Social Change.

[Delta40]

While Dad hammered steel
in his workshop,
an artist recorded a song.
While Mum ended a cycle
and hung it out to dry,
crowds gathered in a square.
While I skipped over cracks in the pavement,
walls tumbled down around me.

[Melanie]

I'm a metaphor fan so I appreciated your last two lines...excellent. I agree with you, Mums are now hammering steel in her workshop while Dads are doing the laundry these days. I'm still holding on to all things feminine while enjoying the view of men hammering in their workshop (thank you for that visual).

Women should work, as do I, but you won't find me picketing his workshop topless (as in "ban-the-bra) with a sign saying "women for hammering steel". If you catch me topless I'll be sunbathing poolside while the cabana-boy brings me ice-tea and Grecian sea-salt chocolates (okay now I'm dreaming). Guess that social wall has not tumbled yet, in my world anyway...but the walls are closing in. Enjoyed your poem. Well done.

[Hawkman]

Hi, Delta. I'm having a bit of difficulty with the first two words of this Poem. To what exactly does the hindsight refer? Hindsight implies realisation or revelation of the significance of an event after the fact. The way the opening sentence is worded it would appear that the artist composed his song as a result of your dad hammering steel in his workshop. If the hindsight is supposed to refer to all the subsequent actions then their significance is not revealed, they are merely listed events. There is no cause and effect, so any semiotic symbolism remains undefined. I would therefore suggest that either you remove the first line and leave the remaining images to speak for themselves, or define how hindsight affects the significance of the memories.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

We dont always realise social change is happening till long after the fact. Perhaps I could edit it.

[Silas Thorne]

I glanced at an early version of this, Delta, and think this edit makes it a little better. Of course this doesn't precisely say which social changes are happening, which is a good thing, as some things haven't changed so much. Life goes on. There are always cracks in the pavement, yes.
'Ended a cycle' is an excellent phrase to use, and it has so many different meanings in the context of this poem.

[Delta40]

Thanks Silas. On second reading, it's full of flaws but as usual I wrote it on the spur of the moment. Perhaps the first line should have read:

While Grandad hammered steel along the tracks

[Jerrybaldy]

Signature Delta poem ( a good thing) :) Was the artist Bob?