Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

---

Interesting question.
Gbrekken might be able to reveal a little more on that.
The terms of endearment that I recall...knockers, inflated jibs or spinnakers.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Silas Thorne

Or flubbly jubblies? I love the sound of that word, it's so evocative. :)

---

Mr. Thorne!
By God if anyone can help weave our tail, it is Mr. Thorne!
Bring this man a drink
and let him think

.

I'm very confused. Which topic are we on again? My mind has stuck on the broken record of Mamory. Is this the creation of some limerick on the wonder of the mountains? Or on wondrous mountains?

Looking down, we see the mountains,
above is sky.

Something Jocky started regarding gigantopithicus.
He'll have to explain, but don't hold your breath waiting; Jocky sleeps a lot.

.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Now, don't get me wrong here but the truth has to be told. Now I have to admit I don't believe in God or Gods but there is a malevolent being out there. This may be dualistic thinking but I am not so sure. How come every time I press my trousers the milk bottle falls on the crease and when I try to shave it is a scrape because sonny boy has been using my razor ? There may be more to this than meets the eye.

---

You think you have it bad, Jocky, imagine having projections from your chest that knock the milk jug over when you eat....you men have it made:smilielol5:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

What you say has merit Jocky. I too have noticed a conspiricy of inanimate (supposedly) objects to confound my simple desires:- The piece of toast that lands butter side down, the pound coin that rolls under the sofa, the TV remote that lays just out of reach. They claim of course to be merely following the laws of physics, but I know better.

---

And everyone wonders why I eat with a row of paper towels attached to my neck; wearing nothing but my skivvies:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Sympathies. A week, or maybe two, of penitence looms. Exrtra housework, kindly words and smiles rebuffed. Perhaps an unscheduled holiday, or an expensive item of jewellery. Maybe a candlelit dinner.

Of course this may be anathema to the Jocksman, who may decide to sweat it out. :D

---

You see, gentlemen, this is why Paul is able to get the Mrs. to come out to the fields with him on the weekend.:thumbsup:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)

---

I never realized how suggestive those sitcom titles were...I think the females should bath in the creek; imagine brushing your teeth one day and finding a press on nail or worse...:ack2:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Something Jocky started regarding gigantopithicus.
He'll have to explain, but don't hold your breath waiting; Jocky sleeps a lot.

.

---

I never realized you were such a gifted limerick writer Gilliatt....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

---

I think in those days, eyes and owls were known as hooters:smilielol5:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

You think you have it bad, Jocky, imagine having projections from your chest that knock the milk jug over when you eat....you men have it made:smilielol5:

---

Most blokes dream of waking up with that problem!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I never realized how suggestive those sitcom titles were...I think the females should bath in the creek; imagine brushing your teeth one day and finding a press on nail or worse...:ack2:

---

:smilielol5:

No, they filled the engine from the pool tank, not the drinking jugs.

I'd have to say, with those three swimming in it, I'd have no problem drinking it!

To change tack here ( as jocky does a neat body swerve on the poetry ) Spare a thought for the Right Honourable Jeffrey Hunt MP who was Spoonerised three times in a 48 hour period by three different journalists. Being the Minister for Culture do you suppose he would have appreciated the ironic value in this ?

sweat off dolly parton"s chest?: mountain dew

i'll check my oed for hooters whilst imagining sounds giving me gentle quick double slaps in the face.

don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.

did you see those knockers? what company made those over the shoulder boulder holders?

turn down the brights on those headlights girl

more later

pity the MP that doesn't appreciate oxymoronerisms

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

To change tack here ( as jocky does a neat body swerve on the poetry ) Spare a thought for the Right Honourable Jeffrey Hunt MP who was Spoonerised three times in a 48 hour period by three different journalists. Being the Minister for Culture do you suppose he would have appreciated the ironic value in this ?

---

Brilliant!

I doubt he got the irony, somehow.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

what company made those over the shoulder boulder holders?

---

My 8yo boy now uses that term!

The kids had never heard it and we were discussing old slang the other day. That one struck a chord - someone should post it in the old words thread.

:smilielol5:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

pity the MP that doesn't appreciate oxymoronerisms

---

10/10

We should try bottling the humour in this place; the world would be a lot better with it spread around. People take life far too seriously.

I've heard the word zeppelins used before.

I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I've heard the word zeppelins used before.

I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/

---

That is an old term which may be extant only in a few teachers staff rooms. The advent of bazookas made them redundant.

