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View Full Version : work in progress. opinions?


rollo
03-02-2013, 10:04 AM
deleted
jayat
03-02-2013, 01:51 PM
At least it's quite short.
Charles Darnay
03-02-2013, 04:33 PM
The first paragraph is just a poorly written cliché, and can probably be cut. There are a few decent lines towards the end (in the last section) - but if you are going to have us believe that Jack could be so nonchalant about a dead body, you have to give us more reason to do so.