Alrightie, that makes it the 20th! I want to thank everybody who turned in their poems! Tomorrow I'll announce the winner, and throw some feedback around.
Cheers =)
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Alrightie, that makes it the 20th! I want to thank everybody who turned in their poems! Tomorrow I'll announce the winner, and throw some feedback around.
Cheers =)
the old man
the glasses and the tan
ages never stand
the experience of time
but what it does
is show emotions
to slow
growing is blow
taken with a bow.
sorry if this is late but I thought I post it anyway!!!
I've come a long way with my feedback and winner, but I'd want to write proper feedback, so I'll have it up by tomorrow. That way I am sure I wrote something proper, in stead of something half-arshed. I like the poems a lot, and I want to give back equally good feedback. =)
I'll include your entry as well, Cacian!
Awrightie! Here we go. Bare with me if you think the feedback, or.. well.. My opinion, is complete bollocks, this is the first time I really state my opinion on several poems. I tried to capture how the poems made me feel, and what I liked about them.. If any of you wish any more thoughts on the poem, do not feel shy about asking me why I thought certain things, or whatever-the-hippo.
Here we go!
Daracv
Dara, I liked the way your poem spoke to me. The thought behind it, or at least the thought that I got behind it, I found to be a very interesting one. It was interesting, and and calm, peaceful read at the same time. Maybe I’d have liked it to be a bit longer, because I was really enjoying your tone and thoughts. I especially liked Coming-of-age feeling it gave me. =)
Yesno
Yesno, your poem came across as strong and compact. I thought it was original, and the rhyme was entertaining and somehow captured the picture well. Especially the last line, I thought, was very strong. The rhyme and alliteration that popped up stood very strong, as well. Well done =)
Mazhur
Mazhur, your poem I thought was a very strong, as well. It conjured up a great monologue in my head, a man wondering where time went. It fits the picture well, but also the feeling that the picture radiates. The words were well-chosen, and I liked the way it sounded. The chain-of-thought that seems to go throughout the poem I really appreciated. The comparisons were wonderful and well-chosen. I am also a particular fan of longer-ish poems, so I liked it a lot! Woop-woop!
Pendragon
Pendragon, I really liked your poem as well. I liked the choice of words, they complemented each other in a lovely manner and they made the sentences flow well. Some sentences seemed very strong to me. It had a nice, melancholic ring to it that I think fits the picture well. I also liked the sort of hopeful feeling you get near the end.
Prendrelemick
Prendrelemick, Your poem I thought had a nice refreshing tone. It wasn’t very melancholic, it sounded like a fond memory to me, that turned slightly bitter. The sentences flew with a nice grace, and the melody was very strong. The meaning behind the sentences, and the abtsract thoughts that they conjured up in me, I really, really liked. All in all, it sounded lovely, and the thoughts behind it I appreciated a lot, too.
I also thought that the length of the poem was perfect for the message and the tone.
Evo
Evo, I really, really liked your poem too. Ti was incredibly melancholic, and I really liked the tone in which you put that melancholy. It sounded hopeless, and sad, and it was very touching the way you conjured up those feelings. I really like the rhyming that is present, and found the words in italics really.. captured something. It was very nice. I also like the length of the poem, it seemed perfect for what it was trying to convey.
It seemed sort of refreshing to me, which I liked a lot as well.
Cacian
Cacian, a nice poem, as well. =)
I like how your poem took me several reads to fully appreciate. It’s concise, not too short, but strong in its size. I like the last two lines, which sound very dignified. Not melancholic, but simply.. Yeah, dignified. I liked it.
Well, now it's my burden to pick one poem out of all these lovely ones, which utterly sucks. They were all very nice, and I'd like to voice my appreciation over everybody that sent one in.
The winner iiiiizzzz..
Evo.
it was a very close shot between Evo and Predrelemick, both of whose poems spoke to me strongly in both form and message. Evo's poem had its own, strong, personality that spoke to me, which made it seem rather special to me. It seemed fresh, calm, and held that sad, melancholic vibe I was kind of lusting for when I posted this poem. =)
Once again, thanks to one and all for posting their poems! This was a blast!
