The new

[MysteryGirl]

Moist


I walk into the room.

Dripping in silver.

Your eyes and.

my legs.

quiver.

[MysteryGirl]

Buffy

You look like somebody else’s property.

And goddamn, it’s hot tonight.

With an aching in my ****.

And cum stained liquor bottles.

I think I’ve had enough.

I think I’ve had enough.

[MysteryGirl]

Wrapped up in sweaty bedsheets

You broke me.

And shook me.

And I took it.

The storm.

But the wind was rough.

And the rain was tough.

It was just the thunder.

That I loved so goddamn much.

[MysteryGirl]

Breakfast


So what if we looked

better in High School

Doesn’t it count that

it’s over?

[MysteryGirl]

The LSD

F*ck cum dripping.

For stripping.

While sheet gripping.

Fantasies of schoolgirl whipping.

Because you’re nipping and

ripping.

I’m tripping.

[MysteryGirl]

Good MoUrning



It was goodnight.

He kissed my skin.

As though it were

the one I’m living in.

[MysteryGirl]

Clean

I feel a filth in my bones.

I’ve scrubbed to the hollow.

Until I’m clean again.

But the dirt found my jaundiced skin.

Again.

Like a trap, I bend and break.

And I make what I can make.

Of the heartache.

We give in to the silence.

The atmosphere shakes.

[MysteryGirl]

I feel stupid and contagious

I’m trapped.

I fill my soul up with water.

I submerge in the cold temperature.

My skin begins to prune, and the

room dims ever so slightly.

My lips separate and I draw in

a deep inhalation of water.

And as I drown,

I think of you.

[MysteryGirl]

See?

I caved.
A single relapse strike across my thighs — maybe a few.

And no one’s asked because I didn’t tell them to.
And if I had, it’d just be you.

So — as it is, we are alone in our silence.

And as the curtains draw, our darkness seeps in
again to find us empty.

[MysteryGirl]

Closing in



She lifted up a single red high heel,

and stomped me fourty times before,

I finally gave up.

If it had a sole(soul), I wouldn’t have

left so quickly.

[MysteryGirl]

Spark of Life

There’s something in the atmosphere.

While we’re surrounded by the lights

of the candles and just inhaled New York City.

Our love was made for this, and I

know within my soul that this

is all I ever wanted to be.

I’ve completed my life goal,

and I know I’ve died here,

looking in your arms and

laying in your eyes.

[MysteryGirl]

Funeral

I sung a song,

for the people I loved,

that, perhaps,

fell asleep

much too quickly.

[MysteryGirl]

Here we are again, suffering the loss of a lover.

Have we created barriers for ourselves in the form

of drunken bats and lost whispers?

Have we really engaged in the cliche or losing

what we love the most because of words left

unsaid?

No matter the amount of times we have seen the wind

and felt the thunder, the storm sounds

exactly the same.

[MysteryGirl]

I still can’t hear you

Tonight, I watched you.

I watched you watch an old episode

of I Love Lucy and cry like a baby.

With nothing related to the show,

you just needed some

background music.

[MysteryGirl]

A Whisper (Haiku)

The distance between

you and I.

[Hawkman]

Hello MysteryGirl. I've cast an eye over this thread and whereas you started out posting a series of lines terminating in full stops separated by double line spaces, your later poems at least flow better, though you still have an annoying tendency to give every line a double space. This does not enhance the reading of them. Also, you do still tend to misuse punctuation, which destroys what would otherwise be very good rhythm.

Take "Funeral". Too many commas. you certainly don't need one after song. You are also misusing the past participle of sing here. You could say, I'd sung a song, but without the auxiliary verb 'had' the past tense 'sang' is required.

Spark of Life has a similar problem with tenses.

"While we’re surrounded by the lights

of the candles and just inhaled New York City."

the underlined portion is in present continuous tense and the bold is in past tense. You could replace 'and' with 'having' and this would conform the tenses so that it is clear that you inhaled New York before you were surrounded by the candlelight. Alternatively put 'inhaled' in the present simple - inhale.

With the penultimate poem, I'm unsure of what the Drunken bats refer to. It's a nice image, but I can't relate it to a contextual meaning.

"...cliché or losing..." is this a typo for "of"?

In, I Still Can't Hear You, "With nothing related to the show" might be better as "It was unrelated..." However, it could be this is idiomatic usage, although it sounds odd to my ear. "cry like a baby" is rather clichéd though.

I don't dislike your poetry, you have good rhythm and an attractive economy of expression. A little attention to details like grammar and punctuation, together with weaning yourself off double spacing, would give the reader a treat.

Live and be well - H

[MysteryGirl]

Thank you, Hawkman.
The comments about the past and present tenses were very clear and I appreciate you pointing it out for me.

The others...
The reasoning for my double spaces is because I copy-and-pasted them from a place where I posted my poems and it added the double space in itself. The punctuation is because I wrote them and out anxiously and didn't quite edit them. It's weird, I didn't think that took away from it at all. I'm naturally a grammar and punctuation snob by default but I guess I didn't give these a once over.

Thanks again.

[MysteryGirl]

You

I’m wracking my brain.
Trying to come up with something beautiful.
And all I’ve been able to picture is your lips.
The way they opened and closed when we
did those things underneath sheets and New
York City’s sweat — or the sweat from our beer
cans. You made so many promises and you
kept them all. Leaving none unbroken.
And that was just the greatest thing that
anyone had ever done for me. We were
just done because snow had already fallen
and the lights had faded and maybe we were
closer than we’d wanted to be. Maybe we were
too much.

[Jerrybaldy]

I love the cynicism, eroticism, darkness and grittiness of your poetry.

[MysteryGirl]

Thank you so much.