Love's cradle

[Noreen]

Love’s Cradle

In safe haven of loves cradle
She floats on clouds of fantasy
Unwrapping the hood of parables
Destined to play loves game

Fear of hurt
She turns away
Timely, from this loves play

Validating such emotions
She flies her wings of new hope
Back to the world of ecstasy
In love’s cradle she rocks


{edit}

[Noreen]

Deep desirable you
Sweet whispers of two
This courtship dance
Reserved just for you

As fantasies unfold
These pleasures twofold
Mourns to every rhythm
That satisfies this symptom

Inspired by the artist within
Let the art of love making begin
In the hands of this contender
Where one surrenders!

[Jack of Hearts]

For poem one:

Stanza one, lines one and four need an aprostrophe on the noun "love" to show possession (you wrote "loves" where it should read "love's").

Poem two uses questionable diction- "mourn" and "symptom" seem to be not very good word choices. They stand out in a bad way.

Wanting to write poetry is such a good thing. And having the courage to share is fantastic. You should read a little bit of contemporary poetry- seek out what speaks to you, learn why it does and master it. Begin mastering the expression of yourself and the words will come alive.







J

[natroyce]

I enjoyed both poems, but the second one I found more honest and courageous

[hillwalker]

There's so much poetry written about love - and so much of it is truly dreadful.

Your first poem has its merits - I'm not sure what the 'hood of parables' signifies (I'll keep an open mind) - but I found the closing phrase 'she rocks' inappropriate. From being in a gentle, soothing place we suddenly find ourselves in a Bon Jovi song (because, of course, the phrase has 2 meanings).

The second poem - Jack has already said much of what I would have said. Overall I found it rather a cold, clinical analysis of love making rather than perhaps what you had in mind - an affirmation of mutual pleasure. The closing verse in particular is quite weak - much too prosaic (regardless of the clumsy rhyme). It reads more like an invitation to a wrestling bout than to an act of love.

H