Er, the play you say. It all depends on who you mean by the venerable William. If you mean Shakespeare it falls a mite short but if, of course, you mean the inimitable William Topaz McGonnagall then I should say we have reached an exceptionally high standard. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I never realized you were such a gifted limerick writer Gilliatt....

---

Thanks...I suppose, but credit must go to others as well. This is a team effort. By the way we are waiting on your contribution along with a few others.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

...those headlights...

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I've heard the word zeppelins used before.

I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/

---

Yes, I forgot about headlights.
I like "Zeppelins".
I now recall "tuning dials" as in HAM radio..."come in Tokyo...come in Rangoon"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Er, the play you say. It all depends on who you mean by the venerable William. If you mean Shakespeare it falls a mite short but if, of course, you mean the inimitable William Topaz MacGonnogal then I should say we have reached an exceptionally high standard. :)

---

I've lost track, is it a play or a lost Chaucer tail?
Either way, I believe the idea is to wrap it up in time to read at the Christmas party.


.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Either way, I believe the idea is to wrap it up in time to read at the Christmas party.


.

---

It behoves me not to rush our play
The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
One must allow for unforseen mishaps
bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I've heard the word zeppelins used before.

I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/

---

Zeppelins, yes, I'd even forgotten about them.

Only the really big 'uns.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

It behoves me not to rush our play
The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
One must allow for unforseen mishaps
bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.

---

Even the other William is turning in his grave at the beauty and symmetry of it all.

I almost shed a tear.

Onions get me every time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Most blokes dream of waking up with that problem

---

I know what you mean; we ladies, well I, anyway, have often thought exactly the same thing about male appendages...it just seems like such a job to keep the opposite sex appeased and pleased all the time just to have the occasional romantic evening;
But, then I think of all the bother if I possesed my own appendage: prostate problems, premature and prolonged, headaches with viagra...:cryin:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

sweat off dolly parton"s chest?: mountain dew

i'll check my oed for hooters whilst imagining sounds giving me gentle quick double slaps in the face.

don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.

did you see those knockers? what company made those over the shoulder boulder holders?

turn down the brights on those headlights girl

more later

pity the MP that doesn't appreciate oxymoronerisms

---

brilliant :smilielol5:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Thanks...I suppose, but credit must go to others as well. This is a team effort. By the way we are waiting on your contribution along with a few others.


Yes, I forgot about headlights.
I like "Zeppelins".
I now recall "tuning dials" as in HAM radio..."come in Tokyo...come in Rangoon"

I've lost track, is it a play or a lost Chaucer tail?
Either way, I believe the idea is to wrap it up in time to read at the Christmas party.

.

---

Oh, I could never add to the great verse you and Jocky are putting together.
God help us from men who think we have operational areolas....:hand:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

It behoves me not to rush our play
The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
One must allow for unforseen mishaps
bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.

---

Lovely Jocky, is that fine young man in your avatar you?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

It behoves me not to rush our play
The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
One must allow for unforseen mishaps
bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.

---

For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
And so her ego I shall give a boost.
But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
I snigger to myself for I still know,
That even as I clean I rule the show.
To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham,
With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
I know my place, it's she who only thinks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

It behoves me not to rush our play
The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
One must allow for unforseen mishaps
bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
And so her ego I shall give a boost.
But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
I snigger to myself for I still know,
That even as I clean I rule the show.
To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham,
With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
I know my place, it's she who only thinks.

---

Brilliant !!!!!!
You guys are nothing….nothing but pure genius.
As your Troop scribe, I will now add these two installments to the tail of the Tale.
The Flat Earth Poets Society (FEPS) now recognizes “PC” who is hereby added to bard list.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Oh, I could never add to the great verse you and Jocky are putting together.

---

Nonsense !!!
Do you honestly consider this great verse?
I know it's in you. Perhaps the governess, Edelweiss, a doe, a deer...

Please forgive me, I've had a little too much wine tonight.


Gilliatt

No use crying over spilt milk,
But lethal weapons of that ilk,
Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
Or handled with the utmost care,
Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

To change tack here ( as jocky does a neat body swerve on the poetry ) Spare a thought for the Right Honourable Jeffrey Hunt MP who was Spoonerised three times in a 48 hour period by three different journalists. Being the Minister for Culture do you suppose he would have appreciated the ironic value in this ?

---

I think he would, he is a shining wit and a smart fella:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Even the other William is turning in his grave at the beauty and symmetry of it all.

---

Aw shucks Atheist, they say talent will always rise to the surface just like seagull guano. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Lovely Jocky, is that fine young man in your avatar you?