Ta-ta!
Prose before bros
Congrats Evo!
Rowan thanks and Evo congratulations!!!
Ow, waking up to good news! Thanks Rowan!
I must say that this was the most difficult poem to write for me 'till now, trying to come up with parallel sounding words (astounds him, drowns him, surround him, etc.) and making every line 8 syllables long (aside from near the end where it's cut short because everything vanishes).
Without further ado, let me post the next picture quickly, as I won't have time later on in the weekend:
http://www.vibe.com/sites/vibe.com/f...wake-me-up.jpg
Deadline shall be Saturday in two weeks, the 7th of December if I'm not mistaken.
Good luck everybody!
- Evo
Evo may I ask how you downloaded this picture?
nice by the way :)
How I uploaded it? Uuh well when I found it I opened the picture in a separate tab, created the post and clicked on "Insert Image" and put the URL in there while unchecking the box below it (forgot what it said but it would make some weird attachment out of it). Why do you ask? :o
Those Italics are great Evo - very effective. CongratulationsQuote:
Originally Posted by EvoWarrior5
Before the traffic on the bridge
He rides his horse. They face the sun
That's rising through the windows, trees,
And beauty is all that he sees
Though poverty's been overdone.
oh thanks I ask because I never seem to be able to download any pictures for some reason.:)Quote:
Originally Posted by EvoWarrior5
Horse riding
Going down hill,
The sound of Polly's hooves
always play the same tune;-
Di-dum di-dum di-dum di-dar
Some-day I'll-wish up-on a-star,
That,s from the Wizard of Oz,
the clippy cloppy bit,
Of Over the Rainbow,
Then I get to thinking about Dorothy
And Kansas, the Iron man.
The lion the witch - and wardrobes
At Ikea, with Mrs P,
Then sometimes her back foot slips on the stones
Kkerrach- dum- dum!
Ahh that's from the Nut Cracker
I think, and I think
I bet Tchaikovski was a horse rider,
And rode down hill over stones like these
Only Russian stones, at Nadezhda's estate.
Died of cholera,
Those Munchkins eh!
Follatheyellabrickroad.
Or was it Umpalumpa?
When we trot its like the clock
from Dark Side of The Moon,
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock....
-No it was munchkins-
In my day
Everybody had Dark Side of The Moon,
With the prism and the rainbow,
On the cover, in my day,
Records smelt shiney and plastic,
(Is nut cracker two words?)
You'd buy it, take it out and look at the pattern of the grooves,
Why? Before you got it home. Why?
The pattern of the grooves-the patter of the hooves,
Both can carry tunes,
Ha! That's good, Polly's phonics!
I'll try and remember that!
And time passes and thoughts pass and miles pass,
And before you know it,
There's the Emerald city.
I love this site, it is a joy to hear new and creative expressions of rythme and meter. Your poem exemplified this EvoWarrior5 . Congrats!
thanks Rowan for the feedback too.
So here is my submission, I have to admit I recognized the name musician Avicci from the image file and watched the music video, so here it is good music inspired:
Crossing Bridges
Waking prepared,
before the dawn
I find myself gone searching.
For a future,
with a past far gone
by a bridge's favorable crossing.
To the sunrise I heave a sigh,
within my sights a city.
Be that where my destiny lie?
I’m carried on without pity.
My companion’s hooves prove
stronger than my heart
For my feet will often walk
in misdirection.
Crossing the bridge
with a dis-mountable start,
my passage
is ejected.
Now I must make
the decision on my own
by the strength
of my own conviction.
To the city,
fate unknown,
or back,
towards home,
my absence yet gone detected.
