Two Meals A Day

[ShadowsCool]

Two Meals A Day

Land of the free
Her statue of liberty
Ripped from her foundation;
Land of the free
A fallacy!

Men leave your stations.
Drop your arms,
Tear down these walls!
The moss has grown
Thick with steely policy;
A Separation of sea to shining sea.

These sorrowful days
Of these United States -
A symbol for fools;
She's been gutted
And left to render,
To sunder in the western sun.

Two meals a day
For a prisoners foray,
Land of the free!
Yay fools
Believe at your peril.

In jest I speak surely,
At my address the criminals
Come to arrest me;
These judges inform me
I am guilty,
Like England deserted its
Lord Byron.

The bards and the historians
Who they shall demonize;
No man should be under country
Who just wants to be free.

The statue of liberty
The symbol of old,
Welcome in the cold
New reality,
These United States of
Plurality,
No more!






Stumbling Drunk

Stumbling drunk?
Though I only have partial knowledge,
I was fixated on finding your face,
A target through the door,
And what ran up and down your face,
A displeasure all the more.

I shook and shivered from the cold,
Your arms held out against the frame
of the brass door and me getting in,
"Where were you?" steamed breath
wrung out:
"Umm nowhere special", I uttered
As I fell inside to face the wrath of warmth.

[Buh4Bee]

I won't comment on the first, but I think the second one is very good. The humor made me laugh out loud.

[ShadowsCool]

I won't comment on the first, but I think the second one is very good. The humor made me laugh out loud.

Well the first is kinda rash. I mean put together in a spirit of rage. So It's kinda rough and I think it's crap. Probably should keep it under wraps. Yeah the second is kinda what I remember happened one day. Thanks for commenting. :)

[cacian]

ShadowCool your two poems are amasing!!
I am detecting upset over the first one..

the second piece is too funny..LOL

I was fixated on finding your face,
A target through the door,
And what ran up and down your face,
A displeasure all the more

These lines are just a scream:lol:

Thank you for a lovely read!

[Alexander III]

I liked the byron reference in the first one, and tough I agree with it's general theme - you are not saying anything new, The same was said in the mid 19th century onwards - and the way you say it is not new either. I don't see any originality.

[ShadowsCool]

ShadowCool your two poems are amasing!!
I am detecting upset over the first one..

the second piece is too funny..LOL

I was fixated on finding your face,
A target through the door,
And what ran up and down your face,
A displeasure all the more

These lines are just a scream:lol:

Thank you for a lovely read!

Thanks cacian! :)

[ShadowsCool]

I liked the byron reference in the first one, and tough I agree with it's general theme - you are not saying anything new, The same was said in the mid 19th century onwards - and the way you say it is not new either. I don't see any originality.

Okay, so what's the point in writing? If everything must be fresh and original as you say. So what's the goal of a writer? To convey a thought fresh and original? I follow that. To dismiss something saying "it's not original" is dab. I'd rather hear, it's not good. Which I think is what you were saying anyway. Which brings me to the point, why bother? I think it's very original, though, if you read my own comments, "is not very good".

It's a rage piece, done in haste. Why not sit back and enjoy poetry for what it is. A freedom of expression done in an expressive manner. And not say it's not original, cause it is original, though not very good I admit.

It's actually a private piece that I wrote commenting on the current state of affairs in these United States. Though I let my emotions get the best of me, the general theme was met. The story is true. It's about a prisoner I know right now who's getting 2 meals a day. And though some may agree with that, I don't. A country can't say Liberty and then on the other hand have 2 meals a day. It just don't match the rhetoric.

And that's why I wrote the piece, because as imperfect as it is, it matches the justice system which is also antiquated and imperfect. The person I speak of is actually innocent. Yet lays in prison because a judge, who wanted to score political brownie points put him away under pressure. Hence the outrage.

[Alexander III]

Okay, so what's the point in writing? If everything must be fresh and original as you say. So what's the goal of a writer? To convey a thought fresh and original? I follow that. To dismiss something saying "it's not original" is dab. I'd rather hear, it's not good. Which I think is what you were saying anyway. Which brings me to the point, why bother? I think it's very original, though, if you read my own comments, "is not very good". It's a rage piece, done in haste. Why not sit back and enjoy poetry for what it is. A freedom of expression done in an expressive manner. And not say it's not original, cause it is original, though not very good I admit.

It's actually a private piece that I wrote commenting on the current state of affairs in these United States. Though I let my emotions get the best of me, the general theme was met. The story is true. It's about a prisoner I know right now who's getting 2 meals a day. And though some may agree with that, I don't. A country can't say Liberty and then on the other hand have 2 meals a day. It just don't match the rhetoric.

And that's why I wrote the piece, because as imperfect as it is, it matches the justice system which is also antiquated and imperfect. The person I speak of is actually innocent. Yet lays in prison because a judge, who wanted to score political brownie points, put him away under pressure. Hence the outrage.

Its private, thats fine and dandy. You post it online, it becomes public, and I give my opinion of it as a poem. I was not saying anything about you and sorry if you think I insulted you, I mean you no ill. Just being honest.

With poetry you really only have to options

1) say something new

2) say something old but in a beautifull and unique way

Now you did not say anything new, we can agree on that. And I think you did not say it in a new beautifull way, just the old way.

Truth is, if you don't want to find out that your poem is bad, don't share it with strangers, just give it to your friends who will say you are a genius irelevant of what you write.

Or you could take my critique learn from it and become better.

As it stands the poem is boring, because it says nothing new, and it says the old in an old way. Try re-writing it, but in a different way, put somethign of yourself in it, because as it stands, it is one big old cliche which could have been written by any mediocre poet in history.

[ShadowsCool]

Its private, thats fine and dandy. You post it online, it becomes public, and I give my opinion of it as a poem. I was not saying anything about you and sorry if you think I insulted you, I mean you no ill. Just being honest.

With poetry you really only have to options

1) say something new

2) say something old but in a beautifull and unique way

Now you did not say anything new, we can agree on that. And I think you did not say it in a new beautifull way, just the old way.

Truth is, if you don't want to find out that your poem is bad, don't share it with strangers, just give it to your friends who will say you are a genius irelevant of what you write.

Or you could take my critique learn from it and become better.

As it stands the poem is boring, because it says nothing new, and it says the old in an old way. Try re-writing it, but in a different way, put somethign of yourself in it, because as it stands, it is one big old cliche which could have been written by any mediocre poet in history.

I agree I agree. My point was I did put it out and I did say it was not very good. So we agree. Can everything a writer write be good? Nonsense! I write the good with the bad. The bad I try to keep under wraps. However, I felt compelled to bring this piece to light, given the subject matter. It wasn't meant to be anything more than a comment on society and the hypocrisy that goes along with it. I am not offended in any way, shape or form. :)