Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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04-05-2011, 09:02 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago...
..."Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...

I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

You didn't ever knock about with the Kinks did you?

Great story and fitting song.

Did someone mention Adrienne and her attributes?

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...tpnOx1hNZZ4CdQ

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...lDIXm7AblWuQHg

.
04-06-2011, 04:00 AM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same

I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DocHeart

I mean, I've laid some good-looking women along the way, but there are more than a few occasions on which alcohol has - how does one put it - distorted my judgement.

I'm too scared to even try to recall a couple, but I remember one vividly. After the dozen or so pints, she was another Twiggy or Bardot and I built her up to my mates that I'd made this amazing catch at the pub on Saturday night.

We had planned a major outing to the lake for water skiing the next day, so I dutifully arrived in the minibus to pick her up, having primed the lads along the way to expect a goddess.

The laughs that started when the boys saw my face as I caught a look at her in daylight continued until after we'd got back on the bus.

Oh my word. The most embarrassed I've been in my life - it would have been mild if she'd only been a weightlifter!
04-06-2011, 05:44 AM
Big Dante

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.

I'm too scared to even try to recall a couple, but I remember one vividly. After the dozen or so pints, she was another Twiggy or Bardot and I built her up to my mates that I'd made this amazing catch at the pub on Saturday night.

We had planned a major outing to the lake for water skiing the next day, so I dutifully arrived in the minibus to pick her up, having primed the lads along the way to expect a goddess.

The laughs that started when the boys saw my face as I caught a look at her in daylight continued until after we'd got back on the bus.

Oh my word. The most embarrassed I've been in my life - it would have been mild if she'd only been a weightlifter!

:smilielol5: Haha some interesting stories here. At 16 all of these are still ahead of me :brow:
04-06-2011, 10:33 AM
Emil Miller

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Great story and fitting song.

Did someone mention Adrienne and her attributes?

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...tpnOx1hNZZ4CdQ

Adreienne's attributes do not weigh heavily in the balance compared to this lady. She appears to be having some difficulty doing sit-ups but it would be interesting to see her doing press-ups.

http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/6374/toobig.jpg
04-06-2011, 04:06 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I can see how dithering doesn't go with the avatar, but once I've made up my mind, i can still consider other options...

I like the cooler climate, but yes the colds do com frequently. But with hot weather comes the sweating and the rashes. We're neither geared up for hot weather with air con here, or cold weather with great insulating clothing. We're jacks of all weathers.

we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot

And Miami looks such a nice place on CSI. Even the criminals are tanned and muscular - and that's just the ladies.

You sound like you have sensitive skin like I do; a person pays a price for all these recessive genes:cryin:
What kills me with the Miami shows is that they take shots from 20 years ago and often, all over Florida. Some are taken in Orlando, some in the evergades, some on the west coast. I think most of our criminals are greasy, tatooed and overly thin from too much cocaine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........

We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.

Good times me lads...good times!

Gg

Nowadays, rolling in sewer piping might get you into toxic waste...

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.

Ah, the old days when a man could wear pink and no one called him a sissie:boxing_smiley:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emil Miller

Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

I think that may be the best one yet. They do say that working out will shrink the goodies...

Quote:

Originally Posted by DocHeart

Once, after trying the back door with a girl I don't remember, I went for a pee the next morning and noticed (with horror) two black dots on the tip of Mr. Mustang. Upon closer inspection, I discovered (with some relief) that they were watermellon pips.

I've always said mixing food and sex is a bad idea!

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrphanPip

The joke is that the girl was a watermelon.

Yeah, it did sound that way, didn't it:smilielol5:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

A few relics I sported in my prime:

Earth Shoes

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...kwHEimtDR3IUWw

Chukka Boots

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...Tsj9yDeX3uDxP6

Bell Bottom jeans

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...-wjKODte4oSffv

I remember modifying a pair by cutting the seams up to the knee and inserting a triangular piece of colorful fabric to increase the bell diameter at the foot. They were tough to run in especially when the pants became saturated with beer or rain.

Bell Bottom anthem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKAYGVIkbok

.

I wish they would make proper square toed shoes now; I was walking around in these little sandal heels the other day...haven't been able to walk since:mad5:
Did you ever try to bicycle in bell bottoms...

