work in progress. opinions?

[rollo]

deleted

[jayat]

At least it's quite short.

[Charles Darnay]

The first paragraph is just a poorly written cliché, and can probably be cut. There are a few decent lines towards the end (in the last section) - but if you are going to have us believe that Jack could be so nonchalant about a dead body, you have to give us more reason to do so.