Boys and girls having sex can't be friends?
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Boys and girls having sex can't be friends?
nope. most women can't separate sex and love and they end up having feelings for the guy who considers her nothing more than a _____ buddy.Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
I have recently come across that last word! I don't know what to make of itQuote:
Originally Posted by Shalot
As you say it seems to be true...while men can have sex without any emotional attachments but women find it difficult...I wonder why? Is it because of supression of their sexuality by men forced them into this kind of emotional blackmail...
That may be the case the majority of the time but I've certainly known people who haven't fit into that mold, women who just want a boy toy and men who need to be in love to have a sexual relationship. I think it all comes down to emotional intimacy, women seem to have a need or a craving for it while men tend to avoid it. Of course, not all women fit into that category or men for that matter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lote-Tree
Yes. Women are changing. They are more freer to express their sexuality these days than when they were in victorian times. Perhaps this emotional needs comes from too much dependency on men in the past?Quote:
Originally Posted by Idril
What about Queen E. the virgin queen (or rather the queen who was anything but...) :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Lote-Tree
And she expressed her Sexuality quite well in the courts I believe :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanislaw
Stereotypes are cool.Quote:
nope. most women can't separate sex and love and they end up having feelings for the guy who considers her nothing more than a _____ buddy.
What is wrong with being friends-with-benefits or sex buddies?
Nothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
nothing, if both of them agree that that's what they want.Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
the kind of situation I had in mind was this:
two people get to know each other, e.g. at school, work etc
the girl doesn't mind talking to the guy but she doesn't show him any special attention.
the guy takes her "good-morning"s and "how are you"s to mean something else than they mean. when they have coffee or lunch together, e.g. at the canteen, he sees it as a date (for the girl, it's not a date, only common courtesy; why should she not have lunch with her colleague, class mate etc)
sooner or later the guy finds out that the girl does not want to date him. he is totally shocked, upset, dismayed, and feels betrayed and cheated.
---> why does this happen so often and why do guys seem to misunderstand these situations more often than girls?
please explain what you mean by stereotypes?Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
There is nothing wrong with friends-with-benefits except that friendships usually last a few years and that's it. but when you have one or more sex buddies you run the risk of passing all kinds of stds like hpv and hsv -- neither one will kill you but you keep them for life. (the hpv or hsv that is)
and all because of your friend....
gotta be careful who you do the deed with :nod: if I am going to contract some herpes it better come from someone I love .... :shrug:
Well, about sexual tension - maybe we are frigid or something but we are not sexually attracted to every (young) female we meet. Jeesh. Wonder how we could think about anything else if we did.
eh, forget it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
I'm disappointed.
I wasn't asking what a stereotype was, if that's your issue.
I've just come home from bill-paying and shopping.
Normally I would come home to an empty house but today my cleaner came early so let herself in, cleaned up and, passed me a cup of coffee as soon as I had put my electric scooter on charge and sat down.
Sheer bliss for me but, what's this to do with friendship between man and woman?
Well, my cleaner is an intelligent woman, we often talk, putting the world to rights and so on and, we've become friends.
But, no way would I consider her any more than just a friend, and believe me, being totally on my own, I really do want more than friendship.
And yes, during our talks she's trusted me with relationship matters which I would not reveal to anyone and, she knows and understands my "Loneliness" so to speak. So, to me...
She's more than a cleaner, she's a trusted friend whom I allow into my house even when I'm not at home and...
No Way could I ever consider breaking that trust by suggesting a relationship!
(PS. I employ a cleaner because I'm disabled and unable to do many things for myself and, not because I'm filthy rich and can't be bothered)
Boys and Girls can totally be friends. When I was little...kindergarten-present day, I have always had more friends that were boys than girls. I've only been in two relationships, both horrible, but I find that I get more out of being friends, only friends, with guys than if I were to date them. Granted, most of the time my friends that are guys I haven't really been attracted to them. Not that they weren't physically appealing or whatever, but I just haven't thought of them in that relationship type of way.
Shalot, your funny! The whole herpes thing...I'm sorry, I found in entertaining.::p Not in a sarcastic way either.
It is very possible but there are so many rules it seems. Most of my friends are guys, they are more mine and my husbands. I just don't get on with too many women since I have more in common with all the guys I know. Now here go some rules. Whether he is married or single he isn't to be at the house when I'm alone. It just looks wrong and rumors fly in this town. You can't go to the movies together or even go to the bar and leave your spouse at home... yadda yadda yadda. I'm sure you get the picture. We're friends, but relegated to group gatherings. If you aren't married the it is open game. Before my marriage I went out every week with a group of guy pals and played pool. We would go get a bite to eat after and just had an all around good time. I would also hook up with one or more to go to the movies. The trick is knowing how to manage them. If you find one has an interest in you then don't go out when it is just the two of you. Other than that, be prepared to brush off any number of jokes that could offend. Slaps on the bum happen too. It is just part of the course, at least with my group.