Lone Survivor
The end descended in a hush of grey,
disquieting silence falls with a setting sun,
as ghosts the buildings which once stood
for vibrancy and life now stand still,
and only memories are left to haunt the streets,
a whisper of a former world, a mockery of the past,
while amid the ruins of former grandeur,
luxuries once so depended upon,
the lone survivor must revert to the days of yore,
rediscovering the primal which laid dormant
within for so long, now approaching the remnants
of a dead world within the mist of a solitude
broken only by the rhythm of hoof beats,
like heartbeats, it is the only thing
which reminds the lone rider that he is alive,
and not yet another phantom, a drifting shade,
an imprinted memory.
How Far to Camelot?
From Avalon he rode across the bridge above the Thames
But around him the mist arose, the buildings were so strange
He thought himself sorely bewitched, touched by a curse
As carriages flew swiftly by without a sign of any horse
He cringed as a machine ripped through the sky, his heart began to quake
He prayed aloud "Oh, Jesu save me from this dark and dreadful place!"
Then the mists burned away and he saw again the familiar road once more
He vowed he would turn monastery monk, a be a Knight no more
Yet in his cell in robe of brown, copying books by candlelight
He wondered still about the vision he had seen that night...
Pendragon (C) December 2, 2013
Bump.
Just a reminder that the deadline is tomorrow. If you have unfinished poems or have not posted yours yet, do it before it's too late!
Life is not like a path with a beginning and an end
We cannot say that one end is dark and the other light
It is more like a cobweb that warped around us to be woe to foe and friend
It captures people in its sticky succulence, but not me.
We’re not sure if we’re spider or fly, but not me.
We’ve been given the map and we can see the mountains moan
but we don’t know the route and if we did we wouldn’t walk it
Every rose has its ruthless thorns, but I think that this rose is not red of petal but of blood
It’s a dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat-eat-eat world where there is no menu card
But everything is on it.
We have a big chief who looks down or up at us, Theology is rubbing its chin
But he or she or it took a decade off, see the seas and sunbathe
Despite it being the busy season
Despite the *****y heathens
He’s taking selfies on a foldable chair that creaks when he sees the daemons
the sand’s too soft for castles.
Suddenly, we’re the new Sodom
And we make fun of Gomorra
Naturally, there is artists and actors and poets and writers
but you have to be at least this tall to be that cool, and that is not this.
Like a car we’re all strapped in, with helmets and instruction videos
but we’re driving down a ravine
we can see clouds pass us by
We’re pathetically apathetic
We’re frightened of large opinions and of many comma’s crowding a sentence.
They’re a firing squad. A fruit salad of apples.
But our snakes tell us no and we nod
We’re the whatevers and the I-don’t-knows
The who-cares’ and I don’ts
Won’ts
Couldn’ts
We should scream until our lungs come out to add to the choir
I want the freedom to give you a boner, a monument to the possibility of thought
until our hearts stop beating so that we may better be heard.
Your hands will chisel the truth out of its rock and make castles
but he sand’s too soft for castles.
- Roo
man on horse
chevalier gaulles
rides out to the
soul
of a morning fall
skyies ahead
loom
a break in the moon
sunshine will soon
bring back
the doom
to a position of noon.
clear ahead is tuned.
Hello everybody!
First off I would like to thank those who commented on my previous poem. I usually do not like to "disrupt" the flow of poems in the contest threads, so sorry for not responding to you until now!
Then, the current contest. Very good entries, as usual. Enjoyable reads. But you will see all about what I liked (or what I thought could have been done better) in the feedback:
YesNo:
Very catchy, as always. The past week or so there were just moments in which I suddenly got the second line in my head and I could hear myself think “He rides his horse. They face the sun”. Very powerful. I also like the rhyme scheme in this, although the first line doesn’t really fit in with the rest, but that is not a bad thing because it may stand alone in its meaning. Well done!
Prendrelemick:
Very hectic but effective poem. I like the interpretation that the ride is bumpy and chaotic, rather than calm. Also well done on all the references, although I must say I probably do not understand quite a few because I don’t know everything you referred to. Overall good job!
Dara.cv:
Overall an enjoyable read, you conveyed the message of a journey well. The meaning is sometimes slightly confusing, as I was a bit baffled by the line “I carry on without pity” whereas later on you say you are hesitating. Then I read over it again and realised that at first you started your journey with more confidence, but later on you hesitate and wonder if you shouldn’t go back now that you still can. I like this meaning very much, but I think it could have been made just a bit clearer in the poem.