---

Unfortunately no. It is a very young Ewan MacGregor, although many wise ladies who know about these things say he looks very like me. :yesnod:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Brilliant !!!!!!
You guys are nothing….nothing but pure genius.



Gilliatt

---

More than you think. Paul has just produced a near perfect decima the only difference being he has produced an AABBCCDDEE as opposed to an ABBAACCDDC. This genre used to be widely used in Spain and is very popular among the Cuban and Peurto Rican Literatti. We have a literary gem on our little thread and we need to cherish and defer to him always. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I think he would, he is a shining wit and a smart fella:)

---

I hope his lovely wife Candy appreciates the nuances of the most vulgar of Spoonerisms. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Aw shucks Atheist, they say talent will always rise to the surface just like seagull guano. :)

---

Which in a delightful irony is the main ingredient of ANFO explosive.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

I hope his lovely wife Candy appreciates the nuances of the most vulgar of Spoonerisms. :D

---

You're kidding? His wife is honestly Candy?

You Gentlemen are too kind. I think as a group we should be able to come up with a fitting tribute to "Topaz" McGonnagall.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

No use crying over spilt milk,
But lethal weapons of that ilk,
Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
Or handled with the utmost care,
Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare.

---

Thou furry knave go sweep the floor
The Lucky Charms and grits du jour
Spotless I expect the floor to be
Or the contents of my locker you’ll never see.

Go now and empty my chamber pot
A loathsome task for thy male lot.
Let not a foul drop escape the rim
You'll scrub the floor with your gin.


.

Furry knave?:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Furry knave?:D

---

It works! This is all part of new poetry where iambic pentameter is the perfect medium for rap. Read it aloud in the new idiom and all will become muddy clear. The new Norton Anthology explains it all. Now I am off to book me and the wife's dream holiday, we depart on the 21st of December 2012. What could possibly go wrong?

Never mind the 1ambus, I shall wait for the 2am bus

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
And so her ego I shall give a boost.
But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
I snigger to myself for I still know,
That even as I clean I rule the show.
To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham,
With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
I know my place, it's she who only thinks.

---

Great prose and plan, without the worries and brainwork you'll live to be 100!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Brilliant !!!!!!
You guys are nothing….nothing but pure genius.

I know it's in you. Perhaps the governess, Edelweiss, a doe, a deer...

Please forgive me, I've had a little too much wine tonight.

Gilliatt

---

:smilielol5: Hum, I feel a full musical coming on here....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

No use crying over spilt milk,
But lethal weapons of that ilk,
Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
Or handled with the utmost care,
Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare.

---

:smilielol5: Beautiful!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Unfortunately no. It is a very young Ewan MacGregor, although many wise ladies who know about these things say he looks very like me. :yesnod:

---

Odd, I thought Ewan was shorter:sosp:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Atheist

You're kidding? His wife is honestly Candy?

---

I had a doll named Candy once: it was very pretty, wore a lovely party dress and kept its legs open:D

If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.

be that as it may

There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
went to the bar to feel lucky,
twas not to be,
he sits in the tree, not even
feeling plucky.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.

be that as it may

There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
went to the bar to feel lucky,
twas not to be,
he sits in the tree, not even
feeling plucky.

---

That will defenitely be used in our play, If our librettist Gilliatt agrees. It is just perfect for the comic relief during the interval when the audience retires to the bar. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Now I am off to book me and the wife's dream holiday, we depart on the 21st of December 2012. What could possibly go wrong?

---

Deja vu!

I just mentioned that very thing in another thread.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Never mind the 1ambus, I shall wait for the 2am bus

---

That's clever!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gbrekken

If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.

be that as it may

There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
went to the bar to feel lucky,
twas not to be,
he sits in the tree, not even
feeling plucky.

---

And that's brilliant.

It's coming together this play.

Good luck with the getaway Jocky. It snowed all day here, and now it's dropped to -7. Good job I'm from Yorkshire and was exposed on the slagheaps as a child to keep me tough.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

It's coming together this play.

Good luck with the getaway Jocky. It snowed all day here, and now it's dropped to -7. Good job I'm from Yorkshire and was exposed on the slagheaps as a child to keep me tough.

---

Mount Olympus is child's play compared to Whernside. The Yorkshire Gods are much tougher than these effete Greek thingy's. There is no way the sixth formers are going to mess with you. Ahem, it is -15 here, cough, splutter and so forth and we have no slagheaps to keep us warm.

