-never thought sober deserved a line, bowl, or glass in a cold ale thread
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-never thought sober deserved a line, bowl, or glass in a cold ale thread
Good point, we should Boycott the use of that word.
Yeah, but for the highly admirable reasons that he got off on the fame and kicked back to enjoy the women, booze and drugs for a while.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Me neither, but I agree it would have been nice to watch. The few clips I've seen are impressive.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
I was going to find all sorts of reasons to disagree with you here, but taking Hadlee, Botham, Khan and Dev's relatively weak batting figures, and the fact that he has more wickets than Garry Sobers - at a better average - you might well be right! His batting average is only very slightly inferior to Sobers, and while he's much lower than the other group in bowling, comparing them from a batting perspective shows a gulf of difference. His batting average is only .09 behind Sachin Bleeding Tendulkar!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I've always looked at Kallis as a batsman who bowls, but maybe it's because his batting is so superb that his bowling just gets overlooked, but 260 wickets at 32 is hard to deny.
There you go - we've all been watching the greatest allrounder in history without even knowing it!
Aye, but I did qualify it by saying "stastically speaking" . No one can dispute the figures and his batting technique is superb but on entertainment value, which we all covet, I am not sure. I hate agreeing with Mick but watching Beefy charging down to the crease and belting the ball over the ground was superb. Statistics do not always tell the whole story. Whatever Botham lacked in finesse he more than made up with pure determination. Now can we back to the fitba. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
:D Just a jocky observation, we all know that life can be bad and has a nasty habit of kicking one in the gonads but imagine the scenario. You find out that the Missus is having a fling so you get tooled up to confront the marriage wrecker. You put on your best pair of steel toe caps, polish the old knuckle duster and head for High Noon only to discover the interloper is a decent looking female. :smilielol5:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.
I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined.
There's still time to send in a few more lines!
I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?
In the meantime, here is a teaser:
A Cold Ale Blokes Production
In association with
Flat Earth Poets Society
Presents
"SHE STOMPS TO CONQUER"
A Christmas play in the manner of Goldsmith
Dramatis Personae
Bigfoot Foote
Madam Foote
Little Feete (Madam and Bigfoot’s children)
Cousin Yeti
First Clown from Scotland
Marry the Second Clown from Scotland
Yorkshire Minstrel
Van Trapp Singers
Village Idiot
Uncle Skookum
TBRC
The Flat Earth Poets:
J=Jocky; P=Prendrelemick; PC=Paulclem; G=Gbrekken; G=Gilliatt TVZ= Townes van Zandt (Lyrics to Pancho and Lefty)
Act I
Scene I
(Setting: A small clearing among towering Loblolly pines and Sweetgums, somewhere in East Texas near the Louisiana border. Black Capped Chickadees are heard flitting about plucking seeds from pinecones, a Blue Jay periodically interrupts the Chickadees industrious foraging with their obnoxious squawks, armadillos struggle to augur the stiff January ground in search of grubs and nuts. Good ole boys can be heard in the distance whoop’n an holler’n an firing guns in a drunken mêlée. It is winter, “The Winter of our Discontent”. The musky odor of gigantopithecus permeates the whorefrost suspended in the crisp dawn air.)
(Two clowns from Scotland enter the clearing. Marry carries a cricket bat and spies a hollow log)
Marry the Second Clown:
There was a young dude.........
.
...and that's when Shane Warne rings the doorbell. It seems one of them has sent him a text message.:DQuote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Sorry, I didn't see that message above till now...
That's one of the good things about cricket, stats say so much.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Fitba? I thought the games were all cancelled? A little snow stopping them, pah!
There's a lot of it about. My boy used to haveb a boy in his class who had two mums picking him up after school.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
(Not that either of 'em were much to look at!)
Magnificent stuff!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Shane Warne. Now a chat show host, if you didn't know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Silas Thorne
One of the world's biggest-ever prats.
I have to say, its a bit shorter than I expected.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
The Best Ever, is nothing to do with statistics - its about impressions.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
So, for me
Bowler - Joel Garner
Batsman - Viv Richards
All Rounder - Ian Botham
I am a child of the 70s in case you hadn't guessed.
I'd go along with Joel Garner - watching him had me awestruck. I cannot imagine what it was like having the ball coming down from 9' at 100 mph. I would have certainly needed my incontinence pads in.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Pity they didn't keep strike rates in tests in Richards' day, but I'd have to go for Tendulkar as batsman. Just makes it look so easy.
I saw Tendulkar at Headingley as a raw young lad, he had everything even then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Oh no, it's much longer.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
That was just a teaser to give you a sense of where this thing is headed and to motivate the poets in submitting their final entries.
New poets are welcome to join in.
(God, this hotel life is really getting to me !)
.
Gilliatt, " A thing of beauty is a joy forever "Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
He would be greeted with a nice glass of really warm lager. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Silas Thorne
As you seem to be the only decent poet amongst us perhaps you could pen the epilogue.
Hard to argue with your choices though I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen. On the subject of all rounders it is always worth mentioning Richie Benaud. I never saw him play but if his game was anything like his commentary then he must have been a giant. A real gentleman and a sore loss to the world of cricket.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Sorry, can't resist.
M. There was a young dude from Mafaking
FC. Enough of your Lim- rick- ing
M. Who told all the world he could sing
FC. Hold! enough of that din
M. But alas every note
FC. I would not give a groat
M. Was like a young stoat,
FC. For what hies from your throat,
M. Being flung from a fell Berber's sling.
FC. And the rest is silence. -Thank god.
