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My boyfriend and I had a little spat... It was my fault but I was really unreasonable at that time enough to say sorry right away or just talk to him some more, instead I signed out and diverted all calls and didn't reply... I cried that night and talked to bestfrined - someone whi I shall call Atchie. Well, Archie really helped me out but I couldn't sleep easy knowing that, he may not love me... So I e-mailed him and asked for an apology in the most indiscreet way I can muster and also saying that if ever he hated me or just wanted out.. He could just tell me and I' d stay away from him if he wanted me to- even though it's hard to think about and will certainly be harder to do. It's just like breaking out of a glass cage. You come out bleeding, howling in pain. But, I want to be in that box, and I was happy when we broke in it. He hugged me tight and we broke through together, we shared the pain and I mended his wounds and he mended mine and we stayed there. In our own lil' world. Free from any strife. I'd like to think that he can't go on without me, that life for him will be devastated but I have a nagging thought that says that if ever I was gone he'd flirt with some other girls from other girls whom I don't know... I've said my apologies yet he still hasn't replied. I may be unreasonable to think that our love dies in that instant where I said I love you and heard not an echo back... I just wished that I didn't wish to grant his wish to love me. I feel so heartbroken that this is the longest time we'd fought seriously over something so insignificant as the words " Bahala ka nga" .. Which I suppose, can be roughly translated as " It's your choice" or something like that- but still... I just can't help but feel bad everytimeI see him now. That everytime I pass by him my heart has love pangs and I feel terribly empty.

Should I keep myself hanging? Or should I just let go?

I'm hanging by a moment here with you,
I'm letting go of all I've held on to.
I'm standing here until you make me move,
Just hanging by a moment here with you.

And indeed I'm hanging- by this moment just hanging waitng expectantly for someone who may not come back... For someone I love to save me from this drowning feeling...

Yes, love is a messy thing... it's crazy but I'm crazy... I want to be in love and I hope our relationship of 2 years and 4 months does not end here...
I just hope it doesn't...