Excellent poem DM and fine judging qimi.
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Excellent poem DM and fine judging qimi.
congrats Dark Muse!
this is my favorite stanza
Quote:
We will be dancers
upon the rim of
canyons, we will
become leapers
into the air,
and trust upon
the wind to lift
us up.
Thank you!
Ok, I have the next image for you all!
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/20...by_Januine.jpg
Congratulations, Dark Muse! And thanks for a very evocative new pic too!
And qimissung, thanks for judging, and for your extremely kind comment!
:)
Thank you for comment Gimissung, well done Dark muse.
Cell
Dawn breaks, rising light of the day beginning.
Pour through cell bars.
Dark, lonely, cold curl up in corner.
Longing to be in warm light.
Warmth of light on my skin.
Wishing to be free to dance as I please.
Knowing that my faith is stay curl up in corner.
The great wall is powdered gold
By the tired sun, slowly rising,
Only to fall back upon his own weight.
The burden of light, sobriety, truth
We fear it
We cherish what it is not
A trickle of lingering night
Floats in the corner of my palace
It chils the air a dark blue
Streaks of surreal colors
Hiccup, laugh, and mourn their drunkenness
They sing a drowsy tune
Tall green forests and rolling fields
Licked azure and vermillion by
Young fauns and faeries
The sun light rushes in
Washing away the leftover
Colors of Dreams
The Gated Vault
The gated vault of lost childhood
Where I invited the devils to dance
In swept cobwebs.
Poor little Cinderella!
The demons have stolen her slipper.
Looking up through the grill
Away from the darkness
There is light,
Earth’s unobtainable freedom.
In the tyrannical darkness
Of solitary confinement
The shadows of down-cast light
Birth a silhouetted playmate
Bare footed, they dance to the demonic beat
Of London bridges falling down.
And the psychic power to create
Another slipper
And a real prince charming to rescue her from the dragon.
But observe there is no dragon in this fairy tale.
Although there is no hope
There is the power of the imagination
To survive and maintain sanity,
In Hell’s pit.
Wow so many great entries already.......and I will have a deadline posted up soon, but until then keep them coming.
I see with prisoner’s eyes
The bars,
The antipodes of freedom
They sing their own song
Of chaos banished,
And faith in lady justice,
Who though, trembles
When I am loosed upon the land.
While I, like any creeping creature,
Believe in the righteousness of my misdeeds,
The power of my terrible claws
To rend and tear at the gauzy net of safety
That people wrap around themselves
Ah, well
And now I’m left,
The receding waters of a flood, to contemplate the bars.
My belief in their existence matters not.
Their small, hard, unforgiving righteousness
Is mine
No matter where in this small cell I stand.
I see with eyes unfettered
The sun is breaking fast,
Or setting,
Or at rest.
Out in the world a stem is breaking,
And death is flying fast.
Somewhere I hear
The first breath,
And the last;
And the truth be told-
Or not- no matter.
Still, I hear your story,
However long and slowly told;
I hear the exhaust of a busy world that doesn’t stop;
And somewhere, just out of sight,
The earth creates its’ terrible, indifferent majesty;
And in the faint breeze blowing
I smell wet grass and the rain
Qimissung
This is a) marvelous poetry and b) a wonderful act of humanity!
I have debated what I should set the deadline for since I will be gone the first weak in August, thus being unable to judge at that time so instead of making you all just wait in suspense or forcing you to rush by setting the deadline in time for me to judge before leaving, I will give you all an extra week and set the deadline on the day of my return.
Deadline August 8
Thanks qim for your kind comments - and DM for a super winning entry (and apologies for such a tardy response - back on-line after a short 5-day break South of the border).
H
Welcome back and thank you!
What a great idea for a thread :D
Here's my attempt at writing something which rhymes...
Light
I used to live at night
With no eye for the day
"Pleasure lies in the shadows"
At any price I'd pay
All that is gone, by my own fault
I threw it all away
To live between these four walls
and wait for my decay
Night is no refuge anymore
just darkness, a nasty smell
I don't know whether time does pass
there are no signs which tell
"Light is hope" they say
"Keep looking at the stars"
But all the light I'll ever know
is behind those four bars.