Also yes, the picture is from a music video. This was not intentional on my part though xD
Dark Muse:
Very eerie! Another great interpretation of the picture, this time conveyed in a post-apocalyptic poem. I feel like there is so much to say, while at the same time there is so little to say. Very good use of language, great read, nearly flawless. Captivating from start to end. I also like how the entire poem is only 1 sentence. In the third line, did you mean “and ghosts of the buildings which once stood”?
Pendragon:
Well, wow. The poem seems to be about a knight in the middle ages who suddenly sees a flash of the future with cars and a plane above him.. I wonder if you actually meant that. I like the read, and – once again – the interpretation. I think I would have liked it a bit better if it had followed the metre in the first line, that would have made it more easy and catchy to read. I saw potential for an iambic heptameter in there, most of the lines follow or nearly follow it.
Rowan:
Rowan, hello! Did you know that ‘selfie’ is the word of the year in the UK right now, or did you just happen to use it haha? Anyways, on to your poem: I think I should get right to the point and say that it did not have the vibes of your previous one, in a sense that this one does not relate to the picture as much. You started off well, but then you derailed more and more as you progressed. This could signify the derailing of the road or the person of the road, but I think that in this case, because the language did not seem to relate to the picture so much, it did not do that. Forgive me for comparing poems again (I usually hate doing that), but in prendrelemick’s poem for example, he also derailed but he kept coming back to the original line / meaning, which made it so that the derailing was still confined to the picture. The derailing and the rambling in the poem also made it quite difficult to get through and it is very easy to lose it at some point.
Aside from that, some good use of language in there as you always have. A few good lines stand out which either sound cool (“pathetically apathetic”), sound very pretty and poetic (“the sand’s too soft for castles”), or your usual outrageous lines which I keep on enjoy reading (freedom giving you a boner, everybody but you being stuck and unsure, etc.).
Cacian:
Cacian, good read. Your usual style, and I like how you put some dark lines in there, yet you make them sound… insignificant? funny? Not sure how to word myself. For example:
a break in the moon
sunshine will soon
bring back
the doom
The word “doom” does not sound the least bit dark because of the casual way you present it and hop around through lines as if nothing is going on. I like that. When you see through the lines one may see the darker meaning behind it. Well done!
Alright, then the winner... I liked all of your reads, but only one can pick the next picture. I found the best poem to be Dark Muse's. Great interpretation and also a very good use of language. When I saw you win a few contests without really reading the poems in the contests, I was kind of wondering what made you / your poems so good. Now I see! ;)
Thank you all who entered again, it's been great.
- Evo
Congrats, Dark Muse!
And Evo, yes, I really meant it!
Thank you very much, I will get the next pick up soon.
Ok here is the next image
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/73...6f8e6038f2.jpg
Deadline Dec 20th
Evo thank you very much for the lengthy feedback.
Dark Muse that is a nice picture indeed :)
The castle walls on Griegson Ferry Isle
Are thick with stone with windows very thin
To let the rushing sea-borne breezes in
Relieving pressure on the heavy wall
And giving those well-privileged in the hall
A glimpse of an old tree still standing, dead,
With water flooded roots and leafless head.
Some claim that they are captives. Others smile
As if they knew the secret of this place,
If there be any secrets they must face,
But they are as deluded as the rest.
Yet others claim this is a kind of test
That they could pass if only they'd break free,
Slide through the window into liberty,
But most must wait while days pass single file.
I loved the eery post-apocalyptic feel of your submission. It's eloquence deepened its lonely despair. It was a worthy win, congrats!
You seem to have a draw towards the darker aspects of life with this picture, so I'll have my go.
I tried to contain it,
but that wild sparrow would never settle.
Only it's migration was predictable,
though, from where it came
or when it would return was unknowable.
Sometimes it would find me and flit its wings over my vision
in a blinding frenzy,
then disappear in that same instant.
