A love story

[bhaskar]

It was a stormy night. Mohan and priya were in the bed room of Mohan. Mohan's parents were not present there. Mohan was lying in the bed and Priya was beside him. both were kissing each other. Priyabecame impatient. She saidtoMohan," When are you going to marry me?"

Mohan:"When I will geta job , I must not make delay to marry you"

Priya:"If you don't find a job,thrn...."

Mohan:"Doyou think I am worthless?"

Priya:' However, I cann't wait more."

Mohan:"If you cann't wait, it is better to forget me."

Priya:'Yes, I will do."

Priya started to look whether the sky was cleared or not. After some time she left Mohan and went to her house. On that night she went to the bed quickly and while she was lying in the bed ,she started to think what to do now. She decided that if she would wait for Mohan, it might be late for her, So, it was better for her to forget Mohan and search a new established partner. Mohan lost his heart. Priya easily found a suitable partner to marrry.

On the day of her marriage, Mohan did not forget to send her a gift.

[hillwalker]

This is such a flimsy story it almost blew away. It's not even a story because nothing happens. A man and a woman decide to end a relationship and the man marries someone else... and that's it.

You begin by making the same mistake thousands of apriring writers make, opening their story with a description of the weather. Why do we need to know this? It has no bearing on the plot.

I did chuckle when you explained that his parents were not in his bedroom while he was in bed with his girlfriend. Why on earth should they be there?

I think you probably began to write this story but got tired rather quickly and decided to cut it short. This is really only a summary of an idea for a story - and not a particularly interesting one. It needs a great deal more work if we are to care about what happens to either character.

H

[Bluehound]

The best bit about this story is the last line, it's slightly sinister, maybe the story starts there?

[Delta40]

We need to know more about the characters of Mohan and Priya. Where did they meet? Where is the setting of this story? Is their being together so intimately before marriage taboo? How does Priya's decision to end their relationship affect Mohan? There are alot of questions the reader would want to know in this story and you could expand greatly on this. Readers want to understand and empathize with the characters and the best way to do that is to write about them whereas you've only given us two names so far.

good luck.

[AuntShecky]

You begin by making the same mistake thousands of apriring writers make, opening their story with a description of the weather. Why do we need to know this? It has no bearing on the plot.






For the most part, Hill is right; however, there are instances in which opening with a brief description of the weather can help establish setting. There are even stories in which the weather is a character-- for instance, "Silent Snow,Secret Snow" by Conrad Aiken.

As always, the trick is not in the "what" but the "how." Never, ever begin a story with "It was a stormy night." The line "It was a dark and story night" is not only a cliché, it also brought notoriety to its original author,Bulwer-Lytton, the namesake of a popular writing contest (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) -- in which the prize goes to the worst opening line.

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2011.htm