
I should have put:- Lets save it for when we 've stuffed the Aussies.
To explain in terms you are famililar with, The Austrailians have been knocked down twice, given a standing count, but are still hanging in there. England have to find the killer punch to finish them off.
Oh I see! But i meant it for an entirely different occasion... ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Gratefully accepted. What's the occasion?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostPrincess13
Gentlemen, I believe the dear lady is trying to say it his her birthday, that is, if I am understanding my Forums birthday list at the bottom of the home page correctly.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Assuming that is the case, then happy birthday LostPrincess !!!
the next round of Wurzels Cider is on me,
Gilliatt
Ah, the front door, never use it myself - good spot!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
And happy birthday Princess!
Perfect timing to have a birthday, all of Britain, the British Commonwealth and any other country which knows where AUstralia is partying along with you.
We may not see pren for a week or two after this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Thank you sirs! 'Tis a pleasure to have spent the day with you!:) And yey me! The UK celebrated with me! LOL!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Ah that was sooo good.
I can't remember enjoying anyones birthday as much as Princess's.
WE're still laughing at Ricky-the-run-out-Ponting's dissmissal.:lol:
By the way, now she's turned 18, Parker will have to pay her for all she does round here.