Other times it would linger
perching upon my shoulder in silence
until it became weightless.
Until, I didn't recall it was there at all.
Other times it would sing it's scratchy tune
to anyone who would listen,
causing them to cover their ears and hearts and walk away.
It became a familiar companion
of which it’s arrival or leave became natural,
to the point of being unnoticed by me.
Even here it finds me.
Fluttering in,
landing within my coupled hands,
causing them to shake with panic.
Though I want to stifle it,
instead, I find myself only able to enfold it
clasped within my palms
until it retreats to sleep.
Sometimes it soars in without warning
scratching at my face,
clawing at my sides,
pecking at my ears
while Im hunched over
it lets out a shrill shriek
of absolute hatred against itself.
No use looking out the window.
You can't see the sparrow coming.
Besides, the barren tree calls to it
reminiscent
of that first sparrow
of rage,
which caged me here.
Thank you, and yes, it is true I do. glad to have you join in on this one.Quote:
Originally Posted by dara.cv
Hanging Tree, Salem, Massachusetts
Framed by stone the lone tree shudders
In the frigid winds that scream around it
A solitary tree cursed by the fact
That hanging took place from its branches
But the view from the jail at Salem
Was the last many an accused witch had
Before riding bound in a cart
And brutally slaughtered by the voice of innocents
Accusing good women of dreadful things
Or were the children just pawns in a scheme
To enrich their fathers by taking land
By hanging the owners for witchcraft?
Salem still bleeds from the injustice...
(C) Pendragon December 13, 2013
Thanks Muse!
I have to admire your post Pendragon, The first few lines it was reading to me as if a woman was awaiting her fate on that same hanging tree. Then it turns into almost a tour of some historical jail on which a tourist was reflecting. Either way, it is befitting, so sad and cruel Salem's stain on history.
Are we allowed to comment on other's posts in the contests?
I think you may comment when ever you like dara,cv
Life is not like it may usually seems to be
Look at it through the hollow of the stony gorge
Life stands alone like an abandoned withered tree
No birds anymore to chirp or sing a song
No shadow for a traveler to rest and refresh beneath
Nothing that which spring had brought for long.
Only a small footprint left to sorrow for the while
You never know when this last mark will vanish too
Aqueous sadness and still bereft of its blessed smile.
Mystery of Life changes faces with passing time
What was once blooming spring deadly autumn turns
Music that Life was loses its melodious chime.
Can anyone tell me how to post a poem with a large gap in the middle of each line. It won't let me do it.
If I remember correctly if you highlight your poem and then at the top of the text box click on the thing that looks like <> called Wrap Text, it should keep the spaces of your poem when you post it.
Thanks DM. The font is a bit odd but it worked
Caradog = CaracticusHTML Code:Welsh Heritage
60 AD.
Listen! When Caradog celtic hero
Born of battle the Eagle's bane
From the mainland crossed the Menai
Pursued by Legions closely pressed
The Ordivices honour's mirror
Showed the hero secret groves
Swore friendship fast binded
Beneath the oak Hen Goaeden
The mother tree. of the people.
Came the Romans ravening through
On the rampage revenge hearted
Disdaining druid rites and runes
Splitting boughs bole and branches
Boiling messes with sacred fuel
For seven days the Ravens watched
From Clogwyn Coch on Craiglwyn's flank
Then descended to desolation
There they gathered the nine acorns
A last gift given by Hen Goaeden
O'er the sky-way wide they winged them
Seeding them in secret hallows
A boon to the land wherever they grew.
1300 AD
By Order of the king who everyone feared,
The Baumaris forest had to be cleared,
Young Dafydd-the-Axe was a woodcutter's son ,
He may not've liked it, but it had to be done.
For a Castle's no good with trees by its side,
There's too many places for foes to hide,
And a clear field of flight for arrows to fly,
Can't be achieved with a forest close by.
With a heart feeling heavy he entered the wood,
And by a great oak he mournfully stood,
This tree he knew well as his fore-fathers had ,
Under its branches he'd played as a lad.