if you have read Eaters of the dead/13th warrior by michael crichton, then you know of the sex those women went through, i think society is on a cycle in everything, our popular music will eventually cycle back to the reinventation of jazz, oldies, and country music, just like fashion will eventually go to people wearing almost nothing, to people wearing clothing like in elizabethean times, thus sex will reach a certain point where doing it for any other purpose besides breeding will be considered a crime against humanity and not allowed by popularity, until it is happening everywhere, every second of the day, no matter where you are, like in Brave New World by aldous huxleyQuote:
Originally Posted by Lote-Tree
Aw thanksQuote:
Originally Posted by Mortis Anarchy
:)
It's repulsive and of low character, that's what's wrong with it. Would you go around telling your parents, grandparents, and your aunts and uncles and other people who you wish to look at you with respect? Would you go around telling people at work? If that's the kind of esteem you wish to be associated with, then you will be known as sleaze. And it will catch up with you in your life in time. I can't believe so many people said nothing is wrong with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
I hope they can just be friends or four or friends on this forum might not speak to me anymore. As to the benefits thing--from my observations it never works out and someone gets hurt--usually the one that falls in love first. Sex buddies and such take the responsibility and comitment to a relationship that love should inspire which hopefully leads to marriage but I'm an old fashioned romantic in that area well aware of the live together first routine. My ex-daughter-in-law was always VERY careful not getting her name on my son's rental agreements and he's still paying for that oversight.
I believe guys and girls can be friends, in terms of acquaintances and good friends. There are plenty of guys I would consider good/great friends. Best friends....no way. But that is of course my opinion.
The idea of having sex buddies or friends with benefits is kind of gross. I don't think that arrangement works too well for anyone. There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally and physically to take that kind of risk...and for what?!
I don't agree with you when you say it's only young people who can't have friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes adults feel attacted to close friends, especially if they are single...Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
I believe that the problem comes when you know that person really well, and you spend countless hours sharing happyness and sorrows...you care for that person and sometimes that leads to romantic feelings. As somebody said in this thread (sorry i don't remember who) the romantic feeling you can't control, but yes the sexual instinct. But even if you can control that and decide not to act on it...the problem is that the friendship itself will no longer be the same...something changes. The person in love (or attacted to the other) will undoubtedly feel weird and things will change.
That actually happened to me once...A male friend started feeling attacted to me and he wanted to have a romantic relationship but i didn't share the feeling and so eventually we grew apart!! :bawling:
I definitely agree with you on this aspect...the problem arises when there's intimacy...that leads to deeper feelings...and there you are in trouble!!:pQuote:
Originally Posted by grace86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
Well, doesn't your experience prove my point? Your friend had over active hormones. ;) I didn't mean to imply it was absolute. I'm sure there are exceptions.Quote:
Originally Posted by aldana
I also speak from personal experience aldana ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by aldana
Does this come out of personal experience as well? (if you don't mind my asking...:) ) I myself never dared to do it...because of fear of those risk...but i have often wondered if i missed out on anything!:pQuote:
Originally Posted by grace86
I know, as a hopeless romantic as I am...that i would have never been able to do that...it would be too risky:sick:
There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally, physically and financially to marry someone as well? Is marriage gross as well? Why is the idea of casual sex so icky?Quote:
The idea of having sex buddies or friends with benefits is kind of gross. I don't think that arrangement works too well for anyone. There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally and physically to take that kind of risk...and for what?!
I am glad all of us are so tolerent and accepting here of perfectly legal acts. :)Quote:
It's repulsive and of low character, that's what's wrong with it. Would you go around telling your parents, grandparents, and your aunts and uncles and other people who you wish to look at you with respect? Would you go around telling people at work? If that's the kind of esteem you wish to be associated with, then you will be known as sleaze. And it will catch up with you in your life in time. I can't believe so many people said nothing is wrong with it.
And I have the freedom to point out what I consider socially dysfunctional behavior. Just because its legal does not make it decent. I'm entitled to express public disdain for repulsive behavior. Public disdain establishes social norms. If you had come on expressing racists ideas I would be just as intolerant. The problem with modern life is that every low life behavior is accepted in the name of tolerance. It may be legal but it does not make it acceptable. Like I said, would you go around telling the people you want and need respect from that you go with sex buddies? Frankly, I couldn't care less about your life and its dysfunctions, but there are other people, young people, who require boundaries of right and wrong.Quote:
Originally Posted by EAP
When I first met my friend (male) he thought he owned the place because he was hanging out with two girls...please..anyways, slaps on the bum was very,very common. I'm not sure though why when you have friends that are the opposite sex, or at least from my experience they tend to think they own you or whatever. We are still really good friends, but at times he acts like I'm his girlfriend and can't watch certain movies, or look at other guys, or date anyone for that matter. I'm not sure what it is...anyclue? Now I think I'm going away from what I've said earlier...but I do agree with you, that boundaries are set whenever you have that friendship relationship thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by mkhockenberry
he may have a crush on you. I found out that one of my best friends had been in love with me for years after I married. I felt really guilty and things were really strange between us after that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mortis Anarchy
Oh, well he did admit to having a crush on me...but he's a bit of a player and I think he was just angry that out of the entire female population of that area, I was the only one that didn't like him...eww:sick:
Another one of my good male friends asked me out last year but I told him no, because I would rather have a long relationship as friends than a short one of dating..or whatever...and we remain really good friends...it is a little weird though, sometimes.
