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Common sense would be, for me, to avoid making amalgams about different situations. Her boyfriend behaves badly with her, but that might have nothing to do with their age difference. But of course, once again, people had to find reasons to point this out, because love which is out of the norm has to be criticized. I'm not surprised. I'm just hopeless.Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
There is a difference between common sense and deluded sense, ultimate freedom leads to ultimate anarchy. As much as I love to see people be free of judgement or stigma's there is just a place where the ego of one suppresses the other in co-dependence or dominance, which ultimately takes away all freedom and leaves total control.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets America
My question is why do you link what I said with the idea of dominance? What she is experiencing with her boyfriend is her personal story, this should not be taken as a model for any relationships with an age difference. But of course people who are against what is different will jump on this example to take advantage of it.:rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by AimusSage
And who talked about ultimate freedom? I know it is very difficult to have ultimate freedom, but I don't see why someone could not have freedom when it only concerns this person's life. But that has already been discussed elsewhere....
Anyway, I'm not sure the original poster would like her thread to go towards that direction, so I will make the effort to shut up, for once. :)
Ah, you misunderstood, I am not against the age difference, although it might cause conflicts relating to the age difference, but that is on a case by case basis. I am against the (mental) dominance that she is subjected too. which you I am sure will agree with is a bad thing for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets America
You refer to papaya's comment that love is no reason to throw out common sense by saying common sense is something completely nonsensical. You are the one to compare apples and oranges, That's all. :)
Yes! Assuming your boyfriend weighs at least 38 lbs, dump him.Quote:
Originally Posted by stephofthenight
okay, first off. I'm sorry that I upset you guys thats not what I wanted...I just wanted help on how to lose weight. The truth is I dont love him, but I'm going to stay with him, because I know eventualy ill learn to love him, and he cares about me. My age does not matter, my image does. Hes a model and a body builder, he cant have a crappy looking girlfriend like me. So if I'm going to stay in his life (and eventualy get over andy) I have to make some changes...my weight is the begining of a long road I'm taking not just for him but for myself as well. If i'm small enough he will learn to love me, and thats all I want.
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Originally Posted by stephofthenight
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Originally Posted by stephofthenight
Do the quotes above sound like love? Does it sound like someone capable of being in a mature relationship? Common sense makes me believe this isn't a good relationship. Common sense tells me that there is a world of difference in mind set, life experience, and expectations between 15 and 26.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets America
You're right I am criticizing and I am butting in, So? that's what friends do. Just like I would tell my friend if thy're about to walk off a cliff I'd tell Steph this doesn't seem right.
your probably right, its prrobably not the best relationship for me. but I need to feel loved, by somone tangiable. and I realy need to get over Andy, its not good for me to remain so attached to someone I dont get to see... And my bf does care, and he treats me pretty decent.
You don't understand what I meant. I meant that I agreed with you about this relationship which is abusive, but I meant that nobody should generalize about that and certainly not about age differences. Who are you to know about all the 15 years old and all the 25 years old? Your common sense is only your closed-minded opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
Yeah, pretty decent indeed.Quote:
Originally Posted by stephofthenight
Are you sure you deserve a 'pretty decent' treatment? Do you think he desreves more for only 'pretty decent' treatment he shows you?Quote:
Originally Posted by stephofthenight
Boost up your confidence, and self-respect, you will realise that you should be treated well, not just decent.....
Most of the people here have the same opinion. It indicates that you need to re-think about the situation you are in (ofcourse its your call finally). It is better to confront the situation than being afraid to take any action for the fear that something big might happen, which you may not want to handle (like breaking up).
Its only the start that seems difficult. :)
I hope all works out fine for you.
R e m i n d e r
Unless you are able to offer your opinions without personal and/or inflammatory comments,
please refrain from taking in part in this discussion.
