These Who Learn; These Who Burn

[The Inkwell]

These are the children who learn
these are the ones who yearn


for wisdom
for power
for wealth


for mother
for father
for self


These are the children who burn
these are the ones who turn


from wisdom
from power
from wealth


from mother
from father
from self

[Jack of Hearts]

There's nothing descriptive in this poem. Is it saying there's a dichotomy between 'the children who learn' and 'the children who burn'? Is it saying they're (paradoxically) the same children? Wtf are the children? There's not even enough here to make a meaningful guess.

'these are the ones who turn' is the best line, only because of the 'turn' from the word 'for' in the second and third stanzas to the word 'from' in the forth and fifth stanzas.

Unfortunately, a heavy handed format based on repetition trumped meaning, description and emotion in this one.







J

[blazeofglory]

There's nothing descriptive in this poem. Is it saying there's a dichotomy between 'the children who learn' and 'the children who burn'? Is it saying they're (paradoxically) the same children? Wtf are the children? There's not even enough here to make a meaningful guess.

'these are the ones who turn' is the best line, only because of the 'turn' from the word 'for' in the second and third stanzas to the word 'from' in the forth and fifth stanzas.

Unfortunately, a heavy handed format based on repetition trumped meaning, description and emotion in this one.







J

Maybe the beauty of it is in being in-descriptive.

[hillwalker]

Another writer intent on rhyming - it sounds ok when read out loud, even profound on the surface, but deep down it says absolutely nothing.

H

[AuntShecky]

I do like the form and rhyme scheme in this-- but as other repliers have pointed out, it could use more specific imagery. As aspiring writers, we're often warned to avoid abstractions: "wealth," "power," etc.

[aliengirl]

Hi Inkwell,
Your poem left me wondering who are 'these children'? Are both set of 'these children' same? The form looks good but sadly it reads like an incomplete poem. Maybe you'd like to review it to convey something meaningful.