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masonblake
11-10-2011, 04:54 PM
At five minutes to midnight, the city prepares for sleep.
After a tiresome day,
the dust settles back onto the train tracks.
A solitary rat devours the last remnants of life
with gusto.
The ethereal light which fed,
is enveloped by a sickening cloud,stealing breath from babes
who refuse the breast.
A ginger tom, stalks blind mice.
A smokey musical haze emits from a jazz club.
The Monk's slender fingers augment the sound.
Discarded food cartons find their way home.
An ostracised smoker leans thankfully on a concrete post,
begging to be understood.
The whore beside the rent boy, sighs through lack of business.
Her dealer caresses the blade pushed deep into his sleeve.
Drunk youths spill out of pubs, begging for a scrap.
Burberry cap and K-Swiss -a badge of honour-
singles them out from the crowd.
Taxi drivers, tap on dashboards, eager for a fare.
Their wives otherwise engaged, with a provocative lingerie party,
or perhaps an affair with a neighbour, who borrowed the lawnmower.
The bus driver negotiates the final corner.
Preparing for his last repetition.
Plastic chicken soup cups rain down at his feet.
Police clamber closer, like bowling pins, anticipating a strike.
With furrowed brows, and infected toes, they stand in line.
The stench of Sarsons lingers on their fingers.
Blended together with runny yolk, chilli sauce, and pita bread on the side.
Remnants of the all night cafe.
A distant scream, a vixen mating?
Her emaciated partner eager to return.
The allure of greasy, gravy coated metal proves irresistible.
Susceptible girls, in micro minis, hair brilliantly bleached,
clamour for attention.
Lipstick smeared by apple cider and back alley blowjobs.
Neon colours flicker and fade, as shutters roll.
The gypsy flaunts the crowd with plastic roses.
Her curses audible over the darkening clamour.
The date is about to change.
At five minutes to midnight.

Jack of Hearts
11-13-2011, 01:57 AM
After having poked at this three different times this week, this reader is convinced it needs whittling. There is just too much imagery and it doesn't seem to be significantly related. The excess is at the expense of quality. If you really have something to say about whatever's happening at five minutes to midnight, it's mostly lost in the wash of this.

But some of the images were interesting, admittedly. And it's greatly admirable that you haven't tried to shove a moral down the reader's throats- so this reader thinks you're on to something, if you could just hone in and decide what's most important.





J

hillwalker
11-13-2011, 07:16 AM
I agree with Jack - you've thrown rather too much into this and I found it read like an over-written piece of prose (admittedly cut up into poem sized lines). It needs tightening, and even then it might work better as a passage of prose than poetry.

H

Jerrybaldy
11-16-2011, 04:49 AM
I have to agree that it could do with some whittling as Jack put it, but my over riding thought is that I LOVED it. the dark descriptive imagery is right up my street. The fine details like the stench of sarsons on fingers, the references to burberry and K swiss, the cause of the smeared lipstick, solitary rats and mating vixens.

Nothing here not to love. It put to mind the scenes in Taxi Driver with De Niro.

How have you only posted 6 times since 2006??? Post more. Consider me a fan.

cheers.
Jerry

masonblake
01-31-2012, 04:01 PM
I have to agree that it could do with some whittling as Jack put it, but my over riding thought is that I LOVED it. the dark descriptive imagery is right up my street. The fine details like the stench of sarsons on fingers, the references to burberry and K swiss, the cause of the smeared lipstick, solitary rats and mating vixens.

Nothing here not to love. It put to mind the scenes in Taxi Driver with De Niro.

How have you only posted 6 times since 2006??? Post more. Consider me a fan.

cheers.
Jerry

Thanks for the comments chaps.

If you have a look at the blog link below, you will find more poetry prose and short stories.

Hope you enjoy.

Jerrybaldy
01-31-2012, 08:57 PM
post more.

masonblake
02-06-2012, 03:30 PM
Inside the bottle
A grey moon shifts orbit,
permitting the equinox to open up a new dawn,
humanity, unaware of all the celestial beauty,
slumbers troubled in a plastic space,
dreams, clash, infuse on an empty mind,
disturbed only by the sound of a cat
seeking solace in a biscuit tin.

Each moulded box contains,
hope, fear, and expectation,
slowly dashed by the coming of the new day.
Empires are built or destroyed,
in tune to a pipers call.
A wooden horse is all that remains
a shell worn thin by reality.

No appreciation of cosmic wonder,
occurs,
underneath the gritty shut eyelids.
A shrill piercing scream insists, this time is over
`Awake, awake o sleeping clones`
rejuvenated
`Arise o drones`.
Return to thy constant bondage.

With bloody axe or pen.
Continue with your toil.
controlled by kings no more or priests in garments stained.
A monochrome blizzard formed by ants,
tread manmade streets,
unaware of what lies underneath the Costa strewn walkways.

The smell of Guacamole, turns the heaving gut.
Insipid, waxen offerings lie motionless on the porcelain,
Dead cattle hang from unseen meat hooks,
preparation incomplete for tiny cardboard boxes,
A font of human madness,
transformed into circles fried in lard,
with processed cheese.

Each individual sonnet, shares each line,
mundane in love.
Sweet, the empty wrapper sings,
whistling silently beyond the mall,
trapped forever in the confines of each soul,
restricted in its path by repetition
and circling winds.

A plethora of puerile, information
gathered on the dust free shelf
repeats the process.
No Socratic recollection, only anesthetised fear,
Once numbed by the green fairy,
Now etherised
Deep, deep, down,
Inside the bottle.

BookBeauty
02-06-2012, 05:11 PM
I love metaphors. This poem seems an enigma wrapped in metaphor. There's a lot of gritty, hard words that pull us out of the smooth, and silky, giving the impression of reality against fantasy.

Thanks for sharing. :)