Biggus
08-02-2013, 08:37 AM
ARE YOU WEARING DENIM?
Are you wearing denim?
I didn’t know you could still buy it
It’s just like I remember
And it still smells like ****
I PICKED UP A GIRL AND WENT BACK TO HERS
I picked up a girl and went back to hers
But I was struck by impotency
She was very understanding and said
“That used to happen to me”
WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SUGGESTED # 2
When my girlfriend suggested
We play hospitals
I thought phwor
But she gave me an enema
And now I don’t want
To play anymore
PICKUP # 7
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“There is something wrong
With my mobile phone miss”
You might well begin
“you’re not in my contacts list”
MY WIFE IS A JAILER
My wife is a jailer
And in a fit of passion
I made advances
To get my marital ration
In the ensuing melee
I became entangled
In her bunch of keys
As they dangled
I begged for assistance
But she just scoffed
And in the end
She just fobbed me off
/I LOST MY THESAURUS TODAY
I lost my thesaurus today
It was after the exam
I can’t find the words to describe
How upset I am
THIS MORNING’S BREAKFAST NEWS
This morning’s Breakfast News
Live from Downing Street
On the rolling news that never stops
I have learned in the last few minutes
That the Prime Minister had toast
While Nick Clegg had coca pops
MY DAD HAD TO HAVE HIS CAT PUT DOWN
My Dad had to have his cat put down
It was all terribly sad
He didn’t find that the lethal injection
Was all that bad
But what the vet said afterwards
Really upset my Dad
“That’s the first of the injections
Out of the way Mr Plaid
Only another eight to go”
Which was when Pop went mad
Are you wearing denim?
I didn’t know you could still buy it
It’s just like I remember
And it still smells like ****
I PICKED UP A GIRL AND WENT BACK TO HERS
I picked up a girl and went back to hers
But I was struck by impotency
She was very understanding and said
“That used to happen to me”
WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SUGGESTED # 2
When my girlfriend suggested
We play hospitals
I thought phwor
But she gave me an enema
And now I don’t want
To play anymore
PICKUP # 7
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“There is something wrong
With my mobile phone miss”
You might well begin
“you’re not in my contacts list”
MY WIFE IS A JAILER
My wife is a jailer
And in a fit of passion
I made advances
To get my marital ration
In the ensuing melee
I became entangled
In her bunch of keys
As they dangled
I begged for assistance
But she just scoffed
And in the end
She just fobbed me off
/I LOST MY THESAURUS TODAY
I lost my thesaurus today
It was after the exam
I can’t find the words to describe
How upset I am
THIS MORNING’S BREAKFAST NEWS
This morning’s Breakfast News
Live from Downing Street
On the rolling news that never stops
I have learned in the last few minutes
That the Prime Minister had toast
While Nick Clegg had coca pops
MY DAD HAD TO HAVE HIS CAT PUT DOWN
My Dad had to have his cat put down
It was all terribly sad
He didn’t find that the lethal injection
Was all that bad
But what the vet said afterwards
Really upset my Dad
“That’s the first of the injections
Out of the way Mr Plaid
Only another eight to go”
Which was when Pop went mad