A poem about my suffering with bpd

[scrotera777]

A over analytic philosopher
thoughts control yet denied
like jeckyl and hyde
one cant forever keep this burning rage inside
nothing to hide
yet full of deceit
an paradox of paradoxes that make even the most floatable devices SINK
An open mind?
A caring heart?
A filthy mouth?
Agony of the mind!
Agony of the heart!
Agony of words!
WHERE TO START?
A nine year old boy
beside himself with joy
The birth of tragedy was soon to come
which would eventually set up his desmise to kingdom come
A breach of trust
THROUGH SEX, VIOLENCE AND REJECTION
simply because of LUST?
I SENTENCE THE WHORE BACK TO ASHES AND DUST!

DISTRUST? MISTRUST ? CYNICISM? OR SIMPLY FAR BEYOND ****ED?

TO RECONSTRUCT ONE MUST FIRST FULLY DESTRUCT!!
A VINDICTIVE,ILL TEMPERED BUT TOUCHY BOY
SET HIMSELF ON A PATH THATS NOR TWISTING OR STRAIGHT?
JUST LIKE ALEXANDER THE GREAT HE KEEPS A TRANSIENT STATE?

Astral projection gives himself a now accurate perception
To have faith that is constantly undermined
just to simply take a load of his fragile,tramautized mind
Self Defeating all caused by non stop lustful sickened cheating

self-contradicting and often self hating
Watching and waiting..always in SILENCE!
HE’S HAD ENOUGH HE WANTS WHAT’S HIS?
FREE ME NOW AND HELP ME GET OVER THIS!!!!

[Pete Ak]

If you've accepted the medical interpretation of your state of mind you're on the wrong path to redemption Scrotera. I'm going to respond to the plea in your last verse rather than review the poem; to be honest I think if you sort your head out your poetry will improve.
Your state of mind is your responsibility as is your poetry. As long as you shift that responsibility you'll be fighting demons forever - but they are your demons, nobody else can fight them for you. There'll be work involved in learning to accept yourself and getting rid of your angst and poetry can be a great help in that. I'd encourage you to challenge yourself to write more positively, be more involved with people even on sites like this - it isn't a place for you to spew your toxicity onto others, it's a place to share and commune. I fear you're going to flood the board with your woes which will result in members losing patience with you, then when that is evidenced, you can turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy - proof (for you that is) that the world really is against you.
You'd be surprised how many people overcome childhood trauma positively and constructively - we don't hear about them of course because they just get on with life, struggling sometimes but, at the the very least, they bring themselves to the table of their salvation looking for ways to improve themselves rather than showering others with their bile.
Your insight is a good place to start, good luck on your journey, fellow poet but be reassured you don't have to travel alone, if you do it's your choice.

[hillwalker]

This is actually better than your first posting, but it's so over-the-top that after a while the reader is going to get desensitized. It all begins to sound the same - self-pitying anger with no room for the uninvolved reader to engage with the writer.

I'd also seriously advise you to stop CAPITALISING. It doesn't make those lines any more effective. It just looks like a stroppy teenager having an on-line tantrum.

H

[Pete Ak]

As Hillwalker suggested in your last posting, capitalization doesn't work for the reader in the same way as it does for the writer. One way you could begin to engage with people on here is to hearken to their advice.