But I still believe that males and females can have close friendships without crossing boundaries.:p
YEEEEEES! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by EAP
NO that part does not come from personal experience! :blush: Fear of those risks definitely play a part personally. I am a fellow romantic. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by aldana
Marriage is not casual sex.Quote:
Originally posted by EAP
There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally, physically and financially to marry someone as well? Is marriage gross as well? Why is the idea of casual sex so icky?
Haha...thats funny...I just watched Knocked Up...having a baby is gross...eugh:sick: and painful:( :bawling:Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyWitch
What's Knocked Up? Reality TV? watch births live! ???
I believe it's some movie that just came out. It's supposed to be very funny but I haven't seen it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyWitch
I don't think there can be a definitive answer to this question; anything involving human relationships is arguably relative (and certainly complicated if experience is anything to go by!). I think that younger people sometimes have a harder time accepting that a boy/girl can have a strong friendship without anything further going on, this was certainly the case among my companions at school. Whether you can have a close friend of the opposite sex is ultimately down to your individual perspective and behaviour and I think it can be a rewarding thing. :)
I think it works this way: sexual attraction and infatuation generally do not deal with reality - both of those thrive on idealization. As such, unless there is something in reality that clearly dissuades one from being sexually attracted to someone else, I believe that sexual tension is always present in male-female "friendships." By "reality" I mean that there is something about the person that clearly shuts off the sexual attraction - perhaps that girl at work whom you were drooling over finally pulled out her baby pictures from her purse and the reality hit you that this is a mother who loves her kid and husband and won't be jaunting off to the supply closet with you; or, the man whom you were all dreamy-eyed over suddely has a fit of temper at work over a trivial matter and suddenly he's a bit less dreamy. That's what I mean. When we are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, I think that - barring some "reality factor" like I've just mentioned or a physical make-up that does not appeal to us, we will experience sexual attraction (and even the "looks" part can be mitigated - plenty of men/women who have had affairs chose people who were less (not more) attractive than their spouses - because attitude can override physicality in many ways.
I dont think anybody is saying it is. Just that all the factors you listed are also present, to an ever larger extent, in marriage as well - justification of one over another based on rational parameters is liable to fall flat on its face.Quote:
Marriage is not casual sex.
As a personal choice, I can totally understand it. :)
Aww. Cute.Quote:
And I have the freedom to point out what I consider socially dysfunctional behavior. Just because its legal does not make it decent. I'm entitled to express public disdain for repulsive behavior. Public disdain establishes social norms. If you had come on expressing racists ideas I would be just as intolerant. The problem with modern life is that every low life behavior is accepted in the name of tolerance. It may be legal but it does not make it acceptable. Like I said, would you go around telling the people you want and need respect from that you go with sex buddies? Frankly, I couldn't care less about your life and its dysfunctions, but there are other people, young people, who require boundaries of right and wrong.
Throughout my childhood, the ratio of male/female friends leaned heavily towards the latter. Looking back, I'm not exactly sure why... I guess it was just the done thing. I found males lacked a certain degree of maturity and although there were a few exceptions, I tended not to hang around with them.
Towards my last years in primary school, I became quite a solitary person and spent every lunchtime, for approximately 3 years, reading books. This was mainly due to a serious amount of sly bullying from the girls and rather blunt verbal abuse from the boys.
I entered Highschool in need of a fresh start and after a year I landed myself some excellent friends. This is when the male/female ratio altered dramatically - I had roughly... 7 male friends and only 2 or 3 female friends. This is still the case now.
There are things I prefer about both sets of friends.
[The following descriptions are not generalizations of each gender.]
With my female friends, I feel we can dicuss things openly, moan about things like there is no tomorrow, share fairly personal secrets and have a few light hearted laughs.
My only issue perhaps, is the occasional *****iness directed at eachother and even more rarely - bordem.
With my male friends I am almost always guaranteed fun and laughter. Occasionally I may even get a rather deep conversation out of them :p I'm the only female amongst my male friends and so I enjoy the sense of individuality.
The only issue here is a clash of personalities...
Without meaning to offend, alot of males lack some understanding and tact when it comes to females - which doesn't exactly help when you're down.
I sometimes get the odd sexist comment, but thats only to wind me up because they know Im a roaring little feminist :P
I think the biggest downside to a friendly male-female relationship is if either party falls in love with the other - it can be potentially disastrous to the relationship.
What are your thoughts on male an female friends?
Like me, do you spot significant differences between the two?