Biggus
05-22-2012, 03:49 AM
SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 11
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working as an un-packer
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the workers
When it says Extricate, Extricate
MATERNAL QUALIFICATIONS
Mum should be a parole officer
Because in her defence
With her around
No one finishes a sentence
FROZEN WINDOWS
Bimbette texted Peaches "Windows
@ home, frozen - what should I do?"
Peaches texted back “use some de-icer
Or boiling water will probably do”
Bimbette “OK, computer went bang
And lights have fused too"
CAR DEAL
After passing his driving test, a teenage boy,
Asked his Dad if he would buy him a car
Dad thought about it for a while and replied
“If you do better at school than you have so far,
Go to church every Sunday without fail
And get a haircut. I will buy you a car”
After a few months had passed the boy
Asked his Dad if he would buy him a car
Dad thought about it for a while and replied
“Well you have improved at school by far
And you’ve gone to church every Sunday
But you still need a hair cut, so no car”
The boy replied, “Since going to church
I have learned a very great deal so far
Samson, John the Baptist, Moses and Jesus
All had long hair, so we are on a par"
Dad smiled and said, “They may all have had
Long hair but none of them had a car”
THE END OF ROMANCE
I knew the very moment that
The romance had died, it was after
I drank from my wife’s slipper
And almost choked on a corn plaster
SENIOR REVELATION
One day you look in the mirror
And beneath the lathers
You realize that the face
You are shaving is your fathers
THE SECRET TO LONG LIFE
Rather than eating chicken soup
Just laugh a little every day
It’s much more beneficial
Well that’s what the chickens say
SEND FOR THE UNDERTAKER
Oh God I feel so old
Just send for the undertaker
I’ve started making the same noises
As my coffee maker
SHOPPING ENCOUNTER
Their eyes met at the supermarket
She clearly recognized him
But he was drawing a blank
So a smile was exchanged between them
She decided to break the ice
And pleasantly, said "Hello!"
She obviously knew him
She was a stranger to him though
So he asked, "Do you know me?
You do look familiar” he lied
"I think you're the father
Of one of my kids." She replied,
“Are you the drunken cheerleader?
I shagged under the bleachers’”
She gave him a look and said
“No, I'm one of your son's teachers"
BIG BONED
No you don’t have “big bones”
That belief is mere folly
Let’s face it you’re just fat
It’s a shame you’re not jolly
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working as an un-packer
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the workers
When it says Extricate, Extricate
MATERNAL QUALIFICATIONS
Mum should be a parole officer
Because in her defence
With her around
No one finishes a sentence
FROZEN WINDOWS
Bimbette texted Peaches "Windows
@ home, frozen - what should I do?"
Peaches texted back “use some de-icer
Or boiling water will probably do”
Bimbette “OK, computer went bang
And lights have fused too"
CAR DEAL
After passing his driving test, a teenage boy,
Asked his Dad if he would buy him a car
Dad thought about it for a while and replied
“If you do better at school than you have so far,
Go to church every Sunday without fail
And get a haircut. I will buy you a car”
After a few months had passed the boy
Asked his Dad if he would buy him a car
Dad thought about it for a while and replied
“Well you have improved at school by far
And you’ve gone to church every Sunday
But you still need a hair cut, so no car”
The boy replied, “Since going to church
I have learned a very great deal so far
Samson, John the Baptist, Moses and Jesus
All had long hair, so we are on a par"
Dad smiled and said, “They may all have had
Long hair but none of them had a car”
THE END OF ROMANCE
I knew the very moment that
The romance had died, it was after
I drank from my wife’s slipper
And almost choked on a corn plaster
SENIOR REVELATION
One day you look in the mirror
And beneath the lathers
You realize that the face
You are shaving is your fathers
THE SECRET TO LONG LIFE
Rather than eating chicken soup
Just laugh a little every day
It’s much more beneficial
Well that’s what the chickens say
SEND FOR THE UNDERTAKER
Oh God I feel so old
Just send for the undertaker
I’ve started making the same noises
As my coffee maker
SHOPPING ENCOUNTER
Their eyes met at the supermarket
She clearly recognized him
But he was drawing a blank
So a smile was exchanged between them
She decided to break the ice
And pleasantly, said "Hello!"
She obviously knew him
She was a stranger to him though
So he asked, "Do you know me?
You do look familiar” he lied
"I think you're the father
Of one of my kids." She replied,
“Are you the drunken cheerleader?
I shagged under the bleachers’”
She gave him a look and said
“No, I'm one of your son's teachers"
BIG BONED
No you don’t have “big bones”
That belief is mere folly
Let’s face it you’re just fat
It’s a shame you’re not jolly