The Foolish Person

[BookBeauty]

Epiphanies don't happen like they do in the movies.

If it happens at all, it's grudgingly. And even then... At first, it often only gets halfway. It's like reaching into a pool to grab something that fell into the water, and then realizing you'd have to dive in to fetch it out. Maybe they'll start looking for a net, or a tree branch to get to it. Most people just give up halfway. Who cares what's in the water anyway?

Lucy was a natural fish. She wasn't just reaching into the water; she was constantly submerged. Many have told me, on the one hand, that being so receptive to new experiences is the only way to grow, meanwhile searching for that branch with the other hand.

But, regardless of right and wrong, she was trying to find epiphanies in everyday conversation, and even in the most mundane tasks.

Every piece was a puzzle for her to solve, and every day was a new way to look at the world. Maybe she watched way too many chick flicks, and they stuck with her. Or maybe it was her natural curiosity, and that drive to learn. However she came to be this way, it left her with two very significant character flaws.

One was simply a trusting nature. It came naturally to her, and was a part of her instincts.

On one occasion, she had been on her way home from work. It was by the outskirts of the city, and the rain had been pouring so hard that her uniform clung to her beneath her black wool coat, like a paper towel drenched in water.

It didn't take long before a Taxi van pulled up beside her, and an old, grizzly-looking man with a heavy-set frame slung open the passenger door and asked her where she was going. When she told him, he offered to drive her.

''That's very nice of you, but I don't have any money,'' she replied. He smiled, and shook his head. ''It's on me,'' he said. A person who is not foolish would thank them for their time, and continue walking, meanwhile clutching a cell phone in one hand, prepared for the worst.

But, not Lucy. It took her only a moment to decide that the water was too wet, and this was a nice man. He drove her home, all right. They didn't say much in the car. But, one thing stuck out.

''It's really so nice of you to be driving me home for free,''

''Well, I saw ya walkin' out in the rain, and, well... We've got to look after each other, y'know?''

Smiling from ear to ear as she recalled the tale, eyes glowing and moist, she admitted, in retrospect, that it had been foolish to accept that ride. My mouth agape, I made her promise me that she would never accept such an offer again. She was damned naive, but even more than that, damned lucky.

It took a while for me to realize the other flaw. It's the sort of thing you don't really notice unless you spend time with someone and see the way they are with other people. For Lucy, it was the way she simply blended in. I think she wanted to be accepted so badly that she just blanked when it came to who she really was.

Maybe more than that, she didn't want to admit that she was wrong. She would accept that other people were right before she let herself form an opinion. I think she could have made a good ol' fashioned phony psychic. Not really. Not Lucy. She couldn't lie even if she wanted to.

But, she could pretend.

[cafolini]

“Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?”
Maurice Freehill quotes

[BookBeauty]

Thank you. I think that quote captures the mood and thoughts behind my writing quite aptly. :) I also quite enjoyed the quote by itself.

[hillwalker]

Interesting - I’m not sure whether there’s more to this story hidden away behind Lucy’s behaviour – you describe how she had a lucky escape by taking up the offer of a ride from a stranger, and also how she pretends…

Does that mean something sinister happened to her after the ride but she’s blanking it from her mind?

If so it’s quite a subtly drawn psychological vignette. If not, it’s as if the story is incomplete. We’re left wondering why you have told us so much about Lucy for little if any purpose. It’s a portrait but nothing more.

I also spotted a couple of grammatical hiccups:

If they happen at all, it's usually done so grudgingly. doesn’t read correctly because you’ve changed from a plural ‘they’ to a singular ‘it’ – also ‘happen’ and ‘done’ seem to clash with each other.

Perhaps ‘Whenever they’re given, they’re given grudgingly’ makes more sense.

and

It took awhile for me to realize that she had another flaw at all.
‘awhile’ should be ‘a while’ (you also use ‘apart’ for ‘a part’ elsewhere) - and I think you mean ‘as well’ rather than ‘at all’.
‘
at all’ is generally used to reinforce a negative statement – e.g. ‘I don’t listen to opera at all’

H

[BookBeauty]

Thanks again, HW, for your keen insights.

When I had written, 'at all', it made sense in my head... I can see now that it fails to capture the tone that I was looking for, and serves only to distract and detract.

I have also tried to correct the other errors.

As for the story itself... Well, this is really just practice. I have no idea where it's going. I've just been needing to write, so I have just been attempting short stories to start off with instead of aiming too high and diving head-long into a novel, or even just a long story. I've realized that my ideas sometimes can't follow through, because they're not realistic.

I have a very disorganized brain, with tons of ideas bouncing around, and I've been trying to learn how to refine them. I think maybe another issue is capturing the right idea.

When it comes to writing in general, the easiest part is the start, for me. Or it seems that way at the moment. Middle and ending seem to be lacking. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. :) Not just on this piece, but... :biggrinjester:

[hillwalker]

The only tip is - try to write something every day (no matter whether it's good or bad). Clearing the 'trash' from the subconscious makes way for new material to emerge, and the more you write the more your pieces will seem to write themselves.

There's nothing wrong with false starts - it's funny how you discover a fitting ending days later (perhaps when you're doing something completely unrelated to writing). Your mind never stops going over what you've written - trust your subconscious to do the research then just take notes when the message filters through to your brain.

H