Above in the sky the Ravens were wheeling,
And o'er Craiglwyn, thunder was pealing,
He took up his axe and got ready to swing,
But stopped and knelt down as storm clouds moved in.
A prayer and a curse welled up in his head,
The curse, that the king should be cut down instead,
That rulers hereafter would cherish the trees,
Prayed Dafydd-the-Axe down on his knees.
There was a flash and a crash as lightening struck down,
The old tree was rent from the root to the crown,
Young Dafydd lay still, 'till looking around,
He saw a small shoot breaking the ground..
He took it away to a place that he knew,
Where it was safe from the tree felling crew.
And there it grew cherished by Kings and by folk
And there ever after 'twas was called Dafydd's oak.
2013 AD
“As you pass,
Have a look through the arrow slit on your left.
The tree you see there was planted in 1838,
To commemorate the Coronation of Queen Victoria.
It was grown from an acorn
Taken from “Davy's Oak” a famous ancient tree,
That used to stand close by and was said to have dated back
To the time the Castle was built.
Now, proceed along the passage through the door at the end,
Then press number 8 on your Auto-Guide handset.”
Ordivices = Iron age tribe of Anglesey
Clogwyn Coch = Red Cliff
Craiglwyn, = A Welsh Mountain
a window into the wilderness
looks out
a lake sufficiently grand
calms water surrounds icy as the sound
piercing through the clouds
and a tree free standing
autumnal scene
of an early morning dream
peaceful
as the mound enticing the
hound
nature sigh
let the dream flow slow
to an end of time
sheer is row
No entry from me this time. Pretty short deadline, and I wasn't feeling it as much with this picture. Nothing wrong with it though, that's not what I mean ^^
Good luck everyone, I see some wonderful poems!
Elegy to the Lord's Architect
Castle stones were hewn with care
Joints as thin as a maiden's hair.
Well proportioned slots for high strung missiles
Precisely aligned with the gardner's sentinels.
(He was inspired by Versailles' ordered shrubbery)
The architect acquiesced to the gardner's blubbery.
It came to pass, the Lord's home was under siege
The castle fell and so did its liege.
The Knights fought bravely to the end
Across the moat their darts they did send.
But alas they missed their intended mark
Sinking deep instead into the Royal bark.
Darkmuse - this is late. If you already made a decision, then no worries.
Please DM, hurry up and judge so I can stop tinkering.
This was a tough one, a lot of great entrees here.
YesNo: This poem painted a very vivid picture in my mind. I liked the way it seemed to take me back through time, as well I liked the idea of those of the privileged class being portrayed almost as if they were prisoners. There were times in which I almost wondered if indeed they were in a dungeon looking through the narrow window at taunting freedom that cannot be obtained.
dara.cv: I really liked your original perception of the picture. I thought your poem had a great concept and there were some wonderful words, and imagery. I loved the metaphorical symbol of the sparrow and the melancholy feel of the poem.
Pendragon: I really enjoyed the bleak atmosphere of the poem. I think it really captured the fear and sorrow of the time. I could vividly see the image of the people of the town looking at the tree through their windows, wondering if and when they might be next. Quite ominous.
mazHur: This is a beautiful poem which I believe captures the changing of the seasons. It painted a very vivid picture and really captured a feeling of sorrow, despair, and the bleakness of winter quite well.
cacian: A very lovely, and serene picture of nature. I thought this poem was very elegantly written and quite picturesque. I enjoyed the very calming feel it gave.
Gilliatt Gurgle: I enjoyed the images of the past which this poem conjured up, and I liked the playfulness of it. The end made me chuckle. I liked the idea of the role the tree had come to unintentionally play within the battle.
And the winner is.....
prendrelemick: I really enjoyed the historical aspect of the poem, and the story that it told and I admired the experimental use of form. This poem had a very nostalgic feeling to it and I really enjoyed seeing the way in which the tree changed throughout time, from the ancient Celts to modern day.
Dark Muse thank you very much and prendrelemick a well deserved win congratulations!!!