The Innocuous Past

[Tashkeelahmed]

Sometimes in my dream
I recall and I beam
On the childhood that I had
With a quill and a pad
Devoid of worries
Spent under trees
Drawing content faces
Planning to win races
When the gravest issues were
Passing ordinary tests
And the greatest pleasures
Winning game quests
But alas! Nothing remains forever
Things change like weather
Now with every thing going past
Seems like I move so fast
On this life path I started
My journey without a single worry
That eventually turned into a melancholy
I want to return to the innocuous past
Which unfortunately no more lasts!

[Charles Darnay]

The overall content is good for what it is, a nostalgic longing. However the forced rhymes (half-rhymes in certain lines) takes away from the enjoyment of the piece. Try reading it aloud and you might find where it stumbles.

[Buh4Bee]

This seems like a first draft with some clique lines and a few poor rhyme schemes. I like the coming of age theme, though. I'd try to rework it some more.

[cafolini]

Perhaps this is a thought theme and you need not to work it into a poem forcefully.

[hillwalker]

I gave up after the second line. It seems you allowed a need for rhyme to undermine your attempt to say something that makes sense. My advice - try again, but ditch the rhyming dictionary.

H