His date

[hngyhngyhppo]

Jake, a tall rather lanky fellow with the short jersey cut, told me about the date he had last Friday. She was a seven solid. Mandy, the burrista from Starcups, short five threer' with the black roots blonde hair, b-cups, cute end, and unfortunately a little nasally voice. From his account it went rather well. No he didn't close the deal but says that one more night like that and he will.

He set it up right an afternoon date so he could cover a lot of ground before the dinner and drinks. He took her to Lunch over at Louie's diner. They met there, no gifts awkward hellos but giggles ripping on a few diners and the waiter with that punk hair-do and obnoxious bow-tie. A few minutes of ice-break chit-chat over the menus and a well timed compliment saved him from the emergency call. Reading that she wanted the sirloin sammy with onions but ordered the chicken fingers and fries, well he ordered what she wanted offered he a taste and closed on of the intimacy gaps by feeding her he didn't spill any swears he gave of that tender caring vibe. When he finished though he made sure to offer her a mint did it so casually that she didn't suspect an alter motive, when he took one to rid himself of onion breath. The check was about to come he challenged her to the a game of frogger at the arcade across the street.

Now arcades aren't classy or altogether romantic but he could move in that personal zone huddled over an arcade unit and he did. No just hand on waist. He dropped about 30 bucks in tokens and got through about two hours. Then letting her know that he had to be somewhere for a friend feinted that the date was over. He got a read that she was a little sad unhappy disappointed or something. Hey you could come with me it won't take me that long just got to move some stuff and help him clean. You don't have to stay but its a bit out of the way and I'd enjoy the company. She offered to drive him. Perfect. I think he worked a little to hard in the car making goofy dance moves and giving directions at the same time, that is just my take. She hung out for a few minutes there then got bored and left. I think he did it well, he said his good bye ….. counted to ten.... got a turn back didn't look... then counted to ten...breath.. ran out to her car and caught her between the seat and door. He got that gasp from her and her eyes got a little wider. Smile coy, hey I had a real nice time. Yeah it was fun. How about a proper date next time I'll even dress up if you want bow-tie and all. -Laughs together- Drive Safe okay. She started the lean in and he lead her by taking her hand in his. A nice kiss right on her Kay. The man has timing now if only he had style.

- Thank you for reading this now please go back to my facebook post and vote on which one you like the best and yes you can vote twice if you really want.

[Steven Hunley]

Neither gets my vote and here's why. There are too many errors. This needs proof reading. A successful story needs to be clear. It also needs proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. These three elements help make it clear, as most English readers are aware of these rules and know how they work.

So either you don't know the rules, or you haven't proof-read what you've written. A suggestion. You're obviously trying to pattern everyday speech here, but it isn't as easy as it literally 'sounds'.

You write a piece, the words come out of you like a new-born baby comes out of a new mother. You love them no matter what they look like. Your readers don't. It's not their baby!

You know what you mean and how you meant to say it. If you proof read it yourself, there will still be mistakes, missing words, repeated words, etc. Your brain knows what you meant to say and fills in the blanks or ignores the mistakes. Instead, have someone else read it. They'll see the mistakes.

If you have the desire to write, then go ahead, but get serious about it. Do your homework. Convince the world you're familar with the rules before you break them.

I thought at first this was an anomoly, a fluke, a mistake, until I went to your page and saw your other posts. Same type of mistakes, missing words, bad syntax, misspells, and mistakes too many and varied to analyse. Like "short five threer' " I understand " a short five-threer " and that's cute and all, but I shouldn't have to translate what I think you meant and no reader should. See a word Dr. and get these fixed right away.

So no, not my favorite, and not the other one too. So much for face-book anyway, it's much too pervasive to deal with.