I look out through the barred window
At the gently setting sun—
Knowing I’ll remain a prisoner
After all is said and done
These bars aren’t made of steel
The cell’s not cold concrete—
I’m imprisoned by my flesh and bone
And the secrets that I keep
A life sentence lasts for ever
Seems like it will never be gone
When the bars aren’t made of steel
And the cell’s not made of stone…
Pendragon
©July 17, 2010
tomorrow, i will laugh
when you
still see me in my cage
in the beginning
all was without form and void
and then all was bright
man never at ease
made laws of symbol and line
logic was his creed
man structured his light
safe behind his bars of thought
felt in darkness freed
penitentiary
the long slow deep
scratch marks
on the dilapidated wall
tell a story
on the ground
broken fingernails
lay as material witness
there’s no set schedule
for torture
the anticipation
is part of the torture
screams echo
in the empty cell
at times it’s only
in the head
outside
freedom awaits
in silence
there are
no visible scars
no feelings
nothing
it’s a different kind
of emptiness
so many times
I wake up not knowing
which side of the bars
I’m on
how exhilarating is the mere thought
of liberty and freedom;
through a small peep hole in the cell
I can see God's Kingdom.
Sunlight and moonlight
pour in equally through the bars
these signs of God bring me joy
and tend to heal my scars.
God created us all free
but man is enemy of man's freedom
man-made laws cover us all
what's sin for one is not crime for some.
Smilingly Steel bars of the cell
open the sky for my view
I find my vault inside a bigger vault
lost in the sea like a drop of dew. .
THE BLACKSMITH’S CURSE
What thoughts passed through the blacksmith’s mind
the day he wrought these rigid bars;
their geometry, the devil’s grin,
a sacrilege to sun and stars.
Could he imagine one night spent
behind that smile, the cell door slammed,
the wakening nightmare as the howls
of anguish rise from those he damned.
How will he face his anvil now,
his potter’s wheel, his weaver’s loom,
his calloused fingers prised from prayer
and forced to forge another’s doom.
H
It's mocking me, this light
promising something it cannot give
the darkness I know
pierced each day by pseudolight
fake for the lies it tells me
it promises me hope
that I do not possess
stuck here behind bars
parallel lines throwing shadows
on my pale eyes
I dream each night
that the light will disappear
that I won't wake
but my traitorous heart
keeps beating
my murderous eyes, seeing
my base soul, feeling
and the light shines on
while I in darkness lie
Here's mine:
It's Not
A lie
is a
prison.
Every iteration
An incarceration.
I build
mine all
myself.
The iron bars are strong
enough to cage the wrong.
"It is
okay"
I said.
I heave at the lie's edge
that smells like raw sewage.
But it
is not.
*delete*
Another near impossible contest to judge. I abolsutely loved to see the so many different ways people viewed this image. All of the poems were truly excellent and I greatly enjoyed reacing each of them, though I hated the task of having to choose a single winner.
Without further delay here it is:
zoolane: You did a wonderful job of capturing such strong and profound emotions in so few words. You truly created a vivid scene of dreariness and despair, and put the reader in the mind of the prisoner. A very moving poem.
jersea: I thought you had a rather interesting perspective in your poem. I really enjoyed the concept behind it, and the way in which you intermixed fairy tales and childhood rhymes within the poem. The end was quite chilling and I liked the way in which it shed a realistic light upon the idyllic fantasy of those stories by showing the truth that there is none to come and rescue you. I also loved the idea of ones escaping through their imagination.
qinissung: I do not know if I could say it better than Prince, this was indeed a truly excellent and human poem. It is a very provoking and moving piece which sheds a light of humanity upon the position of the imprisoned with some very vivid imagery which really brings it all into life. I thought the last line was particularly stunning and a superb ending to this poem.
Sapphire: Bravo to you in your quest to rhyme and I thought you did a very good job with it. I loved the idea of this poem and in spite of the despair of the subject, there was something almost playful about it. It reminds me of some Irish drinking songs. The rouge who has met his ill fate at last. I particularly loved the last verse.
Pendragon: Another excellent poem from you. You do know how to use every single word to ultimate effect. And you have created such a powerful impact compacted into this short verse. It was precise and to the point and it hit with a great force.
DanielBenoit: I loved the way in which you were able to put so much into so few lines. I quite enjoyed the bitter, cynic tone of this poem. It was a small poem which came with a lot of bite.
autolycus: I absolutely loved the concept of your poem, I thought it was fantastic. The poem itself was masterfully crafted. You did a marvelous job. Every word was used perfectly to the up most and greatest affect.
Haunted: You created such a chilling and haunting poem. I thought the use of the short lines within this poem worked quite well to further enhance the effect of the words. You captured such a desperation and isolation. The last verse was a perfect ending for the poem and really hit the message home.
mazHur: Loved your unique concept upon the poem. The way in which the prisoner seems to find some comfort in spite of his position. Also loved the rather provoking idea of the way in which men do impose laws upon one another which go against natural born freedom. I thought the last line was quite beautiful.
hillwalker: A stunning poem. I loved your approach to the subject, viewing it from the perspective of the actual maker of the prison. I thought you told the story in a very powerful way which actually gave it the feeling of old folktale or legend. I loved the way in which the tension of the regret of the weight of what he had done cane be felt.
