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slipee
02-14-2014, 08:54 AM
So quietly she’ll wait until she has a chance
to speak one tongue and be understood by all
Within distant minds engaged in silent chants
stowing away in the rhythms of beck and call
Held by her loving arms in her devoted dance
she promises to be by my side to catch the fall
I give in to her embrace so that I may advance
and slowly close in on the bright light down the hall

AuntShecky
02-14-2014, 06:24 PM
Your opening line is very good, but substitute "beck and call" for something more original.

Immemorial Joel
02-14-2014, 07:02 PM
Your opening line is very good, but substitute "beck and call" for something more original.

Sometimes the unoriginal, trite nature of an expression can help to bolster its power in certain contexts, lending a feeling of universality ("we all use the same hackneyed phrases for that which is grand and golden!").