I guess we have different opinions of closed mindedness. I consider myself open minded but that stops when things become detrimental to anybody's health and well being. An adult / child relationship has a very great potential to be very damaging and there is absolutely no reason to throw that fact out the window because someone says the word love. It's like saying, "I realize it's midnight and there's two guys in ski masks but I'm gonna walk down this alley because I don't want to assume those guys are bad doers" why take that risk?Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets America
Yes, but:Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
1) if you start to imagine all the risks there can be out there, then you stay in your house and you never get out.
2) Why do you generalize in calling all 15 year olds 'children'?? Each person is different, each person has a different level of maturity at 15. It depends on your personal experiences and what you have faced through life. I was certainly not a kid at 15.
Get a new boyfriend...Quote:
Originally Posted by stephofthenight
There are acceptable risks and unacceptable risks, everbody has a different thersholds. It's not closed minded to think about risk and make decisions based on what one considers acceptable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets America
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2) Why do you generalize in calling all 15 year olds 'children'?? Each person is different, each person has a different level of maturity at 15. It depends on your personal experiences and what you have faced through life. I was certainly not a kid at 15.
ummm, is it a generalization if under US law 15 year olds are considered children with absolutely no legal rights?
There may be some mature 15 year olds, there's always exceptions. For those of us that remember 15 and remember 26 most, if not all can, probably agree that we were not the same person at 26 that we were at 15. There are huge fundamental changes that occur in one's teenage years.
Yes, it's just that what you consider acceptable is not necessarily what others consider acceptable. It's the same for me. What I want to say is that one cannot judge if other people's relationhips are acceptable or not, you cannot judge the risks since you are not in the person's shoes.Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
I think a US law saying that all 15 year olds should be considered as kids is actually a stupid generalization. This law is no excuse to base your reasoning on it. You can think by yourself, too.Quote:
ummm, is it a generalization if under US law 15 year olds are considered children with absolutely no legal rights?
There may be some mature 15 year olds, there's always exceptions. For those of us that remember 15 and remember 26 most, if not all can, probably agree that we were not the same person at 26 that we were at 15. There are huge fundamental changes that occur in one's teenage years.
I see you recognize that there are mature 15 year olds, but there's no reason to call them exceptions, as if the 'normal' thing was for a 15 years old to be immature.
Yes, at 23 I feel different from at 15, my personality is the same in depth but I have expanded my horizons. However, that absolutely does not mean that I was immature at 15, I was just different and I would have found it so stupid to let other people decide what was good or bad for me. I don't understand this tendency that people have to want to decide for other people. Just leave them alone and live your life. Only you can know if you are mature enough to take risks. Each human is different and this is why I will not judge people's relationships or choices because I am just not them.
oh, I can judge however I like to call it having an opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets America
I can certainly judge risks, it's called learning from my experiences humans are not that different from each other that we can't learn from each others mistakes.
It seems like we're are all suppossed to think like you or were wrong. I've already stated about 3 times why I think a 15 year old shouldn't be considered an adult. Because I happen to agree with a law doesn't mean I blindly follow or don't think.Quote:
I think a US law saying that all 15 year olds should be considered as kids is actually a stupid generalization. This law is no excuse to base your reasoning on it. You can think by yourself, too.
It is a normal thing for a 15 year old to be immature. It's a fact that brain pathways are still being formed at that age and hormones are raging.Quote:
I see you recognize that there are mature 15 year olds, but there's no reason to call them exceptions, as if the 'normal' thing was for a 15 years old to be immature.
Me too, only I can look back and realize that what I thought I knew and what I actually knew are vastly different.Quote:
Yes, at 23 I feel different from at 15, my personality is the same in depth but I have expanded my horizons. However, that absolutely does not mean that I was immature at 15, I was just different and I would have found it so stupid to let other people decide what was good or bad for me.
That's the problem many children may think they are mature enough to handle certain things when they actually aren't.Quote:
I don't understand this tendency that people have to want to decide for other people. Just leave them alone and live your life. Only you can know if you are mature enough to take risks. Each human is different and this is why I will not judge people's relationships or choices because I am just not them.