AdoreroDio: You had some wonderful lines within this poem and I myself love playing with that concept of the idea of light often being seen as something which brings and offers hope. I liked the way you took that idea and turned it around, making the light the enemy to the one whom is denied it, and a constant taunt. I most particularly loved these last lines:
"my murderous eyes, seeing
my base soul, feeling
and the light shines on
while I in darkness lie"
The Comedian: I really liked the style and structure of your poem, and you always bring something so unique to the table. I admit that I am not sure I fully grasp the meaning of this poem, but I found it a rather interesting read.
But the winner is
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Alexander III: Among all of the excellent entries for this contest yours struck out at me the most. Your poem is masterfully crafted. I absolutely loved your use of language, the images you create and the concept of your poem. The final line really was the perfect way to end this poem and sold the rest of it, tying it all together in such a vivid and unique idea.
Congrats, Alexander. Your poem was so vivid I could almost see the painting on the wall. :)
Nice going there, Alex, a wonderful poem and deserving of the win! :thumbsup:
Yeh, well done Alex, particularly as there was so much competition for this one.
H
Great job Alex! :]
Well done Alex, :biggrin5::thumbsup:Thank you for comments Haunted on my poem.
Thank you darkmuse and everyone else, sorry it took me so long to respond, This contest had completely slipped my mind. I have the next picture ready.
http://www.wellesley.edu/activities/.../ballroom1.jpg
THE LADIES’ EXCUSE ME
You are my darling, sweetest girl,
A bud I’m longing to unfurl.
Such delicate décolletage,
In pink rose-petal camouflage.
Those blushing lips, those languid eyes…..
You look a trifle tranquilised;
These surgeon’s hands, my skill, my guile,
Rewarded by your touch, your smile
I can’t believe my future bride
Had skin resembling walrus hide;
To think these biceps once were scarred
With hearts and anchors by the yard
Your long, dark hair with silken sheen
Once shaven short, my ex-Marine,
A perfect Boticelli Venus
Now you’ve gone and lost that penis
Forget the funny looks and smirks
From all those narrow-minded jerks
We’ll soon be man and wife, my dear…..
Is that a rumba I can hear?
H :-)
*sigh* Hillwalker, after reading "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" compounded on your well worded poem and that chin... I'm gonna be stuck thinking post op transvestite the whole time I'm thinking about what to write. This is gonna be rough. Well played sir. Well played.
Great entry Hillwalker. it's not often I laugh out loud.
I didn't post in the last competition as my ideas didn't gel - the entries were great though. Well done Alex.
The standard is high again...:D
Fatale Seduction
Her beauty rivaled with the night
alive with the passion burning through
her hyacinth eyes.
A crimson rose, she defies
to be denied as her presence
filled the room leaving a wake
of lingering French perfume.
The epitome of debonair,
her laughter a sirens song,
and her charms cast a
hypnotic spell.
Secrets lived upon her smiles
which left you with a hunger
for a taste of what she knew.
And when she danced
her body moved as subtle
as a serpent with those
entrancing undulations.
It should have been as clear
as a Black Widow's hour glass,
but once she set you in her sight
there was no where left to run hide.
Memories, Once Over Lightly
We moved together
to the music of the soul
I thought you'd always be there
we could share growing old
But life has its ups and downs
The years fade memories into chance
I could have done without the heartache
But I still miss the dance
Pendragon
You are the reason I keep roses around
even after your perfume has left
its memory stained in the moon,
has left and taken the music along
off uptown, down on Broadmoor St.
to tour the Ritzier gentlemen.
I cannot afford you dear,
but I can afford roses.
Wow! What a flow, what spontaneousness!Quote:
Originally Posted by hillwalker
As I glide with you,
across the floor.
With red glow enchanted your slender body.
My hand try touches your radiance soul.
Your soul float round the floor,
Passioned grow burn within me.
Twist and turn as flame,
fall into my arms, lover's home.
Tonight, we'll dance.
Put on your red dress, my darling
and flowers in your hair.
The age of godesses is gone
but you will take me there.
This night.
Put on your dancing suit, my dear
with your pearly bow
You look so charming
Such broad shoulders
Cary me all night long.
Tonight, we will not smile
Together
as one
Black hair
red lips
fingers like claws
We'll dance our dance
as dance we shall
the music calls
the floor invites
Lets forget there is a dawn.
Hmm this one required much thought but I think enough time has passed and a winner must be appointed.
My top two favorites were :
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krymsonkyng and Dark Muse
The winner, who edged is
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*monkey in the back on a unicycle playign the flute*
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Dark Muse !!!