FC. hush now we approach the Bigfoot's lair
(Exuent, persued by a bear)
Scene two. inside a cave. A kilted BF is hoovering around Mrs BF's feet.
Mrs BF. That'll teach you to make hay on forbidden lawns.
The best laid plans of mice and men
do often go awry.
Enjoy your play Bye Bye.
Did he what!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I saw players fall asleep while he walked back to his mark. At smaller grounds, like Eden Park, his run used to start halfway down the players' tunnel.
Impressive start Gilliatt!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Haha! Perfect!
If you only knew how well your latest entry fits in with the madness.
It will all make sense when the play hits the streets.
Great stuff.
Thanks
.
Was it longer than Dennis Lillee's run up though?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
In fact the reason I put Viv Richards as my number one, is the way he stood up to those playground bullies, Lillee and Thompson, without extra armour. These were men who thought good bowling consisted of 5 short pitched deliveries per over at a tail ender.
I'm not sure whether this is an appropriate subject for gentlemen - "Who's was longer, Lillee or Willis?"Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Willis by yards, I'd say.
I saw them both play at Eden Park on many occasions and while I couldn't pin-point where Lille started his run, I could take you to the spot where Bob used to start his amble to the wicket, and I can tell you it is at least five metres outside any other player I've seen.
Willis' disc used to be within spitting distance of the terraces at the southern end - literally. Luckily, Kiwis aren't much into spitting, unless it's on a footpath.
Ahem.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
It is my solemn duty as an Englishman to point out that bodyline bowling was invented by an Englishman.
In days when padding - other than shins and a box - was not even invented, never mind allowed, and head protection consisted of a cloth cap.
:D
True, and how the Aussies whinged, they nearly revolted from the Empire. Larwood would at least apologise to Bradman after nearly breaking his ribs.
I wonder what Bradman thought of Lillee and Thompson.
They're still revolting!Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
across ponds- did the down under folks whine or whinged? oed ain't helping me here blokes, it's just y'all
Definitely both.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
And a Merry Christmas to all!
Parker has tomorrow's dinner prepared already, I understand:
Entree: Smoked salmon on thin-sliced wholegrain toast.
Main, choice of: Fillet steak, roasted whole in a garlic & red wine sauce, with seasonal vegetables or chicken breast, seared and served with tossed fresh salad.
Dessert: a traditional Kiwi pavlova with fresh strawberries.
Bottles of Mumm's in the fridge!
I would have to say the second tennis player easily.
And blokey stuff so...
Did you see that fight where people got hurt? Man that was sweet.
Merry Christmas all!!
The family has retired upstairs and so I am free to chill down on the net. It's been busy, and the elderly relatives were watching rubbish telly. Never mind. It's still nice to have them round.
Have you seen Gilliat's Play thread. Brilliant.
The Christmas menu sounds fantastic - especially the kiwi pavlova. I might be able to squeeze a portion in. My wife makes a great xmas pudding, which takes up a lot of space, but then...
Boxing Day test!
Nice of all those Aussies to turn up to watch their heroes get blasted off the park.
Did they have a fire drill with an hour still to play.? The stands seemed to empty very quickly. :smilielol5:
Guys, I'm sorry I've deserted you; I've been having baking crises and then spiked eggnog adventures...I'll catch up soon...glad someone posted that wonderful poem
I was trying to remember, maybe you will Atheist...who put up that picture of the drunk Santa a few years ago...so cool!
Sounds intriguing! We will await details with interest.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Not sure where the Santa came from.
I thought all of you gents had a Mrs...I had a near miss; but alas, he left:smilielol5:Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
The second mr sounds complained that his second wife took off with another woman; personally, I always thought his second wife looked suspiciouslylike a man...nevertheless, I think you blokes would have turned the whole situation in your favor by suggesting a parting menage a trois:thumbs_upQuote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Sounds like a winner to me!Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
I'm glad you've given the rest of litnet the chance to see that we blokes are not just here for merry making and discussion of women, booze and sports...we are artists!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle
Smashing, I'll be there at 4pmQuote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Great fellow, even likes the relatives...do youthink the wife would make an extra Christmas pudding for us slackers in the states....by the way, does she use rye ale and stout in hers?Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
Actually, as I kept putting more rum in the eggnog; it's all a bit fuzzy to me...I do remember I had a good time though...Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I thought you would look reallysmashing as Santa; I suggested to Baje you would do a great SAnta with Max as an elf...
I think Mrs P uses rum. We do have an extra too. Very nice it was this year, and We've got some of the big one left.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/celeb020.jpg
Is that the one sounds?
Stag Night Santa or what!
:D
My Mrs P wouldn't let me use the picture above for this years Christmas Cards.:frown5:
We bought this cheap as dirt white wine that tasted like piss. I mixed it with Dr. Pepper, you couldn't taste the wine at all, it made spending the night with family fairly tolerable.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
He must work for the discount stripper agency.Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrphanPip
Cheap wine tends to cause extravagant hangovers.
I spent Boxing Day in bed all day, but I'm not sure if I blame the excess food or the excess drinking.Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Santa - the dyslexic me.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Hello all, hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.
Let me first take this moment to tell you how proud I am of your performance on stage.
The hard work and sleepless hours spent rehearsing paid off!
Haha..I remember that drunk Santa.
By the way, Santa was good to us. He dropped off a few movies including: "Them", "The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms", "World Without End", "Satellite in the Sky" and "Earth vs The Flying Saucers"...oh and a new lap top!
Now we must gear up and stock up for New Year's.
.
Get thee behind me Santa!Quote:
Originally Posted by Satan
It doesn't quite work does it.