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

:lol:

You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!

Ah, but bell-bottoms had a huge advantage - which may not have been apparent to you.

To attend rugby games, one has to submit to searches of baggage and person to ensure no booze is carried into the ground.

Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!

Oh, so that was what they were for. Remember how long we used to wear them and they'd drag the ground.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

:lol:

My Afro hairstyle could could do the same.

I think Cher was the only Caucasian that ever managed to pull off an Afro..

Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?
04-06-2011, 07:06 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?

No, it isn't your imagination. Every time you're gone we do a big PM around to organise a party that you miss out on!

We feel you'd be a bad example to the younger women.

:party:
04-06-2011, 10:19 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

...Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?

It is nice to have you back!
Us curmudgeons were getting restless for some eye candy.

Something I heard on the news this morning.
"Historians to exhume remains of Mona Lisa"

http://www.news.com.au/technology/ar...-1226035106237

http://resources0.news.com.au/images...-mona-lisa.jpg

.
04-08-2011, 12:49 AM
prendrelemick

I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.

Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.
04-08-2011, 01:07 AM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...eist/funny.gif

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.

That's easy - just look where her eyes are. She's checking out the naked male model in the next studio.
04-08-2011, 01:54 AM
Paulclem

When I visited the Louvre a few years ago there was a crowd of people around the Mona Lisa, and you couldn't get near. I was disappointed until I noticed behind us that the Wedding Feast at Cana by Veronese was on the wall. We had it all to ourselves. In my opinion it's a much more impressive picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_at_Cana
04-08-2011, 07:49 AM
prendrelemick

I reckon her face is too big for her head.
04-08-2011, 02:08 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

No, it isn't your imagination. Every time you're gone we do a big PM around to organise a party that you miss out on!

We feel you'd be a bad example to the younger women.

:party:

:hand: I guess I'm going to have to start warning all the strippers on litnet before I leave...and maybe some women too:smilielol5:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

It is nice to have you back!
Us curmudgeons were getting restless for some eye candy.

.

Thank you Gilliatt, it's good to still be considered eye candy. I went to a party this week, someone took some pictures of me and it's done some real damage to my self esteem...I swear the chair I was sitting on disappeared when I was sitting on it:blush5:

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.

Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.

Wouldn't it be interesting if it was a missed brush stroke that caused all the excitement over the years. I was looking at one famous painter a while back and noticed that all of his women have 2 left legs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emil Miller

Here's another fit for the blokes.

A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts.......

Mum are you still awake!!!!

I love that one:smilielol5: Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?

[QUOTE=The Atheist;1022500]I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Dante

:smilielol5: Haha some interesting stories here. At 16 all of these are still ahead of me :brow:

Wow, Dante, here you are hanging out with these blokes and your mom is thinkng, "Such a nice boy; spending his time talking literature" :brow:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emil Miller

Adreienne's attributes do not weigh heavily in the balance compared to this lady. She appears to be having some difficulty doing sit-ups but it would be interesting to see her doing press-ups.

http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/6374/toobig.jpg

Is this for real? What does a person do with those?

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...eist/funny.gif

That's easy - just look where her eyes are. She's checking out the naked male model in the next studio.

Atheist, where did you find a site like this? I don't think we have anything like it in America:yikes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

When I visited the Louvre a few years ago there was a crowd of people around the Mona Lisa, and you couldn't get near. I was disappointed until I noticed behind us that the Wedding Feast at Cana by Veronese was on the wall. We had it all to ourselves. In my opinion it's a much more impressive picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_at_Cana

That is a spectacular painting! There always seems to be those few pics that everyone is blocking in the museums...very annoying.
04-08-2011, 03:00 PM
Emil Miller

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;1023111]:

I love that one:smilielol5: Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?
Well it beats buy one get one free in the supermarket.

Is this for real? What does a person do with those?

I could imagine a number of things most guys would do with them.
04-08-2011, 03:30 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emil Miller

Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?

It's an odd one; I know it's quite popular.

I also know a lot of men have a thing for their mother-in-law, which is genetically probable, I imagine. Heck, Sigmund Frood made a whole career out of that stuff.

Now twins....

(This thread's going to get into trouble if we keep this tack up!)
04-10-2011, 03:52 AM
prendrelemick

Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.