Tragic news, England have just lost the third test match. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

That will defenitely be used in our play, If our librettist Gilliatt agrees. It is just perfect for the comic relief during the interval when the audience retires to the bar. :D

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paulclem

It's coming together this play.

Good luck with the getaway Jocky. It snowed all day here, and now it's dropped to -7. Good job I'm from Yorkshire and was exposed on the slagheaps as a child to keep me tough.

---

By all means Gilliatt agrees!
The "Flat Earth Poets Society" is poisitively astounded by gbrekken's contribution and hereby welomes him to the guild.
Atheist ??...Parker...??

By the way, if you gentlemen and lady will have me, then I would be honored to serve as our Christmas play librettist. As a matter of fact I was just now putting structure to our installments thus far, such as Acts, Scenes, setting descriptions, enters, exeunts, character descriptions, etc.

Enjoy the holiday Jocky.
Now back to my lab of insanity...

.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Ahem, it is -15 here, cough, splutter and so forth and we have no slagheaps to keep us warm.

---

That's a bit nippy.

I don't think it's ever been -15 anywhere in NZ that isn't at the top of a mountain.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jocky

Tragic news, England have just lost the third test match. :)

---

What? A Scotsman celebrating the demise of Sassenachs? Never!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

By all means Gilliatt agrees!
The "Flat Earth Poets Society" is poisitively astounded by gbrekken's contribution and hereby welomes him to the guild.
Atheist ??...Parker...??

---

No, I'm strictly apoetic. Ask me to write a couple of thousand words of prose or have a flame war and I'm your man. Poetry and me are like oil and water.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Atheist

. Poetry and me are like oil and water.

---

We await some iridescent verse.



Yep, Our National Cricket team once again leads the world in batting collapses. It appears that Mitchell Johnson is not a pommy-loving waster but a hero after all - until next time

Meanwhile,
Our bigfoot expedition is delayed
Not for logistical manouvering,
But while Jocky finishes the hoovering.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

We await some iridescent verse.

---

Incandescent would be closer to the mark; I do a good dirty limerick.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Yep, Our National Cricket team once again leads the world in batting collapses. It appears that Mitchell Johnson is not a pommy-loving waster but a hero after all - until next time

---

The press is the funniest thing. One win and England are the far better team, the odds on them winning all the remaining games shorten to stupid levels, and sure enough, lose the next.

At least your blokes do win a few - we are presently on an 11-game losing streak, which includes 4 in a row against Bangladesh.

In an effort not to break the world record and go earn the [rightful] place as the worst cricket team in the history of the game, I understand we're taking on St Cuthbert's Girls' 1st XI on Boxing Day.

The girls are at 3:1, a pretty good bet, in my opinion.

What do you N Zeds think of Sir Richard Hadlee. Is he revered in his own country as he is over here?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

What do you N Zeds think of Sir Richard Hadlee. Is he revered in his own country as he is over here?

---

Yes and no.

He's revered, and rightly so, for his cricket achievements, but as a person, he's a prize dick, which doesn't endear him to the troops. A good guide would be that many famous sportspeople make their way into politics as they have good recognition, which is all that's needed, really.

Hadlee wouldn't get voted dog-catcher.

Even his wife left him. For a woman....

That's about what I thought. He's one of those blokes who looks as though they've got halitosis. Greatest Cricketer of his day though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

That's about what I thought. He's one of those blokes who looks as though they've got halitosis.

---

Classic!

And spot on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Greatest Cricketer of his day though.

---

Yep, I don't think there's too much dissent there, only thanks to his career not overlapping Beefy greatly, though.

I still think he's the best cricketer I've seen, and by a good margin. His bowling average was fairly similar to Hadlee's, but Beefy could destroy you with bat or ball, or both!

Nice how they saved their best cricket for Australia! That's the sign of real class.

In his pomp I agree. The trouble with Beefy is he started with a bang, then drifted slowly downhill for a long long time.

Hadlee's only rival for Best All Rounder of his day, is Imran Khan, never a grafter, he always seemed to strike exactly when needed.

The best ever - Garfield Sobers? I never saw him myself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

In his pomp I agree. The trouble with Beefy is he started with a bang, then drifted slowly downhill for a long long time.

Hadlee's only rival for Best All Rounder of his day, is Imran Khan, never a grafter, he always seemed to strike exactly when needed.

The best ever - Garfield Sobers? I never saw him myself.

---

Statistically speaking it is the South African Jacques Kallis, but what do Scotsmen know about cricket, given our abysmal record ?